The Spanky Show

[SEC_Chick]

Originally posted by Spanky

Racoons. Not so amiable.

Ah, this reminds me of the warm night last summer. I have a couple of stray kitties that I feed every day, and they more or less live in my front yard. Their names are Hello Pretty and Hello Kitty. Their dish is on the step right by my front Door. It was just after dusk, and I checked to make sure thay they had their dinner. I then realized that I had not checked the mail and I headed out towards the Mailbox. I heard something as I headed back in, and realized it was 3 small Raccoons using their little carnie-hand-like paws to shovel the kitty food into their mouths. They also haphazardly stuck their dirty paws in the Kitty water and spilled it from their dish. Unfortunately they stood directly between me and the door, so I couldn't go back in. I had recently mulched my flower beds and tried throwing mulch at them to get them to leave, and making noise, but they were not leaving until every last bit of cat food was in their little tummies. I apparently said FUCK loudly, and Mr. Chick looked out the window, saw my predicament, and opened the garage door so I could go inside. The kitties had been there watching the Raccoons take their food. After that, I stopped feeding the kitties after dark and just gave them a bigger helping in the morning and a small snack when I got home from work.

Other stories from the Chick front yard include emaciated puppies found, nurtured, and presumably destroyed after we took them to the SPCA and then wanted to adopt them back becuase we felt so sorry for them, which was not allowed because they don't adopt out pit bulls, first cat that I fed hit by a car in front of my eyes and buried in my flower bed, and injured dove put out of its misery.

Originally posted by paigowprincess
Spanky:

Don't know where to start. OK here goes

1) Porkchop is TOAST. SO are Spittles and Whiff if you allow the wildlife to roam within the screen door. The next thing you know is Wile E. COyote will pay a visit and you will have a couple of tabby tails lying around with no cat attached.

2) I am pretty solidly certain that the issue of whether the screen door waslookced or not has zilcho to do with the raccoons entrance. They don't have opposable thumbs, Focker. They can't open doors. Also, I am pretty solidly certain that Raccooons enjoy cat foot (especially moist) just as much as a skunk. The only thing we have learned here about raccoons v skunks is that raccoons are more resourceful.

3) You don't have Air Conditioning? Or are you just thrifty? This could be a problem for me. I enjoy a cool bedroom at night.

4) Why didnt you get out of bed and shoo the raccoon or skunk or whatever outside? When you puss out like that it only tells them, "Free Food, lets get the frat brothers and party". Were you scared?

5) This is not the kind of Spanky who showed up this weekend. THat once was an intrepid, resourceful man who knew what he wanted and how to get it. That Spanky would not cower under the covers while the Raccoon ate Salami's moist cat food. This post definitley is a point in the Chance column for sure.

Oh! And I have a great Skunk story. One time I was driving to a barbecue at one of my parent's Yacht Clubs (Spanky digs this WASPy shit, so please indulge me). Anyway, I was driving along, getting ready to turn in to the club when I heard this CRUNCH. Then about one second later, POOF! Skunkstink everywhere.

As I did not have to juice in the car, I just decided to go to the BBQ. Of course, when I got there, Everyone was bitching that it stank like skunk. I am sure when they go to the parking lot and walked by my skunky car, they knew it was me. The Skunk Killer.

If I embarrassed, I would have been so embarrassed.

[Shape Shifter]

Originally posted by paigowprincess
Spanky:
2) I am pretty solidly certain that the issue of whether the screen door waslookced or not has zilcho to do with the raccoons entrance. They don't have opposable thumbs, Focker. They can't open doors. Also, I am pretty solidly certain that Raccooons enjoy cat foot (especially moist) just as much as a skunk. The only thing we have learned here about raccoons v skunks is that raccoons are more resourceful.

Raccoons have opposable thumbs. They are also very intelligent and very curious. They can cause a lot of damage if allowed to enter a house.

And one burst from a skunk, and spanky will have to buy new furniture, carpet, etc. Even then, the stench will last for a good long time.

Both raccoons and skunks transmit rabies. Perhaps spanky needs a Dog?

Originally posted by Flinty_McFlint
Uh oh. The honeymoon is over. Sigh.

Please, Flinty. I am the Moderator and Inventor of this Board. I can't have the Star unhappy with his Vehicle. The only way I can find out is by asking. Communicatino is the key to good relatinships.

And I don't know if the Form over Substance thing was a joke or not but I am getting back at Spanky for saying he doesnt think I knwo wahat a Mullet is. When clealry I do.

[greatwhitenorthchick]

Originally posted by Spanky
It is so hot that I leave the sliding glass door open and the screen shut. I could have sworn I locked the screen door but one of the Racoons got in. Those suckers get big. It looks like I have a choice of sweating through the night or feeding the Racoon.

The skunks smell the catfood and hang outside on the patio but they are not smart enough to figure out how to open the screen door. Although one night last summer, I thought pork chop was at the screen door, by the time I opened the door and he walked past me I realized it was not pork chop but Pepe Le Peu. He practically walked right over my feet.

I had to wait for him to finish his late nite snack and then leave. I have a lot of run ins with Skunks but have never been sprayed. I think you really have to mess with them to get them to spray.

Racoons. Not so amiable.

When I had a back yard, my kitty used to hang with the raccoons (that were as big as bears in some cases). Once I looked out the back window and he was sitting on the stoop and I counted twenty raccoons sitting around him. They were just sitting there, hanging out. It was sweet. This went on for about a year until I moved. He moved to my parents' house and continues to hang with the raccoons there.

And don't feed the raccoons. the reason they are so big is because they have plenty to eat.

Originally posted by SEC_Chick
Ah, this reminds me of the warm night last summer. I have a couple of stray kitties that I feed every day, and they more or less live in my front yard. Their names are Hello Pretty and Hello Kitty. Their dish is on the step right by my front Door. It was just after dusk, and I checked to make sure thay they had their dinner. I then realized that I had not checked the mail and I headed out towards the Mailbox. I heard something as I headed back in, and realized it was 3 small Raccoons using their little carnie-hand-like paws to shovel the kitty food into their mouths. They also haphazardly stuck their dirty paws in the Kitty water and spilled it from their dish. Unfortunately they stood directly between me and the door, so I couldn't go back in. I had recently mulched my flower beds and tried throwing mulch at them to get them to leave, and making noise, but they were not leaving until every last bit of cat food was in their little tummies. I apparently said FUCK loudly, and Mr. Chick looked out the window, saw my predicament, and opened the garage door so I could go inside. The kitties had been there watching the Raccoons take their food. After that, I stopped feeding the kitties after dark and just gave them a bigger helping in the morning and a small snack when I got home from work.

Other stories from the Chick front yard include emaciated puppies found, nurtured, and presumably destroyed after we took them to the SPCA and then wanted to adopt them back becuase we felt so sorry for them, which was not allowed because they don't adopt out pit bulls, first cat that I fed hit by a car in front of my eyes and buried in my flower bed, and injured dove put out of its misery.

I am out. It looks like we have crowned a new Ms. Spankyland. I cannot compete with this. Congrats. Eat an Apple for me.

Originally posted by Shape Shifter
Raccoons have opposable thumbs. They are also very intelligent and very curious. They can cause a lot of damage if allowed to enter a house.

And one burst from a skunk, and spanky will have to buy new furniture, carpet, etc. Even then, the stench will last for a good long time.

Both raccoons and skunks transmit rabies. Perhaps spanky needs a Dog?

You are sayihg that a Raccoon can open a screen door an march right in without clawing through it? Would a flimsy screen door lock deter these intruders? I did not know this. The crafty little buggers.

I reread the Skunk story. It looks like Spanky went to the screen door, opened it ,and the skunk waddled right in? Spanky's feet were apparently right under ths Skunk. He should have just nudged the Skunk out with his Big Mountaint Man Foot awhile the Skunk's ass was still pointing towards the Back Yard tht is in the Front Yard. I am not advocating a Skunk Incident indoors. What would you have done, Johnny Appleseed?

[Shape Shifter]

Originally posted by paigowprincess
You are sayihg that a Raccoon can open a screen door an march right in without clawing through it? Would a flimsy screen door lock deter these intruders? I did not know this. The crafty little buggers.

I reread the Skunk story. It looks like Spanky went to the screen door, opened it ,and the skunk waddled right in? Spanky's feet were apparently right under ths Skunk. He should have just nudged the Skunk out with his Big Mountaint Man Foot awhile the Skunk's ass was still pointing towards the Back Yard tht is in the Front Yard. I am not advocating a Skunk Incident indoors. What would you have done, Johnny Appleseed?

I would get a dog. I would not have done Johnny Appleseed (nttawwt).

Originally posted by Shape Shifter
I would get a dog. I would not have done Johnny Appleseed (nttawwt).

Growing up, we had this really stupid dog (sweet animal though, met a grizzly untimely death). She got sprayed by skunks like ten times in her brief life. I don't see how a dog woudl help.

Spanky has still not answered the questio about this board. Is it gettig too busy? We can't have The Spanky Show without Spanky. It would jsut be The Show.

[ltl/fb]

Originally posted by paigowprincess
Growing up, we had this really stupid dog (sweet animal though, met a grizzly untimely death). She got sprayed by skunks like ten times in her brief life. I don't see how a dog woudl help.

Spanky has still not answered the questio about this board. Is it gettig too busy? We can't have The Spanky Show without Spanky. It would jsut be The Show.

If it were the Show, would Crash be here?

[Atticus Grinch]

Originally posted by paigowprincess
3) You don't have Air Conditioning? Or are you just thrifty? This could be a problem for me. I enjoy a cool bedroom at night.

Kitchen joke in 5 . . . 4 . . . 3 . . .

Originally posted by Atticus Grinch
Kitchen joke in 5 . . . 4 . . . 3 . . .

I don't believe it. THe Rare and Elusive Attican Original Whiff. Dude....

[ltl/fb]

Originally posted by paigowprincess
I don't believe it. THe Rare and Elusive Attican Original Whiff. Dude....

I dunno. I think a "if you can't stand the heat, stay out of the Kitchen" would have been funny. I am a notorious whiffer, though.

[Spanky]

Originally posted by robustpuppy
I have to know: did the skunk mistake Porkchop for a female skunk?

I wish I could say yes. But unfortunately no. The interesting thing is that the cats don't freak out over the Skunks. When another cat comes around, a racoon or a person they don' t know they hiss and growl. But Skunks don't even get them to get up.

At first I thought they must think that the Skunks are just other cats but they don't like other cats. The only other thing I can think of is that the house they grew up in LA was crawling with Skunks. They must have gotten used to them then.

Originally posted by paigowprincess
I am out. It looks like we have crowned a new Ms. Spankyland. I cannot compete with this. Congrats. Eat an Apple for me.

You did know that you can never really go back to the Garden, right? In fact, it's possible that you will never even make it to You.