Happy Birthday, Preston Michael Spears Federline and other Certain Special Someones!

[Mmmm, Burger (C.J.)]

Originally posted by Hank Chinaski
she'll have plenty of opportunitys for that on the LPGA tour.

She's as interested in that tour as you and TM.

[sebastian_dangerfield]

Originally posted by Replaced_Texan
Fred sounds like a love-sick fool who isn't likely to take any advice on this whole thing from anyone until he's hit rock bottom. Keep an eye out on him, be available when he has his inevitable moment of realization that he's been screwed and supply him with plenty of alcohol. If you're into that sort of thing, offer to be his second at the inevitable duel.

"'In affairs of the heart, Princess,' Cesar used to say, 'one should neither offer advice nor solulutions...just a clean hanky when appropriate.'"
--The Flanders Panel, Arturo Perez Reverte, pg. 14.

Love sick fool? Nah... Fred's an previously involuntarily celibate disaster. To get bullshitted that badly requires a desperation for pussy that would make Steve Howe's cocaine use look like passing experimentation. Fred would fall head over heels for the right blow up doll.

The guy fell in love with a fucking mail order bride! In the pantheon of idiotic and/or unbelievably pathetic acts, he's just below eating out a hooker because you think that might cleave you from the crowd and "make her love you."

[nononono]

[i]
"'In affairs of the heart, Princess,' Cesar used to say, 'one should neither offer advice nor solulutions...just a clean hanky when appropriate.'"
--The Flanders Panel, Arturo Perez Reverte, pg. 14.

Do you think that? I always want advice about those things. I want comfort for about 30 seconds, then I want someone to dissect it with/for me.

[Did you just call me Coltrane?]

Originally posted by paigowprincess
Not to question your self-appointed status as Dr. Ass but
WRong-o. Youare confusing cellulie on the thin and cellulite on the adipose challenged. The cellulite kicks in way before 24.

"Visible" cellulite, then. Even when slapped and/or spanked.

eta: Luckily, I have yet to see it when plowing a 24-year old from behind.*

*completely false. I cannot deny occasionally going hogging.

[Alex_de_Large]

Originally posted by robustpuppy
A. Shoot heroin; get it all over with
B. French kiss business end of .44
C. Pop rocks/soda at same time
D. Eat diced pineapple from crack whore's crack
E. Draino sundae
F. Both barrels under chin, toe on trigger

D. Definitely D.

[Shape Shifter]

Originally posted by Replaced_Texan
Fred sounds like a love-sick fool who isn't likely to take any advice on this whole thing from anyone until he's hit rock bottom. Keep an eye out on him, be available when he has his inevitable moment of realization that he's been screwed and supply him with plenty of alcohol. If you're into that sort of thing, offer to be his second at the inevitable duel.

"'In affairs of the heart, Princess,' Cesar used to say, 'one should neither offer advice nor solulutions...just a clean hanky when appropriate.'"
--The Flanders Panel, Arturo Perez Reverte, pg. 14.

What's the hanky for?

[sebastian_dangerfield]

Originally posted by Did you just call me Coltrane?
"Visible" cellulite, then. Even when slapped and/or spanked.

Excellent distinction. Most people are very concerned with the more insidious invisible variety. Its a condition like high blood pressure - you're really fat, but you never know it.

[dtb]

Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
Excellent distinction. Most people are very concerned with the more insidious invisible variety. Its a condition like high blood pressure - you're really fat, but you never know it.

There's an invisible variety? I think everyone has that.

Originally posted by ThurgreedMarshall
No. It really doesn't (well, on asses other than yours, it would seem).

TM

Wrong-o, Assie, Esquire.



Cellulite is a common term used to describe superficial pockets of trapped fat, which cause uneven dimpling or “orange peel” skin. It appears in 90% of post-adolescent women and is rarely seen in men. Common but not exclusive areas where cellulite is found, are the thighs, buttocks, and the abdomen [Ref. 1]. Contrary to popular belief, cellulite is not related to obesity, since it occurs in overweight, normal, and thin women.

[Did you just call me Coltrane?]

Originally posted by dtb
There's an invisible variety? I think everyone has that.

I'd be willing to bet that most cellulite occurs on a cellular level.

eta: Scheiße! Completely wrong!

Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
He still loves her? Be a little - no, a lot - a hell of a lot - more selective in picking your friends.

Fred is not really a "friend" friend. But a few of us used to work together and some of us used to give Fred pointers on what to do on a date and what not to do. Fred was the kind of guy who would fall in love with the barrista at Starbucks and then blow it on the first date by being too eager. I think he was a virgin into his early 20s. I think the fact that he fell in love so quickly was par for his course, but to get married so soon was suspicious to the rest of us. The wife not from Serbia, but somewhere south of the U.S.

I think mostly that he's in denial about having been used by the wife as a gravy train and free housing. I just wonder if she can implicate him in any of the crimes the boyfried has committed.

[Hank Chinaski]

Originally posted by Shape Shifter
What's the hanky for?

Ready to guess:

You're anon, Penske is Fred and the little refugee boy from NO he took in is the brother.

[Penske_Account]

Originally posted by Did you just call me Coltrane?
What about NFH's balls? Penske says she has big hairy ones.

I was talking about her TITs and said "big cherry ones", because she was wearing a cherry red sweater when we met.

[sebastian_dangerfield]

Originally posted by dtb
There's an invisible variety? I think everyone has that.

Thats why I insist my dates submit to cat scans. Its the only way to ensure they aren't secretly fat.

You could be a cellulite riddled mess and not have a clue. Isn't it scary?

[Penske_Account]

Originally posted by nononono
Do you think that? I always want advice about those things. I want comfort for about 30 seconds, then I want someone to dissect it with/for me.

You need to hire a psychologist or at least an amatuer psychologist to interpret this stuff.