New Fashion Board 10-3-2003 - 11-7-2003 - Page 371

greatwhitenorthchick · 10-31-2003, 06:23 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by notcasesensitive

So, anyone heard any good jokes lately?

The answer is no but I'm leaving now so in an effort to lighten the mood I give you the only joke that I can ever remember (I can't remember jokes to save my life). Warning - it is lame.

What did the bra say to the hat?

You go on ahead and I'll give these two a lift.

(I warned you). I will never tell a joke here again.

Tyrone Slothrop · 10-31-2003, 06:29 PM

What's Irish and stays outdoors all winter?

Patio Furniture.

A non-offensive ethnic joke!

pony_trekker · 10-31-2003, 06:33 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by fufu
He was sentenced to thirteen years and paroled twice. Each time I was able have him paroled several counties away from his hunting ground. However, during his last parole his predatory nature got the better of him and he attacked another woman. He was incarcerated for life under California's Three Strikes law.

The woman whom he raped prior to me was autistic, and because of this he was able to plead to a lesser charge. He had only been out of prison for three months when he attacked me. I was told that he had raped, sodomized and orally copulated his way throughout state since he was eighteen.

I am a firm believer in the death penalty for career criminals, child molesters, sexual offenders. At most, three strikes and you die. This guy's life has no purpose, and he will never offer society anything but pain. Hanging him by the neck until dead gives me as much moral trouble as driving on I10 and running into mosquitos

Say_hello_for_me · 10-31-2003, 06:34 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Greedy,Greedy,Greedy
>>I'm going to be you for Holloween<<
Scary!

You really just wanted to find a way to say this, right?

pretermitted_child · 10-31-2003, 06:39 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Greedy,Greedy,Greedy
Well, you seem to have it. I have to head out so I'm going to be you for Holloween and change this back later tonight or tomorrow.

Scary!

Don't you mean "head off," Salome?

NotFromHere · 10-31-2003, 06:40 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by notcasesensitive
I thought the moral was that everyone over 30 is creepy and weird. BTW, there is a misplaced "guy" instead of "gun" in your story that made it a little confusing at first, so if you are a fan of the edit, that might be worthwhile...

I've always suspected that I would freeze and/or be unable to make any noise come out in a panic. Luckily I've never tested it other than in my nightmares.

So, anyone heard any good jokes lately?

thanks, I caught the typo on the 2nd read. Please don't ask why I second read.

But yeah, aren't all over 30 guys who go to high schooler parties creepy? Guys who bring a gun to high schooler parties.

Penske_Account · 10-31-2003, 06:43 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by NotFromHere

But yeah, aren't all over 30 guys who go to high schooler parties creepy?

Are you calling Slave a creep?

NotFromHere · 10-31-2003, 06:44 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Mmmm, Burger (C.J.)
Although why Zim wants to spend his last years sitting on the bench of a sorry-ass team that plays in a sarcophagus, I'll never know.

Same reason Lou is there - so he won't be the oldest guy in the neighborhood.

Well, that - plus the 100% humidity and mosquitos the size of small birds. And I think he could probably afford a house there.
It's not like he's out partying with Jeter.

NotFromHere · 10-31-2003, 06:45 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Penske_Account
Are you calling Slave a creep?

Creepy.

pretermitted_child · 10-31-2003, 06:46 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by ltl/fb
OK, maybe that does work. I didn't think it would b/c I thoguht we weren't supposed to store avatars on here, but whatever.

Thanks! 45 min of undying gratitude to you!!

Yeah, avatars are indeed stored on here. You can upload one directly from your 'puter or, if you provide a link to an image, the image is copied and stored on this server.

NotFromHere · 10-31-2003, 06:57 PM

Here's how you can tell if your trailer house is haunted:

1. Your can of Skoal mysteriously floats through the air.

2. Blood drips out of your simulated wood paneling.

3. The eyes on the velvet Elvis painting move.

4. The room is spinning, and you're not even drunk yet.

5. That car in your front yard isn't on blocks -- it's levitating by itself.

6. Your dog, Bo, gets sucked into the TV set, and he's blocking your view of rasslin'.

7. That mysterious scratching below the floorboards? The Telltale Raccoon.

8. The chain the ghost rattles is attached to his wallet.

9. You feel an eerie presence every time "Freebird" plays on the radio.

10. The trailer is shaking, but there's no tornado in sight.

11. Your Dale Earndhart bed sheets have eyeholes cut in them.

12. The ghost is completely invisible except for the tobacco juice running down his chin.

13. Mysterious footsteps seem to be stomping out "Achy Breaky Heart."

14. There's a funny howlin' noise comin' from the corn crib -- no wait, that's just Jimmy.

15. You hear strange moaning - but only during Shania Twain videos.

16. You're missing four PBR's, and the missus only drinks Old Milwaukee.

17. The lights turn on and off even though you paid the power bill.

18. You hear blood-curdling screams, but both neighbors are still in jail.

19. You get a mysterious phone call that says, "I know what you did last NASCAR race."

20. Instead of saying "Boo," the ghost says "Boo-ya'll!"

21. The veneer of window grime looks just like Calvin ... and he's peeing on YOU!

22. Instead of naked women, your playing cards, all of a sudden, have pictures of covered bridges on them.

23. The folks on Jenny Jones discuss domestic problems that eerily resemble your own.

24. You get a creepy feelin' and it ain't because that Richard Simmons is on TV.

25. You come home one day and it's ... clean!

dc_chef · 10-31-2003, 07:03 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Penske_Account
I was the inspiration for the Politics Board, as you are well aware.

Yeah, "inspiration" is not how I would put it.

Hank Chinaski · 10-31-2003, 07:05 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Shape Shifter
I don't get it. Did you get the hash or not?

not from them. something about them seemed untrustworthy. but the next day we got some the next day we got some the next day we got some the next day we got some

dc_chef · 10-31-2003, 07:09 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by evenodds
In a month, you'll retire, only to be pulled back two days later.

Or just in time for Breasticle Day.

Shape Shifter · 10-31-2003, 07:11 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Hank Chinaski
not from them. something about them seemed untrustworthy. but the next day we got some the next day we got some the next day we got some the next day we got some

All's well that ends well. Bonus points for going to Amsterdam on your honeymoon. Did you go to a sex show? More importantly, did you participate in one? If so, please describe.