General discussion - Mom and Dad Esq.

[1436]

Originally Posted by Replaced_Texan

Boys who are able to discuss the Twilight series will be very popular with the girls. I don't know if they'll actually like the series though.

Agreed.

I tried to read Eragon, that 1436 talks about below, when it first came out, and I found it to be ridiculously derivative of the McCafferty and Tolkien.

I can't really defend it against that criticism. It is also very derivative of the Star Wars plot, which is derivative of several other plots. But then, how many 12 year olds will catch that?

The best thing I can say about it is that it was written by 19 yo which can be inspiring to a young person interested in literature.

Oh and the movie sucks beyond all comprehension. Really, really bad.

[Secret_Agent_Man]

Yesterday morning my six year old daughter asked me if I had already "sent in your vote for Mr. Barack Obama."

Last night after her bath, this daughter stepped out of the tub and told me: "I have to whiz."

Stay classy, honey. I told my wife that with my parenting style we have to take the bad with the good.

S_A_M

[bold_n_brazen]

Originally Posted by Secret_Agent_Man

Yesterday morning my six year old daughter asked me if I had already "sent in your vote for Mr. Barack Obama."

Last night after her bath, this daughter stepped out of the tub and told me: "I have to whiz."

Stay classy, honey. I told my wife that with my parenting style we have to take the bad with the good.

S_A_M

My kid would have just peed in the bathtub. You done good, Mr. Secret Agent Man.

[Hank Chinaski]

Originally Posted by Atticus Grinch

Wait two years and give him all of the Hitchhiker's Guide books. Then make sure he quits sci-fi cold turkey by sophomore year, no matter how much he says it hurts. You cannot succeed in college if you lack the capability of being embarrassed by what you are reading. Either say you're reading Camus or say you don't read anything at all. No one ever got laid carrying an Eddings, Donaldson or Heinlein.

dude. you can't say that for sure, at least based upon your sample. the fact that you were always wearing your D&D elf robes may also have had something to do with the "no girls for 4 years" thing.

[tmdiva]

Originally Posted by 1436

The best thing I can say about it is that it was written by 19 yo which can be inspiring to a young person interested in literature.

Oh and the movie sucks beyond all comprehension. Really, really bad.

I gave the Eragon books to my (now 15-year-old) nephew, and both he and his 11-year-old brother have greatly, greatly enjoyed them. Bonus on this one is that the third and final book just came out at the end of September, so you should be able to get that new-book discount on a boxed set. Unfortunately they didn't have a third-book-plus-three-book-box set, so my nephew has the first two in a box and the third one alongside.

Last year I gave him a bunch of Dumas, which didn't go over nearly as well, though he liked the idea of it.

My 10-year-old niece, also a precocious and voracious reader, has really enjoyed the Artemis Fowl books (by Eoin Colfer) I've given her. I think there are five or six of them.

And it's not accidental that these favorites are series. One-off books just don't hold much truck with this age group.

tm

[1436]

Originally Posted by tmdiva

I gave the Eragon books to my (now 15-year-old) nephew, and both he and his 11-year-old brother have greatly, greatly enjoyed them.

Odd, no mention of how Eragon is just a Luke figure in dragon clothes? (Smiles to RT)

My 10-year-old niece, also a precocious and voracious reader, has really enjoyed the Artemis Fowl books (by Eoin Colfer) I've given her. I think there are five or six of them.

Mine didn't like these, but I thought the one I read was fun. Colfer also wrote The Wishlist which is a bit darker but very good.

The second best thing that happened yesterday was my daughter showing me that she was reading The War of the Worlds. We had listened to a radio program about the various radio programs on WoTW and she finally picked it up. Today she is reading HG Wells and seeing the after glow of an historic election. My heart is so full of pride!

[dtb]

So a friend of my older son's was over (the friend is 9), and they were playing something or other with my little guy (who is 6). During some disagreement over the game or whatever they were playing, the guest called the little guy a "bitch".

Now, my kids are hardly model citizens, but one thing they don't do is say "bad words". I am reminded every day that I am not a perfect mother, but this is something I feel strongly about - that kids shouldn't say bad words. Would that I could follow my own advice, but I think it sounds especially vulgar and trashy when kids swear.

My question is -- do I mention this to the kid's parents? (Not to advocate any particular course of action w/r/t their kid, just to inform them -- because I'd certainly want to know if my kids were swearing out of my earshot.)

[soup sandwich]

Originally Posted by dtb

So a friend of my older son's was over (the friend is 9), and they were playing something or other with my little guy (who is 6). During some disagreement over the game or whatever they were playing, the guest called the little guy a "bitch".

Now, my kids are hardly model citizens, but one thing they don't do is say "bad words". I am reminded every day that I am not a perfect mother, but this is something I feel strongly about - that kids shouldn't say bad words. Would that I could follow my own advice, but I think it sounds especially vulgar and trashy when kids swear.

My question is -- do I mention this to the kid's parents? (Not to advocate any particular course of action w/r/t their kid, just to inform them -- because I'd certainly want to know if my kids were swearing out of my earshot.)

You should absolutely mention it to the parents.

[bold_n_brazen]

Originally Posted by dtb

So a friend of my older son's was over (the friend is 9), and they were playing something or other with my little guy (who is 6). During some disagreement over the game or whatever they were playing, the guest called the little guy a "bitch".

Now, my kids are hardly model citizens, but one thing they don't do is say "bad words". I am reminded every day that I am not a perfect mother, but this is something I feel strongly about - that kids shouldn't say bad words. Would that I could follow my own advice, but I think it sounds especially vulgar and trashy when kids swear.

My question is -- do I mention this to the kid's parents? (Not to advocate any particular course of action w/r/t their kid, just to inform them -- because I'd certainly want to know if my kids were swearing out of my earshot.)

Now who's being a bitch??

I kid. Of course you say something. You'd want to know. I'd want to know. These parents want to know.

[Hank Chinaski]

Originally Posted by dtb

So a friend of my older son's was over (the friend is 9), and they were playing something or other with my little guy (who is 6). During some disagreement over the game or whatever they were playing, the guest called the little guy a "bitch".

Now, my kids are hardly model citizens, but one thing they don't do is say "bad words". I am reminded every day that I am not a perfect mother, but this is something I feel strongly about - that kids shouldn't say bad words. Would that I could follow my own advice, but I think it sounds especially vulgar and trashy when kids swear.

My question is -- do I mention this to the kid's parents? (Not to advocate any particular course of action w/r/t their kid, just to inform them -- because I'd certainly want to know if my kids were swearing out of my earshot.)

I could tell you stories about how little some parents "want to know" that will curl your hair. Many don't.

And you are missing the point if you focus on the parents. do you think your kids are exposed to swearing at school?

2 point plan: remind your kids that you feel cursing makes one seem vulgar or dumb or whatever, and that you do not want them to swear, even if their friends do.

then, the next time you hear the kid, tell him you like him and would appreciate it if he would not swear in your home as you think it vulgar.

[Secret_Agent_Man]

Originally Posted by dtb

So a friend of my older son's was over (the friend is 9), and they were playing something or other with my little guy (who is 6). During some disagreement over the game or whatever they were playing, the guest called the little guy a "bitch".

Now, my kids are hardly model citizens, but one thing they don't do is say "bad words". I am reminded every day that I am not a perfect mother, but this is something I feel strongly about - that kids shouldn't say bad words. Would that I could follow my own advice, but I think it sounds especially vulgar and trashy when kids swear.

My question is -- do I mention this to the kid's parents? (Not to advocate any particular course of action w/r/t their kid, just to inform them -- because I'd certainly want to know if my kids were swearing out of my earshot.)

Absolutely.

But Hank's advice on how to deal with the kids also seems very good.

[dtb]

Originally Posted by Hank Chinaski

I could tell you stories about how little some parents "want to know" that will curl your hair. Many don't.

And you are missing the point if you focus on the parents. do you think your kids are exposed to swearing at school?

2 point plan: remind your kids that you feel cursing makes one seem vulgar or dumb or whatever, and that you do not want them to swear, even if their friends do.

then, the next time you hear the kid, tell him you like him and would appreciate it if he would not swear in your home as you think it vulgar.

Oh, I did mention it to the kid! Just a mild sentence about how that sort of language isn't allowed in our house. He looked a little embarrassed, but seemed to get over it quickly.

Thanks for all the responses. It's an awkward conversation to have, but it's better that I mention it. Thanks for confirming my (seldom perfect) instinct.

[Greedy,Greedy,Greedy]

Originally Posted by dtb

Oh, I did mention it to the kid! Just a mild sentence about how that sort of language isn't allowed in our house. He looked a little embarrassed, but seemed to get over it quickly.

Thanks for all the responses. It's an awkward conversation to have, but it's better that I mention it. Thanks for confirming my (seldom perfect) instinct.

We have faced the issue a lot in another context. We live in a grammatically pristine neighborhood - we are surrounded by academics, many of whom come from abroad and so learned English formally and without the swears. But, our kids have a couple of activities that bring them into the inner city - one is involved in a singing group with a lot of kids from all over Boston, and two are part of a community sailing program in a predominantly Hispanic neighborhood. Well, there is a sizable crew of their peers who know every word on the street, and have a casual and often quite colorful and versitile ability to utilize language from which our children have been sheilded. Their dexterity and skill extends to Spanish and often Creole variations. Their linguistic flexibility is not only accepted but revelled in, and parental supervision often occurs with the same color.

In this environment, we've accepted a lack of control over some of the language, but encouraged our kids to maintain their high-fallutin language. In the sailing program, they've been nicknamed "the Europeans" because their speech is viewed as so, well, unAmerican (and, one of the friends participating in it is a German import, so, well, they must all be from somewhere else).

Around the neighbhorhood, we'd stick to your perfect instinct. In this other context, though, we've compromised. Are we bad parents?

[Sidd Finch]

Originally Posted by Greedy,Greedy,Greedy

We have faced the issue a lot in another context. We live in a grammatically pristine neighborhood - we are surrounded by academics, many of whom come from abroad and so learned English formally and without the swears. But, our kids have a couple of activities that bring them into the inner city - one is involved in a singing group with a lot of kids from all over Boston, and two are part of a community sailing program in a predominantly Hispanic neighborhood. Well, there is a sizable crew of their peers who know every word on the street, and have a casual and often quite colorful and versitile ability to utilize language from which our children have been sheilded. Their dexterity and skill extends to Spanish and often Creole variations. Their linguistic flexibility is not only accepted but revelled in, and parental supervision often occurs with the same color.

In this environment, we've accepted a lack of control over some of the language, but encouraged our kids to maintain their high-fallutin language. In the sailing program, they've been nicknamed "the Europeans" because their speech is viewed as so, well, unAmerican (and, one of the friends participating in it is a German import, so, well, they must all be from somewhere else).

Around the neighbhorhood, we'd stick to your perfect instinct. In this other context, though, we've compromised. Are we bad parents?

It's not realistic to think that your kids won't curse, or hear bad language. I think it's important to start talking about context with them as soon as you can, so they understand that in some situations it's not okay for anyone to use certain words. So far, I've found that doing this -- acting like cursing is not the forbidden fruit, but just another thing that they need to be careful about -- Sidd Jr. doesn't get the illicit thrill from cursing that I did at his age, and doesn't want to do it so much. If he says a word to me, I won't get mad at him but will make sure he knows that what's okay to say to me in the car isn't okay to say in school or in front of his little sisters.

About the worst word he says with any frequency is "fart". On a recent vacation, in order to avoid having his sister learn that word (she 3, and would repeat it constantly), we renamed the word "cheeseburger." That way, we could be standing on line and say to each other "oof, it smells like someone is grilling cheeseburgers here!" Good times.

[Hank Chinaski]

Originally Posted by Sidd Finch

It's not realistic to think that your kids won't curse, or hear bad language.

Not for your kids or my kids, certainly. But dtb's kids exist in a land of privilege and wealth. If she is careful of staff hires it is quite realistic that she can protect these children until they are off to the University.