Fashion Board 11-2-03 - 12-09-03

[Atticus Grinch]

Originally posted by dtb
Cohen is a quintessential Jewish name, as it confers special "status" because it means you are a descendant of a "high priest" from biblical times. All bets are off, however, if dad marries a shiksa.

The New Yorker, a magazine to which I falsely claim to subscribe, did a story on genealogy and genetic biology in which, inter alia, the author reported a scientific study testing the genetic markers of a bunch of Jewish Americans. They tested to see whether certain families' lore that "We're descended from the high priests" was, in fact, true. They obviously couldn't dig up Moses or Aaron and run the DNA, but they could test the entire pool and determine whether people have a common patrilineal ancestor --- the same test they did on Sally Hemmings's descendants.

I can't remember the exact methodology (something involving the Y chromosome to determine strictly patrilineal descent), but they were able to determine that 60% of those whose family lore claimed priestly origins indeed had common patrilineal ancestors, as opposed to some much smaller number of those who didn't. Considering that the statistical likelihood of paternal illegitimacy is 5 to 10% in each generation, the numbers floored the researchers. It seemed more likely that almost everyone who had this family legend was making it up or retelling the lie of an ancestor who made it up.

Mebbe it's just that the chicks who marry the Cohens never do much wanderin' after all.

[evenodds]

From Google (hi, Atticus!):

"The Columbia Gazetteer of North America.__2000.

Five Towns of Long Island

Five Towns of Long Island, cluster of 5 highly affluent communities within the town of Hempstead, Nassau co., SE N.Y., SE of JFK Internatl. Airport; 40°38'N 73°44'W. Includes Cedarhurst, Hewlett, Inwood, Lawrence, and Woodmere."

FWIW, "Five Towns" was a reference my mother's family used to mean Italian, not Jewish.

http://www.bartleby.com/69/36/F01536.html

[robustpuppy]

Originally posted by paigowprincess
Bashful? Is this a joke? Rosslyn isnt a five town? what about syosset?

Yes, Bashful is a joke on 2 levels. The 5th town is Inwood.

And I agree that the 5 towns is like a little world unto itself, moreso than other heavily jewish communities probably because it's insanely affluent and geographically set apart from the rest of Nassau County.

[Atticus Grinch]

Originally posted by ThurgreedMarshall
Does that mean you grew up on google?

Hate the game, not the playa.

Originally posted by evenodds
From Google (hi, Atticus!):

"The Columbia Gazetteer of North America.__2000.

Five Towns of Long Island

Five Towns of Long Island, cluster of 5 highly affluent communities within the town of Hempstead, Nassau co., SE N.Y., SE of JFK Internatl. Airport; 40°38'N 73°44'W. Includes Cedarhurst, Hewlett, Inwood, Lawrence, and Woodmere."

FWIW, "Five Towns" was a reference my mother's family used to mean Italian, not Jewish.

http://www.bartleby.com/69/36/F01536.html

So the five towns are really five communities within one town? Why are they communities? are they tribes?

[Aloha Mr. Learned Hand]

Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
True, I don't know any Hundu or Muslim Cohens.

I don't know any Hundus period. I think they were killed off, since their whole nonviolent barbarian thing didn't work so well...

[evenodds]

Originally posted by paigowprincess
So the five towns are really five communities within one town? Why are they communities? are they tribes?

Town is a municipal designation, more akin to county other places. Inside each Town are villages (and communities, I guess, since some are not called "village").

[Tyrone Slothrop]

In the Rosie fight, a smart judge says, "you're both losers."

And I'm amazed that no one has discussed this here. "How would you like to walk around on the verge of orgasm every second?"

(spree: newspaper articles)

[Atticus Grinch]

Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
True, I don't know any Hundu or Muslim Cohens.

Originally posted by Aloha Mr. Learned Hand
I don't know any Hundus period. I think they were killed off, since their whole nonviolent barbarian thing didn't work so well...

So you're not familiar with Genghis Cohen, the eminent philatelist? Ty is weeping.*

*I would Google the difference between Mongols and Huns, but I fear TM's sharp rebuke.

[leagleaze]

Originally posted by ThurgreedMarshall
And correct me if I'm wrong, but, aren't you only considered Jewish if your mother is Jewish?

TM

That one varies based upon who you ask. But yes, traditionally, you are only Jewish if your mother is Jewish.

[sebastian_dangerfield]

Originally posted by ThurgreedMarshall
You're not serious are you?

Pssst. Maybe they're German Jews.

TM

Ok, Timmy, I forgot to include the word protesteant after "German."

I know I play the foil for you, but gimme a break... If you hit me on every fuck up the joke will get stale.

S(hit me on the really good ones... lord knows I offer enough A+ material for you... stay off the B stuff)D

[leagleaze]

Originally posted by paigowprincess
OK, lets assume you are right. Can I jump to conclusions based on the other facts we have such as his facial features, his accent, he is from Rosslyn, and what he does? Oh, and his name is Cohen? Yes its all generalizations, but they add up.

The only way to know if someone is Jewish, just as the only way to know if someone is Christian, is if that person tells you through words or deeds.

[sebastian_dangerfield]

Originally posted by paigowprincess
Bashful? Is this a joke? Rosslyn isnt a five town? what about syosset?

I went to tennis camp in Westhampton waaaaaaaaaaay back in the day and there were kids from these towns and it was like beig around aliens-=that's how different they were from anyone I had ever met. their own lingo, their own mannerisms. first thing out of their mouth "hi, I am stacey. are you jewish?" huh? much different than folks from other more tradiionally jewish enclaves in Jersey or Westchester. its some kind of special five towns thing.

I've spent a few days in Hempstead once. I don't recall a whole lotta Jews... just a whole lotta Vinnies and Roccos and a whole lotta gold chains and ground effects on used BMWs.

I'm going to be a fucking snob here and state that the experience was horrifying... no one, not Jews, Catholics, Hindus, Muslaims, satan Worshippers, should spend to much time at the bars in Hempstead.

S(It was like a 5'3 Sylvester Stallone was every third guy)D

[taxwonk]

Originally posted by Atticus Grinch
The New Yorker, a magazine to which I falsely claim to subscribe, did a story on genealogy and genetic biology in which, inter alia, the author reported a scientific study testing the genetic markers of a bunch of Jewish Americans. They tested to see whether certain families' lore that "We're descended from the high priests" was, in fact, true. They obviously couldn't dig up Moses or Aaron and run the DNA, but they could test the entire pool and determine whether people have a common patrilineal ancestor --- the same test they did on Sally Hemmings's descendants.

I can't remember the exact methodology (something involving the Y chromosome to determine strictly patrilineal descent), but they were able to determine that 60% of those whose family lore claimed priestly origins indeed had common patrilineal ancestors, as opposed to some much smaller number of those who didn't. Considering that the statistical likelihood of paternal illegitimacy is 5 to 10% in each generation, the numbers floored the researchers. It seemed more likely that almost everyone who had this family legend was making it up or retelling the lie of an ancestor who made it up.

Mebbe it's just that the chicks who marry the Cohens never do much wanderin' after all.

All of this is rather ironic when one considers that membership in the Jewish tribe is determined matriarchally. This is a fact which many modern reformed Jews overlook. My father for instance, who, whenever he accuses me of not paying enough attention to my Jewish heritage is always nonplussed when I point out to him that I am not, in fact, a Jew, what with Mom being a Catholic and all, unless all you need to be a Jew these days is to call yourself one.

I consider myself to be a nonsecular monotheist. It's a wonderful faith. I talk to God. Occasionally, she answers, after a fashion. And I get to eat pork, lobster and cheeseburgers.

Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
Ok, Timmy, I forgot to include the word protesteant after "German."

I know I play the foil for you, but gimme a break... If you hit me on every fuck up the joke will get stale.

S(hit me on the really good ones... lord knows I offer enough A+ material for you... stay off the B stuff)D

Your parentheticals suck.

SO does nobody thnk that Average Jew is mocking or deriding the MOT community?