Fashion Board - Muse to the Fucktards

[sebastian_dangerfield]

Originally posted by i was penske
Hmmmmmmm, one of the top two new blogs I have read in the last month.

After reading all 11 entries, plus comments, the key lesson an oppressed, overworked, underappreciated, all around fantastic husband should take away is, control the money . Without the ability to hijack the cheese, these nags sound powerless. I suppose the vaunted "blowjob embargoe" could have an affect, but then again, if you control the finances, blowjobs are just another commodity.:beer:

My tips:

1. Hang out with slackers (your not playing vids, doing nothing but watching tv and baking yourself to a puddle after work every day will make you look like a great husband by comparison);

2. Don't be a stereotypical 'guy's guy' (i.e., get fat, start requesting blow jobs during hockey games, start doing wing nites with dolt buddies);

3. Fuck her a lot and make her come (its the only thing that truly shuts them up, and it's easy and fun... why every guy doesn't follow this simple rule is beyond me).

If you bang your wife a good deal and stay in relatively good shape, you can get away with bloody murder. I'm ridiculously immature and self absorbed, but I like nailing the Mrs, and she keeps the body tight as a drum, so I keep coming back for more. It's a perfect vicious cycle.

I wish I could translate my relationship luck into work luck. It's like I reserve the only good decisions for use in the home. Guess it could be worse... I wouldn't want to waste them in this shithole Thing I Do...

[sebastian_dangerfield]

Originally posted by Mmmm, Burger (C.J.)
You think they have individual shower stalls in hell?

I hate prosecutors, so this looks like a win/win to me. I'd hate to see the little shit who put Lay away gloat about it at a press conference. Kenny deserved the screwing he got, but nothing's worse than watching a nasally little shit talk about "A great day for justice."

I have no problem with justice... Its just sad so many of the people pushing for it are the types you'd NEVER want to be around. Maybe it's me, but nothing's less palatable than a crusader. These are the kind of folks who get honorifics and plaques in their names.

If they're honoring you, you cared too much.

[patentparanyc]

Apropos of Nothing and somewhat related.

Do you think it is reasonable for my husband to expect me to drop to a size 2 or 4?

Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
My tips:

1. Hang out with slackers (your not playing vids, doing nothing but watching tv and baking yourself to a puddle after work every day will make you look like a great husband by comparison);

2. Don't be a stereotypical 'guy's guy' (i.e., get fat, start requesting blow jobs during hockey games, start doing wing nites with dolt buddies);

3. Fuck her a lot and make her come (its the only thing that truly shuts them up, and it's easy and fun... why every guy doesn't follow this simple rule is beyond me).

If you bang your wife a good deal and stay in relatively good shape, you can get away with bloody murder. I'm ridiculously immature and self absorbed, but I like nailing the Mrs, and she keeps the body tight as a drum, so I keep coming back for more. It's a perfect vicious cycle.

I wish I could translate my relationship luck into work luck. It's like I reserve the only good decisions for use in the home. Guess it could be worse... I wouldn't want to waste them in this shithole Thing I Do...

[Did you just call me Coltrane?]

Originally posted by patentparanyc
Apropos of Nothing and somewhat related.

Do you think it is reasonable for my husband to expect me to drop to a size 2 or 4?

What size are you now? A 6? Fatass.

[patentparanyc]

you're so mean. I'll take that as a "yes, it is reasonable and start running more"

Originally posted by Did you just call me Coltrane?
What size are you now? A 6? Fatass.

[Apropos of Nothing]

Originally posted by patentparanyc
Apropos of Nothing and somewhat related.

Do you think it is reasonable for my husband to expect me to drop to a size 2 or 4?

I can't speak for that "somewhat related" person (is he a kafka sock? or a chef sock?) you were also asking, but I'd say that no, it is Not Reasonable.

Apro . . . uh, by the by, I understand that Stanley Tucci's character in The Devil Wears Prada has a line where he says that 2 is the new 4, 4 is the new 6, and 6 is the new 14. But he was playing a snide fashionisto at a Vogue-ish magazine, so YMMV. STS. NPI.

[sebastian_dangerfield]

Originally posted by patentparanyc
you're so mean. I'll take that as a "yes, it is reasonable and start running more"

Penske -

You're ability to throw around women's sizes is both impressive and disturbing at once. You truly are amazing, yet at the same time, I can't help but wonder if you aren't very ill.

SD

[patentparanyc]

He's taking that sock to the next level...

Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
Penske -

You're ability to throw around women's sizes is both impressive and disturbing at once. You truly are amazing, yet at the same time, I can't help but wonder if you aren't very ill.

SD

[Ben Lurkin]

Originally posted by patentparanyc
Apropos of Nothing and somewhat related.

Do you think it is reasonable for my husband to expect me to drop to a size 2 or 4?

Girlfriend, puh-leeeeeeeeze!!!! You got it going on just the way you are, don't go changin' to try to please him.......

ben l

Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
I wish I could translate my relationship luck into work luck. It's like I reserve the only good decisions for use in the home.

Have you considered a career in the lucrative field of Lifestyle and Relationship Consulting? You could probably get a reality-show gig on one of the cable networks without even hardly tryin'.

And once "Pimp My Marriage" takes off, the rest is gravy and $750/hr private consults with henpecked executive husbands. "Just fuck her, man, and make her come. What the fuck is so hard about that, you fat, slobbery piece of shit? And what did I tell you about getting some slacker friends, fuckwad? Jesus Christ, I don't know why I fucking bother."

[patentparanyc]

Totally.

http://abc.go.com/primetime/howtogettheguy/

spree: tv show for socially impaired chicks to try to get a boyfriend.

Could you see Sebby on the show? too funny.

"Girl you just need to work it. Be wild in bed and a lady on his arm--get it together, a'ight?"

Originally posted by ironweed
Have you considered a career in the lucrative field of Lifestyle and Relationship Consulting? You could probably get a reality-show gig on one of the cable networks without even hardly tryin'.

And once "Pimp My Marriage" takes off, the rest is gravy and $750/hr private consults with henpecked executive husbands. "Just fuck her, man, and make her come. What the fuck is so hard about that, you fat, slobbery piece of shit? And what did I tell you about getting some slacker friends, fuckwad? Jesus Christ, I don't know why I fucking bother."

[sebastian_dangerfield]

Originally posted by ironweed
Have you considered a career in the lucrative field of Lifestyle and Relationship Consulting? You could probably get a reality-show gig on one of the cable networks without even hardly tryin'.

And once "Pimp My Marriage" takes off, the rest is gravy and $750/hr private consults with henpecked executive husbands. "Just fuck her, man, and make her come. What the fuck is so hard about that, you fat, slobbery piece of shit? And what did I tell you about getting some slacker friends, fuckwad? Jesus Christ, I don't know why I fucking bother."

It's part of my "Simple Network" Package. I can solve any problem within 100 words.

[pony_trekker]

Originally posted by Apropos of Nothing

. . . 2 is the new 4, 4 is the new 6, and 6 is the new 14.

I thought this comment referred to inches.

[i was penske]

Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
Penske -

You're ability to throw around women's sizes is both impressive and disturbing at once. You truly are amazing, yet at the same time, I can't help but wonder if you aren't very ill.

SD

Still ill, but just fyi, the org chart shows that patentpara is a sock for dainty petunia who was a sock for the original patentpara who may or may not have been my sock.

That is all.

Carry on.

[i was penske]

Originally posted by SlaveNoMore
Didn't you just get back from vacay?

For an Admin, I swear, I'm the last to know about anything.

Marriages. Kids. Long Distance Relationships. Long Distance Affairs. MySpace. Fake Slave MySpace Socks*. "Paigow" on Disability and doing comedy [?]. Penske pretending to be 5 separate people...again.


*Not bad - for the most part, about 85% right

Is the myspaceslave on of the 5? If so, fyi, I relinquished my position in that enterprise.