Meh.

[notcasesensitive]

Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
This is almost as annoying as the bloated douchebag who gets on my train three stops after mine. If I'm in the aisle seat of the "3 Person Seat," and you are looking for a seat, I will politely stand and give you the middle seat between myself and the person with the window seat. Standard practice on the train.

Now, some bloated fuckhead lawyers will huff and puff, like I was supposed to give them the fucking aisle. I just smile and conttinue listening to the Ipod, oblivious, as they huff. Then, once I sit, the douchebags open their fucking laptops and start typing. No asshole needs to do work at that hour, for the 20 fucking minutes we're on the goddamned train. Pad your fucking hours if you must, but stop elbowing me and the guy with the window seat while you type your silly little shit into your laptop, you rude, egomanical jackass. If you were goddamned important enough, the firm would have given you a parking spot, and you wouldn't be on the goddamned train, so stop trying to kid us all and yourself, asshole.

Are you sure he's a lawyer? Maybe he is "headed to his lawyer's office to sign some important papers."

[Fugee]

Originally posted by Sparklehorse
I don't know if this is better or worse...I'm trying to find cookie tins because last year at Christmas I didn't have enough and a squirrel got to eat some cookies intended for my mother.

Check out your friendly local thrift store. I needed a bunch of tins for cookies storage last Christmas and got them quite cheaply at the local ARC thrift store.

[NotFromHere]

Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
This is almost as annoying as the bloated douchebag who gets on my train three stops after mine. If I'm in the aisle seat of the "3 Person Seat," and you are looking for a seat, I will politely stand and give you the middle seat between myself and the person with the window seat. Standard practice on the train.

Now, some bloated fuckhead lawyers will huff and puff, like I was supposed to give them the fucking aisle. I just smile and conttinue listening to the Ipod, oblivious, as they huff. Then, once I sit, the douchebags open their fucking laptops and start typing. No asshole needs to do work at that hour, for the 20 fucking minutes we're on the goddamned train. Pad your fucking hours if you must, but stop elbowing me and the guy with the window seat while you type your silly little shit into your laptop, you rude, egomanical jackass. If you were goddamned important enough, the firm would have given you a parking spot, and you wouldn't be on the goddamned train, so stop trying to kid us all and yourself, asshole.

Almost as bad as the asshole who has to read the paper with both arms spread wide so that we can all read his paper.
But I can't believe you haven't figured out how to get that asshole to close his laptop. Read over his shoulder. Maybe even make comments. Or just shake your head and go tsk tsk tsk. Works. Every. Time.

[bold_n_brazen]

Originally posted by NotFromHere
Almost as bad as the asshole who has to read the paper with both arms spread wide so that we can all read his paper.
But I can't believe you haven't figured out how to get that asshole to close his laptop. Read over his shoulder. Maybe even make comments. Or just shake your head and go tsk tsk tsk. Works. Every. Time.

Would not work for me. I would simply start typing this:

I cannot believe the asshole sitting next to me is reading over my shoulder. What a fucking loser. Seriously, dude, get a life.

Of course, I would never use my laptop on the train.

[ltl/fb]

Originally posted by bold_n_brazen
Would not work for me. I would simply start typing this:

I cannot believe the asshole sitting next to me is reading over my shoulder. What a fucking loser. Seriously, dude, get a life.

Of course, I would never use my laptop on the train.

I would laugh and continue staring at your screen. I mean, why on earth would I care that someone who uses a laptop on a 20-min train ride thinks I'm a loser? It's really kind of a compliment, considering the source.

Alternatively, I'd eat some onions and breathe on you.

[Hank Chinaski]

Originally posted by notcasesensitive
Hank, I trust you have this one lined up already and are just trying to decide which direction to take it?

I'm more ambitious than that. I am looking at the "can't take me to lunch" part and working out something for that. stay tuned!

Originally posted by ThurgreedMarshall
... like some stupid fucking stewardess ...

I believe they prefer to be called "flight attendants" these days.

[pony_trekker]

Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
If you were goddamned important enough, the firm would have given you a parking spot, and you wouldn't be on the goddamned train, so stop trying to kid us all and yourself, asshole.

I actually say something like that to people:

Scene: overcrowded train because some car was broken, stinky or missing. Dipshit still insists on putting his briefcase on a seat. Pony starts to sit on the briefcase when dipshit rolls his eyes. Pony says:

"Don't like it? When you grow up and get a real job, maybe you get to take a car to work. Until then, move you shit."

[dtb]

Originally posted by bold_n_brazen
Would not work for me. I would simply start typing this:

I cannot believe the asshole sitting next to me is reading over my shoulder. What a fucking loser. Seriously, dude, get a life.

Of course, I would never use my laptop on the train.

I.Cannot.Believe.I.Never.Thought.Of.This

(I'm not real clear on how to do that period-between-words thing, but I think I did it right.)

I cannot stand when someone reads over my shoulder. It usually happens at home. This is why we won't make it to triple digits.

[sebastian_dangerfield]

Originally posted by pony_trekker
I actually say something like that to people:

Scene: overcrowded train because some car was broken, stinky or missing. Dipshit still insists on putting his briefcase on a seat. Pony starts to sit on the briefcase when dipshit rolls his eyes. Pony says:

"Don't like it? When you grow up and get a real job, maybe you get to take a car to work. Until then, move you shit."

Ever notice its always the same assholes who do these sorts of things? Its the 45-50ish guy who's sporting the "I'm a player" look. He's spent a few bucks on the threads, has an expensive combover and uses too much after shave.

There's some atrocious foul stout woman who sometimes rides my trains and argues - full on argues with opposing counsel - in a shrill, Joan Rivers on meth squeal - about piddly little shitass cases. She'll bark and bleat about a settlement of a couple grand for 15 minutes, infuriating everyone around her. I have come "this close" to turning to her and saying "You obnoxious cunt. If you must insult my ears, at least have the decency to do it over something consequential. Its doubly insulting to realize my sense are being insulted by someone who's not only a failure in manners, but also her career." Alternatively, I've considered saying "You haven't been laid in an awful long time, have you? Care to hear this disinterested third party's short form observation on why?"

[dtb]

I found this amusing (it's from the New York Post):

• Pride & Prejudice
  Austen Powers.
  Running time: 128 minutes. Rated PG (mild thematic elements). At the Lincoln Square, the Kips Bay, the Landmark Sunshine, others.
  
  LISTEN up, guys, have I got a flick for you: It's all about money, sex and slammin' babes in saucy-wench get-ups, and it goes down in the same country that gave us Led Zeppelin and the Clash. This weekend, forget "Jarhead" - two hours of guys playing grab-ass in the shower and no chicks. If you're lucky, you can con your girlfriend into seeing "Pride & Prejudice."
  
  The Bennets are a family of four raging hotties (one mope's thrown in for contrast) looking for action in the randy years of the Regency - before that whole Janet Jackson crackdown on sex. The two girls most worthy of knocking boots with are sarcastic Elizabeth and sweet Jane, played by Keira Knightley (No. 53 on Maxim's Hot 100 List this year, down from No. 18 last year - she's 20 years old, guys, catch her before she wrinkles up) and Rosamund Pike, respectively. Brunette or blonde, spicy or sweet, Radcliffie or Tri-Delt sister - one of these two will get your knickers in a twist, no matter what your type.
  
  Their dad is played by Donald Sutherland, the stoned college prof from "Animal House." He's just as funny here, always ragging on the old lady (blithering Brenda Blethyn), and unlike the rest of the cast he doesn't fuss too much with the Brit accent. Oh, and batting cleanup there's a cameo from M herself, Dame Judi Dench, and does she ever go yard in the few minutes she gets to swing the bat.
  
  Elizabeth and Jane are looking to get hooked up in the meat markets of the country-party scene, which is sort of like a rainier Hamptons only without the risk of getting sideswiped by Billy Joel. Two rich guys with crazy frat-brotha names have target-locked on them: goofy redhead Bingley (Simon Woods), who's kind of like a funny Carrot Top, and hard guy Darcy (Matthew Macfadyen), who's so tough that he won't smile or dance. Their game is gold, baby. They're like Wedding Crashers who don't have to do the hora.
  
  Jane tumbles hard for Der Bingster while you-make-me-dizzy Miss Lizzie swaps putdowns with Darhead. The mercury is spiking so fast around these four that you and all the other dudes crammed into the theater will be screaming, "Get a room!"
  
  But working from a book by 19th-century fox Jane Austen, director Joe Wright (how many helmers have manlier names than that?) has engineered a big, intricately designed, fast-moving Hummer of a plot - again unlike "Jarhead," which is all, "And then this happened! And then this happened!"
  
  Before they can get on with the getting it on, the two top guns have to blast away at all things heinous. There's a preachy little nerd named Mr. Collins who's panting in Elizabeth's general direction, a cash crunch (even the girls' house is in play, like it's an off da hook round of Texas Hold 'Em), and a ponytailed metrosexual named Wickham who says things like, "I have very good taste in ribbons." But the director jukes and spins his way through it all as righteously as LaDainian Tomlinson vs. the Jets' linebackers.
  
  Here's the beauty part: The ending is a weddingpalooza. You know what that means, hussy hounds. Everyone gets a lusty license to no-limit nooky, forever and ever.

[pony_trekker]

Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
Ever notice its always the same assholes who do these sorts of things? Its the 45-50ish guy who's sporting the "I'm a player" look. He's spent a few bucks on the threads, has an expensive combover and uses too much after shave.

There's some atrocious foul stout woman who sometimes rides my trains and argues - full on argues with opposing counsel - in a shrill, Joan Rivers on meth squeal - about piddly little shitass cases. She'll bark and bleat about a settlement of a couple grand for 15 minutes, infuriating everyone around her. I have come "this close" to turning to her and saying "You obnoxious cunt. If you must insult my ears, at least have the decency to do it over something consequential. Its doubly insulting to realize my sense are being insulted by someone who's not only a failure in manners, but also her career." Alternatively, I've considered saying "You haven't been laid in an awful long time, have you? Care to hear this disinterested third party's short form observation on why?"

Better line: "Wow 10 grand! That'll pay for like, 10 minutes at Choate."

[ThurgreedMarshall]

Originally posted by Shape Shifter
A genuine Submariner is waterproof up to 300 meters.

A Rouche Foucauld is the finest water-resistant watch in the world. Singularly unique, sculptured in design, hand-crafted in Switzerland and water resistant to three atmospheres. It is the sports watch of the '80s. Six thousand, nine hundred and fifty five dollars retail and tells time simultaneously in Monte Carlo, Beverley Hills, London, Paris, Rome and Gstaaaaaaad.

(Yeah, I know I'm late and someone has probably already done this, but I can never resist.)

TM

[Pretty Little Flower]

Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
He's spent a few bucks on the threads, has an expensive combover and uses too much after shave.

I am intrigued by the concept of an expensive combover. What does this mean? You used a really nice comb?

Edited to help create a Newber-friendly environment.

[dtb]

Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
He's spent a few bucks on the threads, has an expensive combover and uses too much after shave.

I am nonplussed. Is there really such a thing as "too much" after-shave?