Fashion Board 12-09-03 through 1-08-04

[Greedy,Greedy,Greedy]

Originally posted by purse junkie
Fantastic. I am wearing my paint-covered ass-ripped jeans and ancient buttersoft holey t-shirt to my next meeting.

This is basically how I dress for most stuff; the remainder is basic black pants and conservative in cut but not in color shirts or, in winter, good sweaters.

If anyone doesn't like it, screw them.

[Fugee]

Originally posted by str8outavannuys
Corrollary: How do you (or people you've observed) lie badly? What mistakes do they make?

1. I have no poker face. Whatever is "in my hand" is reflected all over my face.

2. Even if I could keep a blank face for playing cards, my guilt about lying would show in my face and my voice.

I'm a terrible liar.

[robustpuppy]

Originally posted by Did you just call me Coltrane?
You DID invent it. She was pointing out (using Sebbyspeak as part of the joke - hence the "cat" and "chick" lines) that she didn't buy the navy suit.

You, on the other hand, are using it not specifically as Sebbyspeak, but rather as a I'm-being-condescending-to-mom/dad/etc-by-referring-to-mom/dad/etc-as-a-name-other-than-what-you'd-normally-call-them-but-just-to-sarcastically-clarify-I-mean-mom/dad/etc.

Congratulations, man-pleaser known as bnb.

Sometimes, it's so hard to think of something to say to a chick when all you want to do is buy more time to look at her tits.

[Did you just call me Coltrane?]

Originally posted by paigowprincess
Thank you Immature Misogynististic Whiffer known as Coltrane

You're welcome Ms. (and I stress "Ms.") Missing the joke behind the pointing out the obvious to something obvious a la answering rhetorical questions double whiffer known as Paigow.

[ABBAKiss]

Originally posted by Fugee
I'm a terrible liar.

Me too. This actually helps me get away with stuff though because this fact is well known and I never let anyone forget it. So if ABBA says something that seems like it is a lie, it couldn't possibly be a lie because ABBA is a notoriously bad liar and is upfront about that.

That said, I do not lie often. Just on an as needed basis.

[Shape Shifter]

Originally posted by purse junkie
ancient buttersoft holey

I'm not sure this will work as an appetizer, but we'll go ahead and test market it in limited areas. Who knows? We may find a niche market.

Originally posted by Did you just call me Coltrane?
You're welcome Ms. (and I stress "Ms.") Missing the joke behind the pointing out the obvious to something obvious a la answering rhetorical questions double whiffer known as Paigow.

I am mostly sure that the board will agree I am mainly correct that you are the whiffer. Why don't we make it a poll, dear, since you don't know when to shut up?

[Atticus Grinch]

Originally posted by Bad_Rich_Chic
(ii) Since I usually lie these days to get out of some fuckup or other, I've found acting really distressed/appologetic about the situation, while telling a story that makes it clear that absolutely nothing is my fault, is quite effective.

This is a board full of lawyers, hon. The only people here who can do this without setting off alarm bells in a four-block radius are you and me. All others are better advised to just go on the attack ASAP, and plausibly maintain the outrage until the audience loses all interest or desire to perpetuate the conversation.

(v) If someone starts picking around the truth, ride it out and play dumb. Stop for a minute, think about it, and then say you don't understand. With any luck they will think they are saying something stupid and drop it.

This is brilliant. Also, if someone asks for a detail on which you didn't prepare, say, "Dunno; I didn't notice"* and keep going. At a point of calmer introspection, you can decide whether it will sound more implausible for you to suddenly remember and fill in the gap.

Also, don't smile unless its contextually appropriate to the lie. Liars often smile in a manner that doesn't crease their brow, because it's fake. People who say they can catch a liar's eyes are only partially right --- it has to do with facial muscles. When trying to spot a lie, watch what the liar does immediately after delivering a whopper. Usually their hand will fly up to their neck, ear, or cheek in some primordial defensive reaction, but it doesn't necessarily occur while the lie passes their lips --- it's more in response to what how the other person responds.

*Or, if you're Sebby, "Beats the fuck out of me, dude."

Originally posted by Shape Shifter
I'm not sure this will work as an appetizer, but we'll go ahead and test market it in limited areas. Who knows? We may find a niche market.

Nuh uh. We can use it as at our spinoff chain Cooters Asia, and call it Floppy Woos.

[robustpuppy]

Originally posted by paigowprincess
Nuh uh. We can use it as at our spinoff chain Cooters Asia, and call it Floppy Woos.

I thought Floppy Woo was the Pekingese dog in that James Herriott book (All Creatures Great and Small, I think).

ETA now that I think about it, I think his name was Tricky Woo. I think that would attract a slightly different clientele.

[NotFromHere]

Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
Also, don't explain yourself until someone asks. Walking in saying "Sorry, I'm late because...." Is like saying, "My canned excuse is as follows..." Wait for the asshole to ask you, then say "personal issue, won't happen again" politely and click your pen or adjust your glasses to give body language that says "I'm not discussing it and lets move on to the business at hand."

JHC dude. Slow day at work? You've posted more today than you have in months.

And for my NFH of the day - here is a mad cow. (spree: use of the f-word and the t-word)
Cute, until the end which is stupid.

Mad mad cow

[Mmmm, Burger (C.J.)]

Originally posted by paigowprincess
Nuh uh. We can use it as at our spinoff chain Cooters Asia, and call it Floppy Woos.

Bitch, please, you have to license the Cooters brand from me first.

[Did you just call me Coltrane?]

Originally posted by paigowprincess
I am mostly sure that the board will agree I am mainly correct that you are the whiffer. Why don't we make it a poll, dear, since you don't know when to shut up?

All I know is that it's fun to fight Paigow with Paigow*.

*creating a post that has the possibility of being funny on so many different levels but is so utterly illegible and unintellible that no one can discern where the joke is and on what level. So, at whatever level someone else respnds to, the Paigow can reply that it was on a different level, although even she (or the Paigower) didn't really know which level it applied to in the first place. In reality, it has no levels.

Try it! It's fun. Or does Dave Eggers already have a monopply of this tripe?

[Shape Shifter]

Originally posted by Mmmm, Burger (C.J.)
Bitch, please, you have to license the Cooters brand from me first.

Mascot, please. A deal's a deal. You agreed to have your mug featured on the logo and accepted a salaried position as head chef. Read the fine print. I expect to see you in the kitchen flipping cooterburgers, as agreed.

[Tyrone Slothrop]

Originally posted by taxwonk
I had a hottie tell me I had a nice ass at lunch today, so I know they exist.

I thought she was responding to your question about the cut of meat they used to make your bologna sandwich, but I was having a hard time hearing you over the tractors. Entertaining place -- myself, I never would have noticed that shack.