Toronto Trim's Hotel Cum Drop-in Centre

[robustpuppy]

Originally posted by Alex_de_Large
Isn't eating is by definition having it?

No. "Have" in the expression means "save."

But having -- at least here on the FB -- definitely involves eating.

[sebastian_dangerfield]

Originally posted by robustpuppy
No. "Have" in the expression means "save."

But having -- at least here on the FB -- definitely involves eating.

You need two cakes to really pull it off old school. Unless you're bulimic.

[Mister_Ruysbroeck]

Originally posted by robustpuppy
You've got to have it out. Otherwise everything you leave unsaid will eat at you, and at her, and it won't make the divorce any smoother, and sometime in the future it's going to bubble up in some unexpected and ugly way. It might bubble up in your saying "mommy is a big whore" to your kids instead of "you are a big whore" to your wife.

The truth is never as bad once it's out there, once you say it, as you think it's going to be. The thinking it is much, much worse.

I agree. You need to say it. The question is when do you do it? Maybe the best time is after the divorce is all said and done?

Can you imagine how much it would eat at her through the entire divorce if you refused to talk about your reasons? She would eventually resort to guessing "Was it X?", "Was it Y?" (The answer to each question of course is "I don't really want to talk about it" as opposed to "No", that way, if she stumbles upon the correct reason and actually confesses to you about the affair by saying "Did you find out about the affair with Bill?" you can continue to torture her by giving the same answer "I don't want to talk about it.") Talk about turning the power structure back around and making her suffer.

Then, when it's all said and done, you can tell her, on the way out of the court room, perhaps:

"You wanted to know why I wanted the divorce. Well, I am now prepared to tell you. I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner, but it was for your own protection. I didn't want the court documents to show to your parents, our kids, and the whole world that you're a whore [NTTAWWT]. If you really wanted to have a threesome, you could have just asked me. I'm not sure why you felt the need to go to Bill for that type of activity, but what's done is done and I hope you have a good life. I'll pick the kids up from school on Friday and drop them off at your apartment on Sunday night."

[Mister_Ruysbroeck]

Originally posted by robustpuppy
This is bullshit. Men are much more adept at avoiding emotional confrontation at all cost than women. They'd rather let shit fester, or walk away without addressing it, then talk it out. Just because a guy is willing to punch someone in the face in a bar or have words over a parking space doesn't mean he's willing to confront real issues.

Your mistake is in thinking that it festers. We actually forget all about it until you bring it up again 6 months later, and now that you mention it again, yeah, I guess I have an opinion about it...