Meh.

[Gattigap]

Originally posted by Fugee
Gus looks just like Max, the younger Fugee Cat, other than for Max's white paws. Max is not allowed outside or he no doubt would have pulled the Gus stunt many times.

I recommend the strictly indoor cat strategy.

A rational and thoughtful suggestion, Kind Reader. Would that it would work, except that Gus is not the only cat, and closing up everyone in the house would probably not work.

Meantime, this weekend we learned that We learned that Gus likes other trees as well.

*

Gus ascends the Birch tree in the backyard Friday morning, and commences what I can only describe as a vigil. (At one point, I thought of it as a political protest -- perhaps if Gus remained aloft for another 36 hours, the troops would come home). Unlike the Jacaranda tree, which has essentially naked branches and provides a clear target, the Birch contains lots of distracting foliage. He's a good 20 feet up, inaccessible by ladder or scaling sans tree-trimming equipment.

Friday we call up to, cajole, and curse the cat. No success.

Saturday morning arrives. Gus is still there. I unleash Domestic Water Cannon 1.0, which instead of propelling him from the tree causes him to climb FARTHER UP, where DWC1.0 cannot reach. Gattigap throws the ladder to the ground in disgust, causing consternation among the family unit.

We research on the internets a strategy of alighting into the tree a basket with food and a small blanket -- the theory being that if he can't/won't come down all the way to the ground, perhaps he'll come down into the basket. Struck me as very Norman Rockwellian, but Mrs. G wants Options, so it's worth a try.

After an engineering exercise worthy of Tutankhamun, the basket is aloft, about half way up to Gus' position. No dice. The option of solution by axe is considered briefly but ultimately discarded.

As we near the 48 hour mark, worries are voiced about the kitten simply expiring up in the tree. These worries stuck me as quite improbable, but such worries are not easily extinguished (though consulting the internets does help). Mrs. G prods me to calls the local Fire Department, and we learn that they won't come at any price.** All of the tree-trimmers are apparently inaccessible on weekend.

Sunday afternoon, we come to a decision. The Cat will, nay must, come down from the tree. The solution? Domestic Water Cannon 2.0.

***

What followed was a rather bizarre tableau. Me lodged about 8 feet up in the tree with the DWC2.0, spraying essentially upward. Mrs. G and the Gaplets down below (who, only yesterday, worried about Gus becoming prey for owls or hummingbirds or somesuch) urging me to continue soaking the cat and essentially blow him out of the tree. Cat clinging to tree and furiously howling at me.

"Mew! Mew!"

"Keep it up, Gatti! He's slipping!"

"Mew! Mew!"

[kids] "Come down, Gus! [clap] Come down, Gus!" [clap]

[Gatti getting drenched]

"Mew! Mew!"

etc.

Eventually we coax the cat out of his sanctuary, onto more fragile branches and onto an adjacent tree with more leafy branches. Slip, tumble, fall. Lands upright, though dispassionate observers would not call this a perfect four point landing.

Gus is now dry, fed, hydrated, and as of this evening, not in a tree. Negotiations for declawing are underway.

Truly yours,

I remain

Gattigap






* Small artistic license. This was the Jacaranda tree, not the birch tree of the weekend. Notwithstanding the technical difference, you get the idea.

** "That's a negative, sir. Suggest you call tree-trimming services." Gee, thanks, General.

*** Not a true pressure-washer, mind you, but one attached to a regular hose. I needed more reach to knock him from his branch, not necessarily the 200 psi to blow his fur off. However tempting that may have been.

[taxwonk]

Originally posted by Hank Chinaski
One reason we don't tend to stick up for you, is you seem ungrateful when we do stick up for you.

I'm sorry. I didn't rea;ize you were sticking up for me. I take it all back.

[ltl/fb]

Originally posted by bold_n_brazen
I still want this tee-shirt.

This is that guy who killed his gf's parents in PA and then they fled to IN; the caption said it was right before he was put on a police plane back to PA. Question: is this Indiana prison garb? Nice stripes. And note how they almost (but not quite) match the stripes on the pocket to the stripes on the shirt.



Gatti, won't the cat fall down if he passes out from dehydration?

[Fugee]

If I can't have Lester, then I want an ipod nano.

[Hank Chinaski]

Originally posted by taxwonk
I'm sorry. I didn't rea;ize you were sticking up for me. I take it all back.

de nada mi amigo

[Hank Chinaski]

Originally posted by ltl/fb
This is that guy who killed his gf's parents in PA and then they fled to IN; the caption said it was right before he was put on a police plane back to PA. Question: is this Indiana prison garb? Nice stripes. And note how they almost (but not quite) match the stripes on the pocket to the stripes on the shirt.



Gatti, won't the cat fall down if he passes out from dehydration?

Indiana prison garb-yes. You need to see full body, cuz the pants have vertical stripes of the same color. Which is the slimming one- vertical stripes, right?

[Sparklehorse]

Originally posted by Gattigap
Negotiations for declawing are underway.

May I just say that declawing is cruel and won't solve your problem? Don't do it, there's got to be another solution.

[bilmore]

Originally posted by Sparklehorse
May I just say that declawing is cruel and won't solve your problem? Don't do it, there's got to be another solution.

Problem? Solution? He's just looking for revenge. I think it works well for that.

Originally posted by Sparklehorse
May I just say that declawing is cruel and won't solve your problem?

I agree

Declawing is illegal in pretty much every country besides the US because it is cruel and is not a removal of the claw, as it sounds, but an amputation of the cat's foot bone at the knuckle. It is really quite nasty. See:

http://www.declawing.com/htmls/declawing.htm

Besides which, you can't leave a declawed cat safely outside since they can't defend themselves, so that doesn't help at all since you've already stated that Gus is not a strictly indoor cat.

In my experience, when they get really hungry and the people below cease to amuse them, they come down. Usually at night when you've finally given up and gone to bed.

[Gattigap]

Originally posted by ltl/fb


Gatti, won't the cat fall down if he passes out from dehydration?

Most likely. However, after we'd moved into the third day of his vigil braving Santa Ana winds, there wasn't much appetite within the family unit for waiting longer.

Plus, it would've been a bit dispiriting for the kids to watch an emaciated, unconscious cat drop like a stone.

Plus, the exercise with the Domestic Water Cannon 2.0 was more fun than I'd like to admit.

[Gattigap]

Originally posted by Sparklehorse
May I just say that declawing is cruel and won't solve your problem? Don't do it, there's got to be another solution.

I understand the point, and know a number of folks (SIL is a vet tech, for example) who really frown on the practice.

Reasonable minds may differ on whether it's cruel, but one thing that's clear is that it would solve this particular problem.

(And yes, there may be other solutions. Indoor cat(s). Increased facility and comfort with the Domestic Water Cannon. Who knows?)

[Gattigap]

Originally posted by bilmore
Problem? Solution? He's just looking for revenge. I think it works well for that.

You and I agree on little on the PB, but here I feel like you really understand me. *sniff*

[Sparklehorse]

Originally posted by Gattigap
Reasonable minds may differ on whether it's cruel, but one thing that's clear is that it would solve this particular problem.

I don't think people differ about whether or not it's painful and potentially traumatic (i.e. cruel) for the cat, it's more a matter of whether or not you give a shit compared to some other perceived benefit (which is usually the preservation of upholstery that cost more than the beast).

You could also find the cat a new home where they won't want to cut off his toes.

[Gattigap]

Originally posted by Sparklehorse
I don't think people differ about whether or not it's painful and potentially traumatic (i.e. cruel) for the cat, it's more a matter of whether or not you give a shit compared to some other perceived benefit (which is usually the preservation of upholstery that cost more than the beast).

You could also find the cat a new home where they won't want to cut off his toes.

Hm. I'm sensing that my inclusion of this punch line to the story is removing you from the eHarmony demographic, no?

[bilmore]

Originally posted by Sparklehorse
I don't think people differ about whether or not it's painful and potentially traumatic (i.e. cruel) for the cat, it's more a matter of whether or not you give a shit compared to some other perceived benefit . . .

For a second, I thought this had swung back to the circumcision argument.