Removing the feeding tube from our aging hipster plaid pants

[sebastian_dangerfield]

Originally posted by ltl/fb
I have it on good authority I make more than a pretty damn cute guy, who is not a moron, who is senior to me. So that can't be true in all cases.

You can't compare yourself to a man in re looks. You must compare him to other men, and yourself to other women. I'd didn't make these rules, I just enforce them.

[sebastian_dangerfield]

Originally posted by Shape Shifter
Good looks = better pay. Thanks for figuring this out, Federal Reserve!

Not. In. Law.

[sebastian_dangerfield]

Originally posted by Shape Shifter
So it's true?

Everything except having to polish my grandmother's anal plug.

[ltl/fb]

Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
You can't compare yourself to a man in re looks. You must compare him to other men, and yourself to other women. I'd didn't make these rules, I just enforce them.

Yes, but men always make more money. This guy is better looking than the other guys and I'm . . . .

shit, I do work with a lot of really quite unattractive women.

I wonder if I make more, or close to as much as, the more senior but even I think she's pretty damn hot woman down the hall? She's quite a bit more senior. I doubt I do.

[ltl/fb]

Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
Everything except having to polish my grandmother's anal plug.

Licking is a form of polishing, sebby.

[notcasesensitive]

Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
Would it be illegal to host a show where you offered people piles of cash to engage in lewd and lascivious public conduct. If I were Bill gates, I'd start a cable show where I'd pay people to masturbate in public. It'd be the funniest half hour of television anywhere. Could you imagine the look on people's faces in grocery stores, Wal Marts, etc? But I wonder, could the sponsor get sued/prosecuted for paying people to do that?

I used to pay a friend's younger brother ten bucks to walk into McDonalds or grocery/drug stores, quietly make his way to the front of the line, get to the counter and start screaming or jabbering about people chasing him, throw his arms in the air, flail a bit and go rtearing out the front door. It waorked magnificently at lunch time. Not quite as good as setting off the stink bomb in a crowded pizza joint (you should see how fuming mad angry guidos can get), but pretty funny. I always wondered, "What if we paid him enough to walk into the bathroom, disrobe, and walk out stark naked? he;d horrify everyone." I have always been held back because I didn't have enough money.

And now its all been done by Jackass anyway. But not ALL of it...

The radio show in NY that encouraged the people to have sex in the Catholic Cathedral. Something happened to them I remember, but not sure if it was only losing their jobs.

I just made up a fun Thursday afternoon game for myself. I'm relatively new to an office environment where people are constantly being paged to the telephone (in my old office, being out of your office was good enough excuse, dammit). So anyway, this woman was paged, like, 6 times in a row. So I substituted in the salesman guy* by Chris Farley for the operator's voice. It went something like this.

Jennifer Smith, please call the operator.
For the love of God, if you are there, call the operator Jennifer Smith!
I know you can hear me, Jennifer Smith!
Pick up the goddamned phone, Jennifer Smith, and call the operator!
Come on, Jennifer Smith.
Work with me here.
Call the fucking operator!

Good times.



*I was originally thinking van down by the river guy, but this is the other guy who begs people to be allowed to bathe their grandmother.

[AbsOfSteel]

Originally posted by Shape Shifter
Good looks = better pay. Thanks for figuring this out, Federal Reserve!

Didn't work out for the woman who works at the Harvard U. Library.

[ltl/fb]

Originally posted by AbsOfSteel
Didn't work out for the woman who works at the Harvard U. Library.

What brand of pearlecent (whatever) body lotion do you use? Or is it special lighting?

[AbsOfSteel]

Originally posted by ltl/fb
What brand of pearlecent (whatever) body lotion do you use? Or is it special lighting?

Astroglide

[Shape Shifter]

Originally posted by AbsOfSteel
Didn't work out for the woman who works at the Harvard U. Library.

She couldn't spell.

[AbsOfSteel]

Originally posted by Shape Shifter
She couldn't spell.

Her business card read: Harvard Liberry

[Did you just call me Coltrane?]

Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
When we lived in the city, my wife claimed there was this nasty old cat who jacked off to chicks sunning themselves in a local park. She also claimed he had a massive hog. I had to see for myself. One day I went with her and sure enopugh, across from a bunch of young girls sunning themselves, this huge fat fucker who looks like BB King sits on a bench, lays a paper on his lap so it looks like he's reading, slips his hand into his shorts and starts working on himself.

I asked my wife how she knew he had a huge hog. She said he'd walk around half erect sometimes and the bulge would run down to the bottom of his shorts... among other things, I'm sure.

The "Hammer" or "Tripod" in the English Gardens in Munich is a frightening thing to see. If you've been on Mike's Bike Tour, you've probably seen him. He's a nudist, and appears to have three legs from a distance.

[Shape Shifter]

Originally posted by AbsOfSteel
Her business card read: Harvard Liberry

I have had avatars turned off recently, but I had noticed much discussion of yours recently, so I viewed your profile so I could see it.

Are you a woman or a gay (nttawwt) man?

[Hank Chinaski]

Originally posted by Did you just call me Coltrane?
The "Hammer" or "Tripod" in the English Gardens in Munich is a frightening thing to see.

Imagine having to face that every morning in the mirror-

[Did you just call me Coltrane?]

Originally posted by Hank Chinaski
Imagine having to face that every morning in the mirror-

Whatever you say, dickface.