Removing the feeding tube from our aging hipster plaid pants

[Hank Chinaski]

Originally posted by Did you just call me Coltrane?
Whatever you say, dickface.

Exactly. And you keep telling women you meet "Um... my eyes are up here, why are you starting there?" but you know yourself its the first thing you stare at yourself every morning.

[Did you just call me Coltrane?]

Originally posted by Hank Chinaski
Exactly. And you keep telling women you meet "Um... my eyes are up here, why are you starting there?" but you know yourself its the first thing you stare at yourself every morning.

No, I was saying that you actually have a dick for a face.

[Hank Chinaski]

Originally posted by Did you just call me Coltrane?
No, I was saying that you actually have a dick for a face.

I knew what you meant, but its my neck- not face, and its called a goiter- and its a common medical condition, and just fuck you!

[Replaced_Texan]

Originally posted by greatwhitenorthchick
For those of you that are apartment-dwellers, do you put on a show for your neighbours or do you lower your blinds?

I don't think it would surprise anyone to find out that I generally forget about the blinds until after the deed is done. It's not a deliberate show, but it's not my main consideration.

[Did you just call me Coltrane?]

Originally posted by Hank Chinaski
I knew what you meant, but its my neck- not face, and its called a goiter- and its a common medical condition, and just fuck you!

An images search for "dickface" brings back some interesting results. Not exactly what I expected.

[Replaced_Texan]

Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
It also involves an aversion to doing laundry.

Make it a point to wear a suit occasionally. This will allow you to interview without raising suspicion.

My brother caused a bunch of the partners in his office to freak out on Friday when he showed up to work in a suit. Apparently the "family funeral" memo didn't circulate as widely as it should have.

[bold_n_brazen]

Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
When we lived in the city, my wife claimed there was this nasty old cat who jacked off to chicks sunning themselves in a local park. She also claimed he had a massive hog. I had to see for myself. One day I went with her and sure enopugh, across from a bunch of young girls sunning themselves, this huge fat fucker who looks like BB King sits on a bench, lays a paper on his lap so it looks like he's reading, slips his hand into his shorts and starts working on himself.

I asked my wife how she knew he had a huge hog. She said he'd walk around half erect sometimes and the bulge would run down to the bottom of his shorts... among other things, I'm sure.

When I was in law school, a guy masturbated at me in the city's large public library. I actually changed tables twice, only to be followed by this guy with his hand down his sweatpants, before I gave up and went home.

The really sad thing about this was that I had been set up on a blind date that evening with a psychiatrist. Notwithstanding the fact that he was much, much shorter than he had been described (and in fact, shorter than me), I was trying to make the best of it. So I gamely told him the story of the masturbating man in the library. He looked at me serenely, steepled his fingers and said "How did that make you feel?"

I immediately imagined him, in the midst of sex, asking "How does this make you feel?" Needless to say, we never found out.

[ltl/fb]

Originally posted by bold_n_brazen
When I was in law school, a guy masturbated at me in the city's large public library. I actually changed tables twice, only to be followed by this guy with his hand down his sweatpants, before I gave up and went home.

The really sad thing about this was that I had been set up on a blind date that evening with a psychiatrist. Notwithstanding the fact that he was much, much shorter than he had been described (and in fact, shorter than me), I was trying to make the best of it. So I gamely told him the story of the masturbating man in the library. He looked at me serenely, steepled his fingers and said "How did that make you feel?"

I immediately imagined him, in the midst of sex, asking "How does this make you feel?" Needless to say, we never found out.

Because unlike, say, bringing copies of The Story of O, or talking about toe-sucking, talking about a masturbating stranger following one around in the library is always good on a first date.

[Hank Chinaski]

Originally posted by Did you just call me Coltrane?
An images search for "dickface" brings back some interesting results. Not exactly what I expected.

this is me- hope you're proud. Now the girls won't like me

http://www.your-doctor.net/images/en...id/Goiter2.jpg

You're a funny guy. i know! go call fat people fat, then laugh!

edited by Not Bob to turn a really gross image into a link to a really gross picture. Sorry, Hank. RT can overrule me if she wants on this one, but that was just too gross to be splashed on the page. O'Malley, my new associate, threw up on my new cordovan wing-tips when she saw it.

So I was wondering what it was that I could do next, something that wouldnt be so sedentary and creativity stifling. So I picked up a copy of the Chronicle and flipped to the help wanted. Its a tough market here in the really Windy City so I am trying to look into unorthodox type or work. Just want to pay the mortgage. ANyway, someone is looking for a full-time spittle tray cleaner. Do you have any idea what this line of work would pay?

[Hank Chinaski]

edited by Not Bob to turn a really gross image into a link to a really gross picture. Sorry, Hank. RT can overrule me if she wants on this one, but that was just too gross to be splashed on the page. O'Malley, my new associate, threw up on my new cordovan wing-tips when she saw it.

Rt- that I get censored is proof I'm an artist, right?

[str8outavannuys]

Originally posted by Sparklehorse
Is it pathetic or cool that I know this? That's from the video to Move Your Feet by Junior Senior. If memory serves, PLF declared this a cool song in the summer of 2003. Pisco Sours, anyone?

For a dichotomy: Junior Senior or Junior Boys?

A. Junior Boys

For a dichotomy: Junior Boys, or Junior Griffey?

"Junior Griffey now, or Junior Griffey circa 1992?"
"Junior Griffey now."
"Junior Boys."

[str8outavannuys]

Originally posted by str8outavannuys
Are you going with world rankings? I'd go with guys who are hot right now - Brandt Jobe should be in Tier 3, and he played great last week. Rich Beem will be in either 2 or 3, and he's got a track record in the majors and is also playing well right now. Another I like is Mark Hensby, though he hasn't really caught fire this year. He's #54 in the world. And there's always Olazabal . Triplett is not a bad choice either. Finally, think about Arron Oberholser and Scott McCarron. They've looked good this year.

For your middle tier, think about Fred Funk, Charles Howell III and Tim Clark.

Top tier should obviously be Phil and Tiger.

Hensby, -3, 2d place
Beem, +2, 37th place
Olazabal, +2, ditto
Oberholser, McCarron, Jobe - did not qualify (oops)
Funk, E, 11th place
Howell III, E, 11th
Tim Clark, +2, 37th
Phil, -2, 5th place
Tiger, +2, 37th.

Not great, but no disasters either.

[tmdiva]

Sorry so late on posting this week--I know you've all been waiting to hear what I had to say.

I thought it was a somewhat odd choice for a theme, given that "too Broadway" has been a regular criticism in the past. I also wonder if they picked it to favor certain contestants with greater familiarity with the genre--Constantine "I'm an actor" Maroulis and Anwar "never met a standard I didn't like" Robinson--because those were the only two who really seemed comfortable.

I thought of Nikko and Scott, Scott should have been the one to leave--he's seemed increasingly uncomfortable over the last few weeks. I wonder if someone told him to cut out the Aaron-Neville-ish vibrato? Nikko had almost completely eliminated his always-sharp vibrato, but still was having some pitch issues, so I'm not particularly sad to see him go.

The one who really should have gone was Tracheotomy Boy. Heaven help us--he sounds like he's competing in a high school talent contest.

Carrie turned in a perfectly workmanlike performance. I got the feeling she could have done as well with just about any song. Too bad she didn't find a song where she could really shine.

Nadia has GOT to stop shouting. She's got the opposite problem of many of the other singers, who struggle on the verse and blow it out on the big finish. She sounds great at the beginning, when she's just singing, and then switches to this hard, dimensionless yelling on the high notes at the end.

Anwar needs to take some lessons from Constantine on connecting with the TV audience. Maybe if he just plain old took some of Constantine's eye energy, it would tone Constantine down enough so he wouldn't be creepy any more, and Anwar would seem more comfortable with the camera. Constantine really has learned too well the acting fundamental of projecting energy through your eyes (I don't know if that's what they call it in acting classes, but that's what it feels like if you do it right).

tm

[Mister_Ruysbroeck]

Originally posted by AbsOfSteel
Astroglide

/wave

Hi noober.