Toronto Trim's Hotel Cum Drop-in Centre

[Penske_Account]

Originally posted by cuckold
Wow. Everyone's responses have been great. I actually appreciate SD's advice, although I'm not ready to follow it yet. The idea about emptying the bank accounts is a wise one, at least in part. Long ago I had a joint account with a girlfriend. Day before she broke up with me she took out $5k, leaving me with about $200 to live on for the summer before the bar.

Okay, details, as several asked for: we have young kids and it would pretty much kill me not to see them every day, but on the other hand I'm a GA and taking full time care of them alone would be very, very difficult. Before I found out about the affair, we were having some problems but I was definitely trying to work them out. Now, I'm not so sure. Based on knowing the guy and what I read, I think the level of emotional involvement is somewhere in the middle for her: it's definitely not a one night stand, but I don't think either of them are looking for a permenant hookup (although I could see them occassionally sleeping together for years, if the occassion arose). Several of the e-mails from "Bill" were suggesting three ways with various other women, to which my wife seemed at least somewhat receptive.

I'm still working through this, but right now I'm leaning toward not being okay with this. If it were a one night thing, a fling on a business trip, a hooking up with an old boyfriend just for a weekend, I'd get over it. But I don't think that's the case, even if it isn't a long-term thing either.

I suppose my biggest issue is whether I confront her or not. I could just leave and not say why.

Kill two birds with one stone. Quit your day job to become a stay at home dad. Then go for the divorce, the kids and alimony. During divorce, seek a reconciliation if she will do the FMF with you in the middle. If so, go for it and then kick her to the curb in the A.M.

[ltl/fb]

Does anyone else find it creepy when someone who is a vicious shark (and I mean that in a nice way -- she's on my side) uses a font in emails that you might expect from Betty White from the Golden Girls? Or to see on a calico pillow with "Home Is Where The Heart Is" crosstitched on it?

Creeeepy.

[Greedy,Greedy,Greedy]

Originally posted by ltl/fb
Does anyone else find it creepy when someone who is a vicious shark (and I mean that in a nice way -- she's on my side) uses a font in emails that you might expect from Betty White from the Golden Girls? Or to see on a calico pillow with "Home Is Where The Heart Is" crosstitched on it?

Creeeepy.

Some people need an outlet for their aggressions, but outside that narrow world where they are vicious, insensitive assholes, they are really quite sweet.

I've always imagined that off the boards, you spend most of your time tending roses and listening to classical music.

[Flinty_McFlint]

Originally posted by ltl/fb
Does anyone else find it creepy when someone who is a vicious shark (and I mean that in a nice way -- she's on my side) uses a font in emails that you might expect from Betty White from the Golden Girls? Or to see on a calico pillow with "Home Is Where The Heart Is" crosstitched on it?

Creeeepy.

It's just smart marketing. Like Matlock or NotBob. They pretend to be a kindly, small-town, genteel professional, but really, they are sharks going for your jugular. That's why I have a "Hang in there" Kitty poster in my office.

[notcasesensitive]

Originally posted by cuckold
I suppose my biggest issue is whether I confront her or not. I could just leave and not say why.

Why would you do this? Isn't it going to come out one way or the other? Would the decision not to confront be in order to save face (not let her see you be upset about it) or because you would know going into any potential conflict what your outcome will be and you tend to avoid confrontations?

I would have to have the confrontation, even if I knew the likely outcome, because I couldn't stand leaving something that big unsaid, but I clearly don't understand how the male mind works. Do tell.

Is Bill married? A co-worker of hers? Or mutual friend? Just wondering how you know him so well.

Oh, and, I'm sorry for your situation. That really sucks.

[Greedy,Greedy,Greedy]

Originally posted by notcasesensitive

Oh, and, I'm sorry for your situation. That really sucks.

IRL, I imagine you are a vicious shark.

Unless you are just thinking of cuckold as a Mr. Man replacement. I noticed "c" is not case sensitive.

[Penske_Account]

Originally posted by Greedy,Greedy,Greedy
IRL, I imagine you are a vicious shark.

Unless you are just thinking of cuckold as a Mr. Man replacement. I noticed "c" is not case sensitive.

True confession: "cuckold" is really me and "Bill" the lover is Sidd Finch.

That fucking two-timing bastard!

Now I know what Monica's husband felt like.

[cuckold]

Originally posted by notcasesensitive
Is Bill married? A co-worker of hers? Or mutual friend? Just wondering how you know him so well.

Oh, and, I'm sorry for your situation. That really sucks.

Thanks for your thoughts. Bill is her friend from way back who I've knon for a couple of years. I'm pretty sure, based on my reading, that the affair has only been going on for a month or two. But he's been working on her for a while. Seemed like a decent enough guy when he was just playing the field, until I learned that my wife was on that field.

[sgtclub]

Originally posted by cuckold
Thanks for your thoughts. Bill is her friend from way back who I've knon for a couple of years. I'm pretty sure, based on my reading, that the affair has only been going on for a month or two. But he's been working on her for a while. Seemed like a decent enough guy when he was just playing the field, until I learned that my wife was on that field.

I'm not going to tell you how to handle this one way or another [cough] I agree with Sebby, [/cough], but either way you have to start thinking realistically and setting up your case just in case you decide that is the road you want to head down. Did you print the emails?

[cuckold]

Originally posted by notcasesensitive
Why would you do this? Isn't it going to come out one way or the other? Would the decision not to confront be in order to save face (not let her see you be upset about it) or because you would know going into any potential conflict what your outcome will be and you tend to avoid confrontations?

If I don't confront then (a) I don't have to admit to snooping and (b) I can keep the divorce process smoother for the sake of the kids. If I bring up the affair, it will not end well. There's a part of me that just doesn't ever want to say to my kids "well, honey, the reason Mommy and I don't live together anymore is because she's a huge whore.*"

*NTTAWWT

[bold_n_brazen]

Originally posted by cuckold
Wow. Everyone's responses have been great. I actually appreciate SD's advice, although I'm not ready to follow it yet. The idea about emptying the bank accounts is a wise one, at least in part. Long ago I had a joint account with a girlfriend. Day before she broke up with me she took out $5k, leaving me with about $200 to live on for the summer before the bar.

Okay, details, as several asked for: we have young kids and it would pretty much kill me not to see them every day, but on the other hand I'm a GA and taking full time care of them alone would be very, very difficult. Before I found out about the affair, we were having some problems but I was definitely trying to work them out. Now, I'm not so sure. Based on knowing the guy and what I read, I think the level of emotional involvement is somewhere in the middle for her: it's definitely not a one night stand, but I don't think either of them are looking for a permenant hookup (although I could see them occassionally sleeping together for years, if the occassion arose). Several of the e-mails from "Bill" were suggesting three ways with various other women, to which my wife seemed at least somewhat receptive.

I'm still working through this, but right now I'm leaning toward not being okay with this. If it were a one night thing, a fling on a business trip, a hooking up with an old boyfriend just for a weekend, I'd get over it. But I don't think that's the case, even if it isn't a long-term thing either.

I suppose my biggest issue is whether I confront her or not. I could just leave and not say why.

Because I recently lived through something remarkably like this (although I wasn't cheating. I was merely accused of cheating.) I feel compelled to give advice.

First, you need to be clear on what it is that you want. If you want to stay married to her, that's cool. If her appearing to be having an affair, or if her actually having an affair is a deal-breaker for you, that's cool too. But you need to know going in what your preferred outcome is.

Then you need to talk to her about it. You need to find out if she's actually fucking Bill or if she's just thinking about it. And you need to think about what those things mean. And then decide if you can get over it.

I tend to think that marriage counseling is a valuable tool, even if all it does is make you realise that you don't really want to be married anymore. But it gives you things to think about and talk about. And at this point, thinking about things and talking about things is definitely in order.

You can clean out the bank accounts, etc. but if you actually divorce, you're going to have to cough all that cash up anyway. I'm pretty sure that absent an agreement to the contrary, all that cash is marital property just about everywhere. The temptation is to make the divorce as hard as possible, to punish your spouse for her misdeeds. I can also tell you that from a proactical standpoint, that's likely the worst and most expensive way to proceed. If you can find a way to do a collaborative divorce, you both wind up about where you would have been anyway, without all the fighting and litigation and paying the lawyers.

Even if she's just thinking about fucking Bill, it's pretty bad for you. Women want to have sex with men they fall in love with. This is a huge generalization, but I think even more appropriate when we are talking about within the confines of marriage. That someone else piqued my interest was a huge red flag for me that something was dying inside my marriage. I don't think I would have been open to that possibility had everything been copasetic at home. It's not the reason I left my marriage, but it was a big sign that my marriage was not a healthy one.

And just to cover my ass, I will say, if cuckold is my husband, honey, this is fucking pathetic. If not, I'm sorry for you. There's nothing fun about this situation, especially where kids are involved, and I wish you luck. PM me if you want to vent.

[cuckold]

Originally posted by sgtclub
Did you print the emails?

I am a cuckold. That doesn't mean I'm stupid.

[Greedy,Greedy,Greedy]

Originally posted by Penske_Account
True confession: "cuckold" is really me and "Bill" the lover is Sidd Finch.

That fucking two-timing bastard!

Now I know what Monica's husband felt like.

Clearly, then, she's just sick of your Hillary obsession. You should move to NY and continue to stalk Hillary, let your wife enjoy Sidd's attentions, and know that the kids will be brought up nut right.

[notcasesensitive]

Originally posted by cuckold
If I don't confront then (a) I don't have to admit to snooping and (b) I can keep the divorce process smoother for the sake of the kids. If I bring up the affair, it will not end well. There's a part of me that just doesn't ever want to say to my kids "well, honey, the reason Mommy and I don't live together anymore is because she's a huge whore.*"

*NTTAWWT

I thought you said she left the e-mail open? I doubt that even constitutes snooping in bnb's book.

I agree with TM that she wanted you to find out if she just left an e-mail open like that. Though my guess would be she's been feeling guilty and hasn't known how to tell you herself. I'm actually surprised that she had an affair with an old friend if there was no prior romantic thing between them. Seems like that road would have been explored before [iykwim]. Makes it sound to me like he was initiating and she let your problems at home be an excuse for seeing if the grass was in fact greener. Probably it wasn't.

And that, my friends, is my go at playing armchair psychologist for the day.

[Penske_Account]

Originally posted by bold_n_brazen
Women want to have sex with men they fall in love with. This is a huge generalization, but I think even more appropriate when we are talking about within the confines of marriage. That someone else piqued my interest was a huge red flag for me that something was dying inside my marriage.

Yes, and thus a major difference between men and women is noted.