A frolic in Cambodia

[NotFromHere]

SEATTLE - America Online Inc. said Thursday it had filed a federal lawsuit accusing numerous unnamed defendants of violating federal and state laws by sending bulk messages known as "spim" to instant message accounts and Internet chat rooms.

Having never used IM (hi MR!!), I didn't know it was called spim. I also didn't know that you could send spam that way. I thought it was pretty much on a "list" system.

[Oliver_Wendell_Ramone]

Originally posted by NotFromHere
Somehow, I knew this was coming. I didn't figure that it would be from you.
That said, aren't all nuts salty?

Some say the smell faintly of curry.

[Bad_Rich_Chic]

Originally posted by ThurgreedMarshall
POLL: If you won the lottery* tomorrow ($150 MM, after taxes) and didn't care about burning bridges or a fucked up reputation, how would you leave your firm (job, whatever) in a blaze of glory? I think about this shit all the time (sad, hunh?). Think of the legend you would be if you did something really good. Hell, I love it when a smarmy departure email goes around.

The best I've come up with is becoming Bartleby and seeing how long it takes them to fire me.

I have a friend who came into some money a few years ago. Not fuck-everyone money, but definitely fuck-you money. He was at one of the top 10 firms in NYC. (Whatever your list of top 10 firms is, I'm pretty sure this one is on it.) He sort of stopped taking work seriously, went to his year end review, got an OK review and bonus, and when they asked him if he had anything he wanted to talk about he said something to the effect of "Yes. Fuck all of you, and you can shove your bonus up your collective ass." And walked out. And left town and became a beach bum (literally).

[Anne Elk]

Originally posted by Bad_Rich_Chic
I have a friend who came into some money a few years ago. Not fuck-everyone money, but definitely fuck-you money. He was at one of the top 10 firms in NYC. (Whatever your list of top 10 firms is, I'm pretty sure this one is on it.) He sort of stopped taking work seriously, went to his year end review, got an OK review and bonus, and when they asked him if he had anything he wanted to talk about he said something to the effect of "Yes. Fuck all of you, and you can shove your bonus up your collective ass." And walked out. And left town and became a beach bum (literally).

Was that before or after he watched Office Space?

[ltl/fb]

Originally posted by Bad_Rich_Chic
The best I've come up with is becoming Bartleby and seeing how long it takes them to fire me.

I have a friend who came into some money a few years ago. Not fuck-everyone money, but definitely fuck-you money. He was at one of the top 10 firms in NYC. (Whatever your list of top 10 firms is, I'm pretty sure this one is on it.) He sort of stopped taking work seriously, went to his year end review, got an OK review and bonus, and when they asked him if he had anything he wanted to talk about he said something to the effect of "Yes. Fuck all of you, and you can shove your bonus up your collective ass." And walked out. And left town and became a beach bum (literally).

Why would he stay around, go to the review and then reject the bonus? What a moron. He could have donated it to charity, or whatever.

This reinforces what I have learned from experience about people at top-10 NYC firms.

[ltl/fb]

Originally posted by robustpuppy
When did you start taking everything literally?

Not sure. I think Thurgreed is wrong though -- it was definitely before today.

[cheval de frise]

Originally posted by ThurgreedMarshall
POLL: If you won the lottery* tomorrow ($150 MM, after taxes) and didn't care about burning bridges or a fucked up reputation, how would you leave your firm (job, whatever)...Someone here has to be more creative or evil than this (shitting on desk).

It shouldn't just be a one-off.

The partners keep score with money, and they resent the insane hours required to make that money. So hit them where it hurts. Remind them, every day, that: (1) you have more money than they do; (2) that you don't have to work for it, and (3) that they have no chance of equaling your good fortune. I'd do it like this:

Make a list of the evil partners' work e-mail addresses.

Hire someone to set up a revolving e-mail system to deliver a message to the select partner(s) at 8:00 a.m. every morning, using a different originating server/address each day.

Do it at 8:00 a.m. because partners will be checking their Blackberries, and will have a full hour to fume about the message before the business day really begins.

If necessary, pay off the IT staff to let the messages through.

If they fire everyone on the IT staff, pay off their replacements. (You have 150 million, and your enemies are cheap bastards. They won't pay the staff enough to ignore your offer. Do whatever it takes).

Each message should be tailored to hit (1), (2) or (3) above.

The first day's message might be titled "profits per partner." (I guarantee you they'll open it.) It'll show the firm's ranking (say top 50, $800,000 per year), and note that at that rate, the average equity partner will have to work 187.5 years to make 150 million dollars. You can throw in some life expectancy data for flabby, middle-aged white men if you're feeling especially cruel.

The second day's message should be a description of your schedule for the week. Example -- first day: sleep in, lunch at Ritz, spend my money, fuck beautiful brunette attracted to me because of my money, play round of golf, spend my money, dinner at Spago, fuck beautiful blonde attracted to me because of my money, fly to Vegas. And so on. Make the descriptions particularly lurid for days that evil partner(s) are scheduled for appearances in divorce court, for custody hearings, or before a grand jury investigating partner(s)' finances and tax shelter advice.

The third day's message should contain current lottery/powerball jackpot information, making sure to describe the minuscule chances of winning...particularly if you're not a pipe fitter in Dubuque, or a drywall installer in Brooklyn. And so on.

You get the idea.

Keep it up for a year....or however long it takes the partners to start leaping off the top floor of their building like lemmings. When they do, hire some guys to hold a fireman's-type round target with a dollar sign emblazoned on it, right next to your smiling face.

Hell, I'm smiling now.

CDF

(edited to fix formatting)

[ThurgreedMarshall]

Originally posted by cheval de frise
It shouldn't just be a one-off.

The partners keep score with money, and they resent the insane hours required to make that money. So hit them where it hurts. Remind them, every day, that: (1) you have more money than they do; (2) that you don't have to work for it, and (3) that they have no chance of equaling your good fortune. I'd do it like this:

Make a list of the evil partners' work e-mail addresses.

Hire someone to set up a revolving e-mail system to deliver a message to the select partner(s) at 8:00 a.m. every morning, using a different originating server/address each day.

Do it at 8:00 a.m. because partners will be checking their Blackberries, and will have a full hour to fume about the message before the business day really begins.

If necessary, pay off the IT staff to let the messages through.

If they fire everyone on the IT staff, pay off their replacements. (You have 150 million, and your enemies are cheap bastards. They won't pay the staff enough to ignore your offer. Do whatever it takes).

Each message should be tailored to hit (1), (2) or (3) above.

The first day's message might be titled "profits per partner." (I guarantee you they'll open it.) It'll show the firm's ranking (say top 50, $800,000 per year), and note that at that rate, the average equity partner will have to work 187.5 years to make 150 million dollars. You can throw in some life expectancy data for flabby, middle-aged white men if you're feeling especially cruel.

The second day's message should be a description of your schedule for the week. Example -- first day: sleep in, lunch at Ritz, spend my money, fuck beautiful brunette attracted to me because of my money, play round of golf, spend my money, dinner at Spago, fuck beautiful blonde attracted to me because of my money, fly to Vegas. And so on. Make the descriptions particularly lurid for days that evil partner(s) are scheduled for appearances in divorce court, for custody hearings, or before a grand jury investigating partner(s) finances and tax shelter advice.

The third day's message should contain current lottery/powerball jackpot information, making sure to describe the minuscule chances of winning...particularly if you're not a pipe fitter in Dubuque, or a drywall installer in Brooklyn. And so on.

You get the idea.

Keep it up for a year....or however long it takes the partners to start leaping off the top floor of their building like lemmings. When they do, hire some guys to hold a fireman's-type round target with a dollar sign embazoned on it, right next to your smiling face.

Hell, I'm smiling now.

CDF

(edited to fix formatting)

You win. The target put you above's Flinty's Half Baked quote.

TM

[Greedy,Greedy,Greedy]

It has been heartening today to see the messages of those who work in environments where partners are honored and respected (hi, dtb!). Remember, they are the ones who bring in the work from which everyone here profits. They are the ones who slave for long hours and sacrifice so that associates will have the opportunity to learn the law. They are the ones who go out of their way to mentor and teach the eager, pert young associates.

I know some of you are bitter, but, remember, it is a competitive business where only the best will survive. And for those few best who will make it, remember, much of what distinguishes the survivors who thrive and sleep their to the top from the bitter souls who shit on desks is attitude. The survivors look up to, respect, and honor the Partners they work under.

So, let's hear it, if everyone here had $150,000,000, what would you do to show your appreciation to the Partners in your law firm?

[Replaced_Texan]

Originally posted by Greedy,Greedy,Greedy
It has been heartening today to see the messages of those who work in environments where partners are honored and respected (hi, dtb!). Remember, they are the ones who bring in the work from which everyone here profits. They are the ones who slave for long hours and sacrifice so that associates will have the opportunity to learn the law. They are the ones who go out of their way to mentor and teach the eager, pert young associates.

I know some of you are bitter, but, remember, it is a competitive business where only the best will survive. And for those few best who will make it, remember, much of what distinguishes the survivors who thrive and sleep their to the top from the bitter souls who shit on desks is attitude. The survivors look up to, respect, and honor the Partners they work under.

So, let's hear it, if everyone here had $150,000,000, what would you do to show your appreciation to the Partners in your law firm?

I would reduce their overhead by buying off the associates (and secretaries) that work for them.

[Shape Shifter]

Originally posted by Greedy,Greedy,Greedy
It has been heartening today to see the messages of those who work in environments where partners are honored and respected (hi, dtb!). Remember, they are the ones who bring in the work from which everyone here profits. They are the ones who slave for long hours and sacrifice so that associates will have the opportunity to learn the law. They are the ones who go out of their way to mentor and teach the eager, pert young associates.

I know some of you are bitter, but, remember, it is a competitive business where only the best will survive. And for those few best who will make it, remember, much of what distinguishes the survivors who thrive and sleep their to the top from the bitter souls who shit on desks is attitude. The survivors look up to, respect, and honor the Partners they work under.

So, let's hear it, if everyone here had $150,000,000, what would you do to show your appreciation to the Partners in your law firm?

Uh, all-you-can-eat cheeseburgers. I'm not the vindictive type.

[ThurgreedMarshall]

Originally posted by Greedy,Greedy,Greedy
It has been heartening today to see the messages of those who work in environments where partners are honored and respected (hi, dtb!). Remember, they are the ones who bring in the work from which everyone here profits. They are the ones who slave for long hours and sacrifice so that associates will have the opportunity to learn the law. They are the ones who go out of their way to mentor and teach the eager, pert young associates.

I know some of you are bitter, but, remember, it is a competitive business where only the best will survive. And for those few best who will make it, remember, much of what distinguishes the survivors who thrive and sleep their to the top from the bitter souls who shit on desks is attitude. The survivors look up to, respect, and honor the Partners they work under.

So, let's hear it, if everyone here had $150,000,000, what would you do to show your appreciation to the Partners in your law firm?

I would shit on your desk.

TM

[Tyrone Slothrop]

Originally posted by Greedy,Greedy,Greedy
It has been heartening today to see the messages of those who work in environments where partners are honored and respected (hi, dtb!). Remember, they are the ones who bring in the work from which everyone here profits. They are the ones who slave for long hours and sacrifice so that associates will have the opportunity to learn the law. They are the ones who go out of their way to mentor and teach the eager, pert young associates.

I know some of you are bitter, but, remember, it is a competitive business where only the best will survive. And for those few best who will make it, remember, much of what distinguishes the survivors who thrive and sleep their to the top from the bitter souls who shit on desks is attitude. The survivors look up to, respect, and honor the Partners they work under.

So, let's hear it, if everyone here had $150,000,000, what would you do to show your appreciation to the Partners in your law firm?

I would pay TM $5 to shit on your desk.

[Flinty_McFlint]

Originally posted by ThurgreedMarshall
You win. The target put you above's Flinty's Half Baked quote.

TM

Hey, I can't argue with that. Chevy, you are my new favorite.

[cheval de frise]

Originally posted by Greedy,Greedy,Greedy
If everyone here had $150,000,000, what would you do to show your appreciation to the Partners in your law firm?

I'd refrain from reprising the plot of "The Game" (the Michael Douglas flick), without the happy ending.

Merry Christmas.

CDF (I actually like the people I work with.)