General discussion - Mom and Dad Esq.

[pony_trekker]

Originally posted by Anon Parent
Hi all. I was just put on strattera for ADD/ADHD. I'm wondering if any of your children have been placed on it and how it's going for them?

No drugs for my kid.

[Jack Manfred]

Originally posted by tmdiva
Anyone else read the article in the latest Time magazine about grade skipping?

No.

Anyone have personal experience with this issue, either for yourself or with your kids?

My grade school wanted me to skip a grade (fourth, I think). My parents refused at the time, and have offered various reasons why over the years. The problem was, my best friend in school was given the same offer, and his parents accepted. I'm sure everything would have been fine if I had skipped fourth grade but had a close friend in fifth grade.

In retrospect, with how much private school cost, I think my parents would have skipped me just to save the cash.

I did very well in grade school, but my parents had no idea what I was being taught. My parents liked the religious nature of the K-8 schools where their children went, but they might have had second thoughts if they knew what nutjobs they really were. On the plus side, I'm inherently skeptical of organized religion and predisposed to fundamentalism of all kinds. I don't think that's what they were shooting for, but unintended consequences...

[Secret_Agent_Man]

Originally posted by tmdiva
Anyone else read the article in the latest Time magazine about grade skipping? Anyone have personal experience with this issue, either for yourself or with your kids?
tm

Yes and no. I started 1st grade a year early (more or less "tested out" of kindergarten), and because I had a late birthday I was about two years younger than my classmates.

My elementary (parochial) school also proposed to my parents that I skip two grades -- go from 3rd grade straight into 6th. My parents refused to permit it. I was not told about the offer for years, and have been grateful ever since that my parents refused.

There is a real tough balance between the intellectual and social issues. I did real well academically all through school, and am convinced both that I needed to start school early and that I needed the challenge to keep interested and motivated. I'm also convinced that I could have handled the work reasonably well if I had been put ahead farther, but the social dimensions might have been a nightmare.

As it was, I was two years younger -- and two years makes a huge difference socially essentially until the later part of college. I turned 16 during my senior year in high school, etc., etc.

I had a very hard time socially in 8th grade (age 12) and in HS. Fortunately, I grew enough between 9th and 10th grade that I was of a size with my peers, but it was not easy. If I had been even younger (i.e. if I had been skipped) -- I might have been young enough that I would have had an easier time in H.S. (they might have taken pity and watched out for the kid). Even so, I would not have wanted to start college at age 14 rather than 16 -- I would have been even more socially maladjusted than I obviously am.

I would NOT worry too much about being a year younger. The kid will live.

S_A_M

(eta "NOT")

[viet_mom]

So I finally picked out a sofa and coordinating chair -- upholstered in a camel cover -- and my Sister warns that I should instead get a darker color or something in a pattern because of the Vietbabe. I think my Sister's right that the sofa will show even a small juice spill. What have you all done when choosing new furniture with youngsters? Anyone use the internet to buy a sofa or to get ideas?

Thanks.

Vietmom.

[pony_trekker]

Originally posted by viet_mom
So I finally picked out a sofa and coordinating chair -- upholstered in a camel cover -- and my Sister warns that I should instead get a darker color or something in a pattern because of the Vietbabe. I think my Sister's right that the sofa will show even a small juice spill. What have you all done when choosing new furniture with youngsters? Anyone use the internet to buy a sofa or to get ideas?

Thanks.

Vietmom.

I basically buy garbage. http://www.lawtalkers.com/forums/sho...553#post123553

[viet_mom]

Originally posted by pony_trekker
I basically buy garbage. http://www.lawtalkers.com/forums/sho...553#post123553

How funny the same thread is going on there. Er....sofa buying that is; clearly Thurgreed is childless with that big Scotch Guard-less white (not even cream!) sectional sofa.

Well, if anyone has any ideas on a sofa/matching or coordinating chair with ottoman, I'm all ears. I would love to order a custom couch from Taylor King which has a ton of different fabric/pattern choices but they take at least 10 weeks and I need a sofa like yesterday since my cat peed all over the current sofa (since got rid of him) and the Babe and I are sitting on these in the meantime and my butt is starting to hurt:

My sister says a sofa with a darkish print that has an eclectic/Moroccan look would look good in the room, which is an eclectic mix of stuff from my travels, especially Southeast Asia and Africa. Normally I would go searching for some antique but no time. Two pet peeves: I hate when sofa arms "end" before reaching the full length of the frame, and I also don't like when the entire back of the sofa is a bunch of loosely collected pillows.

I realize this is not the designing lawyers but board, but hey you never know.

It depends on whether you let the kid and/or kid's friends and/or pets anywhere near the furniture.

There are loads of lovely (and sometimes expensive) upholstered pieces out there - I like to buy antiques at auction and re-upholster myself, but there are lots of other options. Check Ebay live auctions for furniture sales near you - it's usually cost effective to buy Victorian walnut or oak pieces - they are often beautifully made and the wood frames are orders of magnitude better than modern pieces.

However, as your sister wisely pointed out - children will stain the upholstery fabric, and no matter what anyone says, it is hard to clean unless it can be taken off and machine washed.

So if you want practical, you really need slipcovers. Places like Pottery Barn have acceptable, if not very exciting, slipcovered ottomans/chairs/etc.

You can also skip the whole upholstered route, and go with Smith and Hawken type teak furniture (they have indoor lines), with cushion covers that can be machine washed.

Failing machine washable, leather is the next best option, particularly dark leathers, which won't show juice and tomato sauce stains.

[Atticus Grinch]

Originally posted by viet_mom
What have you all done when choosing new furniture with youngsters?

Vomiting babies and toddlers are a strong argument for leather upholstery (a position usually advocated by a male in a pair). So far, I've won this argument with regard to one club chair and all cars. I gave in on the sofa, because even with the additional wipe-clean practicality, that's a lot of damn leather in one room, and I'm not a coke pimp or a cowboy. Barring leather, you don't want anything in a velvet texture. Microfiber is good, but can start to look sloppy after a few years of abuse.

Eventually, someone is going to regret the home design trend away from the "living room as museum/natural preserve" of prewar houses. Going from living room + family room to simply "great room" means you're entertaining fellow adults in phantom pools of yesterday's baby vomit. I'd rather have a house with a parlor that's used once every two months by adults only.

P.S. Kitchen chairs, if not just wood, should be upholstered in nothing but leather. Wet sponge = problem solved.

P.P.S. A couch lives or dies by the quality of the seat cushions, not the upholstery. Spending $1,200 on a couch you will set fire to when your oldest is 16 is an option, but for $3K to $5K you'll have 16 years of better sitting. I'm impressed with Baker furniture for deluxe quality. It's hard to justify $5K for a single piece of furniture, though.

[ltl/fb]

Originally posted by tmdiva
What I've heard (can't remember exactly where) is that smart kids with involved parents will do well in just about any school, and stupid kids with uninvolved parents will do poorly. The quality of the school makes a substantial difference only for those kids who are of more or less average intelligence/motivation, etc.

We've still got another year of preschool before hitting kindergarten, but we're already starting to think seriously about where Magnus will be going to school in the long term, and are stressing a little (at least I am) over the whole balance between keeping him sufficiently challenged and keeping him with kids of his own age group. In preschool, it hasn't been much of an issue because the curriculum is not academic and he gets most of his intellectual stimulation at home. However, I know this will change sooner rather than later, possibly as early as next year in kindergarten.

Anyone else read the article in the latest Time magazine about grade skipping? Anyone have personal experience with this issue, either for yourself or with your kids?

tm

I skipped a grade, but it was when my family moved from one area of the country to a very very different area of the country. I have no idea whether I would have been happier and/or more normal if I hadn't skipped. I remember a bunch of kids at the new school saying that I wouldn't be able to graduate from high school unless I went back and completed that grade. If an earlier grade is skipped, or if your kid goes to school with non-morons, this won't be an issue.

Don't move your kids halfway across the country when they are in grade school if you can help it. Really, really don't do it twice.

ETA the moving thing may be different if your kid will be in an environment where all the kids get moved around a lot (e.g., military bases). God. Now I'm depressed.

[ltl/fb]

Originally posted by Atticus Grinch
Concur. Best reason for Catholic school is that they will discipline your child and they won't apologize for it.

Yeah, having kids dragged into an office and whacked repeatedly with a paddle with no apology to the parent, and no explanation to anyone, is really the best possible environment. Or, having your kid be punished and failed on a project for having the wrong texture posterboard, without any apology to the parent or the kid, is also a great environment. I don't think that "unafraid to impose discipline without apology" is really a fabulous way of evaluating a school, beddy-boy. There's a balance.

[tmdiva]

Originally posted by Atticus Grinch
Vomiting babies and toddlers are a strong argument for leather upholstery (a position usually advocated by a male in a pair). So far, I've won this argument with regard to one club chair and all cars. I gave in on the sofa, because even with the additional wipe-clean practicality, that's a lot of damn leather in one room, and I'm not a coke pimp or a cowboy. Barring leather, you don't want anything in a velvet texture. Microfiber is good, but can start to look sloppy after a few years of abuse.

Eventually, someone is going to regret the home design trend away from the "living room as museum/natural preserve" of prewar houses. Going from living room + family room to simply "great room" means you're entertaining fellow adults in phantom pools of yesterday's baby vomit. I'd rather have a house with a parlor that's used once every two months by adults only.

I disagree on the velvet thing, at least insofar as synthetic velveteen-like fabric (I would agree that long-nap silk velvet is a thoroughly bad idea in a house with children of any age, and most adults). We have something like this on our living room sofa, a room that sees some kid use, but not as much as our family room (we live in a 1910 house and finished the attic to serve as family room). I've found that the velvety nap keeps the spitup from soaking into the fabric, and if you get to it quickly, it can be wiped off without leaving a spot.

The upstairs family room has a navy blue leather sofa that my husband brought into our marriage. I've never really liked it, but it doesn't show dirt or spills, that's for sure (granted, we don't eat up there).

I'm a big fan of slipcovers. Both my couch and loveseat in the living room have them. The loveseat was a piece I already had, and I had new slipcovers made by a very skilled seamstress, and it looks upholstered. It did run me $600-800, but the original piece of furniture was purchased from an old lady going into a nursing home for $50 and has down cushions (!), so well worth it. The big sofa was purchased from a local custom-furniture shop. I had them make it a foot longer than usual (so a large adult could actually sleep on it), got to pick my own fabric and it was still only $1100. I should have made them redo the slipcovers (I asked for fitted, and they're definitely not), but it was still a good deal.

So I'd recommend looking for a local custom-furniture place, not a big national chain (the one I bought my sofa from has two locations here in Stumptown). I'd also recommend custom slipcovers as a great option if you like the shape of something you already have, but are tired of the fabric. I found my person by asking the local high-end home fabric store for recommendations.

tm

I think good schools can make a huge difference to any kid, and I am shocked to hear several opinions to the contrary from a group of highly-educated professionals. How can anyone who has seen the difference between a good and a bad school setting think that it makes no difference? In my view, moreover, good schools matter even *more* to the kids at the margins (super-smart/learning-disabled), because the best schools are the same ones that have resources to devote to those kids' special needs, and that have teachers who are skilled at differentiating instruction across whatever classroom spectrum they are presented with.

Even if you focus strictly on raw, objective educational outcomes (standardized test scores, college placement, etc.), there is a significant gap between strong and weak schools -- you may not be able to accurately weigh Andover vs. Exeter, but you can sure tell the difference between New Trier and the Chicago Public Schools. And the gap is even bigger if you take into account the "soft" aspects of quality of education -- is the learning process stimulating, inspiring, rich, deep, multi-layered, differentiated, etc. More talented, better trained teachers, smaller class sizes, better tracking of kids with appropriate peer groups, adequate concentrations of highly talented and special-needs kids, all contribute even more to those soft aspects than to hard outcomes.

I challenge anyone here to think back to his or her best, most stimulating, exciting, content-rich class ever, imagine substituting five classes like that for your five worst classes ever, and say that that would have no effect on your life today and the kind of person you are. How could you not want that for your kids?

I'm personally a public-school devotee, and agree with the folks who have said it's important to expose your kids to a spectrum of class, race, etc., that they aren't likely to see in a private school. But it's a far cry from that to saying that *whatever* they get exposed to in school is helpful.

Originally posted by tmdiva
What I've heard (can't remember exactly where) is that smart kids with involved parents will do well in just about any school, and stupid kids with uninvolved parents will do poorly. The quality of the school makes a substantial difference only for those kids who are of more or less average intelligence/motivation, etc.

We've still got another year of preschool before hitting kindergarten, but we're already starting to think seriously about where Magnus will be going to school in the long term, and are stressing a little (at least I am) over the whole balance between keeping him sufficiently challenged and keeping him with kids of his own age group. In preschool, it hasn't been much of an issue because the curriculum is not academic and he gets most of his intellectual stimulation at home. However, I know this will change sooner rather than later, possibly as early as next year in kindergarten.

Anyone else read the article in the latest Time magazine about grade skipping? Anyone have personal experience with this issue, either for yourself or with your kids?

tm

[pony_trekker]

Originally posted by credit this
I think good schools can make a huge difference to any kid, and I am shocked to hear several opinions to the contrary from a group of highly-educated professionals.

Oh bullshit. Hoity-toity private school makes your kid a wuss. I went to public school in a bad neighborhood and I turned out just fine, well only a little bit fucked up, well fucked up. Well, maybe your're right.

[Gattigap]

The eldest Gaplet has reached the "show and tell" stage now that he's in kindergarten. We're expending efforts trying to encourage him to take something mildly informative or interesting, like a lemon from the tree in the backyard, instead of the shiny new Lego toy he's assembled.

New note to self: Fruit from the trees in the backyard - OK. Items from the hydroponic basement -- not OK.

[spree: preschooler takes Mom's pot to show & tell. Hilarity and arrest ensues.]

[viet_mom]

.....We Todd Did. I almost bought an eggplant colored sofa - had the credit card in hand. Have decided to lay off the sofa hunting for a while and just ordered a cheap futon (delivery - Friday) to tide us over until permanent seating arrangements are decided. (Somewhere to sit other than cat pee furniture)

Thanks so much for all your responses:

Leather/Coke Dealer-Cowboy:

Very funny. It's interesting so many of the men favor leather and the ladies of the house protest. I tried out some leather ones by lying down on them and.....I felt like I would be lying on a dead animal every day (oh, no, please don't counter with a menu of what is in upholstery - I eat sausage too). Lying on the leather couch also felt like I was curled up with a guy in a leather jacket (NTTAWWT). It was all too weird. Chicks simply don't dig leather. [*Edited to say: chicks simply don't dig leather SOFAS that is]

Slip Covers:

That would seem to be the way to go. On the other hand, I'm so busy and procrastinate on household things I know I'd never take it off to get it dry cleaned, or I would but then it would be another month before I put it back on.....etc. I will try it though.

Atticus posted a link to furniture I think called "Baker's". I had decided to order custom made from Ethan Allen when I was on their website (changed my mind) and I guess I also had Baker's web site up too. I mistakenly thought Bakers was Ethan Allen and broke out in a sweat over the prices. Ouch!!

Overall, I find it hard to go the custom route because I can't see past the fabrics/colors to look at the structure of the sofa itself. I see colors I like and then want to buy the sofa even though you can use the colors on any design of sofa. I'm now too confused to proceed further and can't wait for the futon to arrive. They made me pick out a futon cover and handed me 50 swatches and I got panicky.

Thanks again for your help!