imaginary friends to fill the void that is your gaping gash.

[Sparklehorse]

Originally posted by ltl/fb
Some people who may seem a little weird may just be trying to differentiate themselves a little from the vast multitudes, and you may want to give a little bit of the benefit of the doubt.

Dissent. People whose initial contact makes them seem a little weird turn out to be a little weird if/when you meet them in person.

[barely_legal]

Originally posted by ThurgreedMarshall
Here's a (brief statement followed by a) question:

I once thought that only people who couldn't get dates through actual real life interaction would use internet dating and that the whole "I just don't have time to get out and meet people" thing was a fucking crock. But, gwnc (and a few others) show that there are normal people who use it.

Has anyone tried it and liked it?

TM

I met a very nice guy that I dated for a few months (it ended amicably). But overall I just didn't have the time to search for guys whose profiles I liked and e-mail them, sort through the guys who e-mailed me to see if any were worth responding to, talk on the phone to people who managed to e-mail me for a few days without annoying me (it's good to talk on the phone before you meet, but I absolutely hate talking on the phone) and then set up meetings. It's a very time-consuming process.

I have several friends who have gotten engaged/married to people they met this way and a few friends in long-term relationships. There are also a lot of people who have met their significant other this way but they lie about it b/c they think admitting how they actually will make them look bad.

[ltl/fb]

Originally posted by Sparklehorse
Dissent. People whose initial contact makes them seem a little weird turn out to be a little weird if/when you meet them in person.

Ack, I was not clear. I meant like a quirky thing in the profile. Any weirdness in the person-to-person contact is a guarantee of more weirdness to come.

I think the moonwalking is too weird.

OK, maybe weird is bad. I just wanted to give her some people to sort through.

[ltl/fb]

Originally posted by barely_legal
I met a very nice guy that I dated for a few months (it ended amicably). But overall I just didn't have the time to search for guys whose profiles I liked and e-mail them, sort through the guys who e-mailed me to see if any were worth responding to, talk on the phone to people who managed to e-mail me for a few days without annoying me (it's good to talk on the phone before you meet, but I absolutely hate talking on the phone) and then set up meetings. It's a very time-consuming process.

I have several friends who have gotten engaged/married to people they met this way and a few friends in long-term relationships. There are also a lot of people who have met their significant other this way but they lie about it b/c they think admitting how they actually will make them look bad.

It gets exhausting and depressing after a while, esp if you are looking for a long-term relationship. But it's at least doing something, and it can be kind of fun on and off, and who knows, you just might meet someone who blows your mind, er, I mean, who is your soulmate.

[Greedy,Greedy,Greedy]

Originally posted by greatwhitenorthchick
It is possible to have emotional attachments with people and meaning in your life without a spouse and kids.

God, you're smug and self-righteous.

Maybe so, but dismissing marriage and kids in a relationship off the bat limits your field pretty heavily; even many of the commitment-phobes don't want to admit marriage is off limits. I don't think I ever dismissed marriage but there was a time I did dismiss kids. Attitudes change, relationships develop.

[taxwonk]

Originally posted by barely_legal
So, have you encountered the guy who puts his age at 34, but then tells you in his e-mail that he's really 40, but he put 34 because he's very young for his age and he didn't want to be excluded from the results of women searching for men under 40?

How about the guy who's 47 but is willing to date women "18 to 29". He's a keeper too.

Oh, and one more word of advice. If he's wearing a hat in all of the pictures in his profile, he's bald.

One of my favorites was the guy who e-mailed me and told me that he didn't care if I was interested in him or not, but he wanted me to at least e-mail him back and tell him I wasn't interested b/c he'd e-mailed over 50 women and none of them had responded to him. Gee, that really makes me want to date you. And chat with you over e-mail.

Online dating can be a great way of meeting people, but you have to be willing to play the numbers game and have the time to meet 10 people with whom you have no chemistry for every one person you end up wanting to see again.

So she should pretend she's SullCrom and responsible for reviewing the resumes of Hank and all his classmates?

[greatwhitenorthchick]

Originally posted by Greedy,Greedy,Greedy
Maybe so, but dismissing marriage and kids in a relationship off the bat limits your field pretty heavily; even many of the commitment-phobes don't want to admit marriage is off limits. I don't think I ever dismissed marriage but there was a time I did dismiss kids. Attitudes change, relationships develop.

I've never wanted kids and I'm 36 years old. I think the kid-wanting would have kicked in by now if it's ever going to kick in. I put in my profile that I don't want to have kids. I welcome men who already have kids. That is clear from my profile. I am a big fan of other people's children.

I am currently married and have no desire to be a bigamist. If I ever get divorced, I don't believe I want to do it all over again.

Why would I mislead someone into thinking that I want my own kids and another husband when I don't?

[ltl/fb]

Originally posted by Greedy,Greedy,Greedy
Maybe so, but dismissing marriage and kids in a relationship off the bat limits your field pretty heavily; even many of the commitment-phobes don't want to admit marriage is off limits. I don't think I ever dismissed marriage but there was a time I did dismiss kids. Attitudes change, relationships develop.

It changes the field. Saying you are looking for marriage limits the field in one way; saying no way no how am I ever getting married limits the field another way. Saying you want kids, at our age, severely limits the field because they figure it's more likely than not that you want a daddy PDQ.

Saying you are open to, but not necessarily/really/at this point looking for, a LTR is more inclusive and probably more truthful for the majority of people.

ETA alternatively, saying you are looking for a LTR if that is what you are looking for is more inclusive and less threatening/freakish than saying you want to get married.

[Replaced_Texan]

Originally posted by barely_legal
So, have you encountered the guy who puts his age at 34, but then tells you in his e-mail that he's really 40, but he put 34 because he's very young for his age and he didn't want to be excluded from the results of women searching for men under 40?

How about the guy who's 47 but is willing to date women "18 to 29". He's a keeper too.

Oh, and one more word of advice. If he's wearing a hat in all of the pictures in his profile, he's bald.

One of my favorites was the guy who e-mailed me and told me that he didn't care if I was interested in him or not, but he wanted me to at least e-mail him back and tell him I wasn't interested b/c he'd e-mailed over 50 women and none of them had responded to him. Gee, that really makes me want to date you. And chat with you over e-mail.

Online dating can be a great way of meeting people, but you have to be willing to play the numbers game and have the time to meet 10 people with whom you have no chemistry for every one person you end up wanting to see again.

Heh. Back during my online dating experiment, I posted most of the e-mails into my blog for public commentary/scrutiny. I especially liked the guy who posed with his porsche. The guy who responded point by point to each sentence I wrote also was a real winner. I'm shocked at how many people refuse to spellcheck/edit before sending responses to personal ads.

I've given up and have returned to sleeping with people I've met on the internet in non-personal ad fora.

[ABBAKiss]

Originally posted by Greedy,Greedy,Greedy
Maybe so, but dismissing marriage and kids in a relationship off the bat limits your field pretty heavily; even many of the commitment-phobes don't want to admit marriage is off limits. I don't think I ever dismissed marriage but there was a time I did dismiss kids. Attitudes change, relationships develop.

I would imagine that GWNC, like me, is TRYING to limit the field to those who would not expect her to want marriage and children simply because she is a woman. Attitudes change and relationships develop, yes, but it is really irritating to have people consistently state, to my face, that I (and others like me) will "change my mind" re kids. NO - I FUCKING WON'T. This does not make me immature or selfish. Quite the contrary.

[Flinty_McFlint]

Originally posted by Replaced_Texan
Heh. Back during my online dating experiment, I posted most of the e-mails into my blog for public commentary/scrutiny. I especially liked the guy who posed with his porsche. The guy who responded point by point to each sentence I wrote also was a real winner. I'm shocked at how many people refuse to spellcheck/edit before sending responses to personal ads.

I've given up and have returned to sleeping with people I've met on the internet in non-personal ad fora.

Animalist fuck.

[lookingformarket]

Originally posted by Replaced_Texan
I've given up and have returned to sleeping with people I've met on the internet in non-personal ad fora.

Do you obsess about them and relive it for eternity?

[Replaced_Texan]

Originally posted by ThurgreedMarshall
Here's a (brief statement followed by a) question:

I once thought that only people who couldn't get dates through actual real life interaction would use internet dating and that the whole "I just don't have time to get out and meet people" thing was a fucking crock. But, gwnc (and a few others) show that there are normal people who use it.

Has anyone tried it and liked it?

TM

The couple that I married on New Years Day met on Match.com. Her profile was up for quite awhile before she got a decent response, and he is a painfully shy guy. He'd been going to her profile every day for weeks, and it went down for a few days. He panicked and e-mailed her immediately when she noticed that her profile was down. Their first date was 11 hours long at two restaurants and a coffee house.

My profile was up at springstreet through Salon.com for awhile, and I went on a few dates through that, though nothing spectacular.

[barely_legal]

Originally posted by Replaced_Texan
Heh. Back during my online dating experiment, I posted most of the e-mails into my blog for public commentary/scrutiny. I especially liked the guy who posed with his porsche. The guy who responded point by point to each sentence I wrote also was a real winner. I'm shocked at how many people refuse to spellcheck/edit before sending responses to personal ads.

I've given up and have returned to sleeping with people I've met on the internet in non-personal ad fora.

Did you find yourself coming up with lots of arbitrary rules about who you would and wouldn't consider? Rules that really had little to do with who you would usually date in real life? For instance:

Poses with shirt off -- automatic no
Doesn't like cats -- automatic no
Will date Asian and Caucasion women only -- nonono
Misspells "traveling" -- sorry, no

etc.

ETA: I misspelled misspell. How embarrassing.

[tmdiva]

Originally posted by ThurgreedMarshall
Here's a (brief statement followed by a) question:

I once thought that only people who couldn't get dates through actual real life interaction would use internet dating and that the whole "I just don't have time to get out and meet people" thing was a fucking crock. But, gwnc (and a few others) show that there are normal people who use it.

Has anyone tried it and liked it?

TM

I got married before the internet dating services really took off, but during one of my law school summers I did put an ad in the newspaper in the city where I was living. It was free to place the ad, and it cost $$ for people to respond (they called a 900 number and punched in your ad code to be directed to your voicemailbox).

I totally agree with Gwink that people responding to personal ads really really suck at reading comprehension. I put a lot of stuff in my ad meant to scare off guys, but still got a bunch of responses from dummies who listened to country music and wanted to take me to an amusement park on our first date. I eventually changed my voice mail message to be really mean and unequivocal--a list of semi-obscure intellectuals and artists, and said, "If you don't recognize at least 80% of these names, don't bother leaving me a message."

The only qualifying responder ended up being someone I already knew (since I was 12), but had lost touch with. It was funny to get his voice mail and recognize his voice, and know that he hadn't recognized mine. We ended up going out a few times, but the timing just wasn't right. He ended up getting married a couple of years later to the ex-girlfriend of someone I was then dating (whom I had met through a non-personal-ad e-mail list).

tm