Fashion Board 6-9-04 to 7-13-04

[bold_n_brazen]

Originally posted by Did you just call me Coltrane?
At least you get a party with the wedding. The ring gets you...actually, the ring symbolizes the END of blow jobs, so scratch that...

Dissent. The time period from the engagement until the wedding is actually sexually rich. It's the wedding ring that symbolizes the end of blow jobs.

[dtb]

Originally posted by ThurgreedMarshall
In my experience, men don't really care about how elaborate the wedding is. The party afterwards, maybe. But mostly guys just talk big about the wedding because they know it will make the woman happy. It's their big day and so many women have been programmed to dream about it since the day they turned two that you better fucking be excited about it. But once you have exhibited that excitement sufficiently, get the fuck out of the way, because here comes the mother-in-law to take your place in all of the decision-making processes.

TM

Speaking of weddings, I received a proposal the other day from my son (he's 5). Not a proposal, I suppose, more of statement of fact. (It was a hug and a "Mommy, I want to marry you.")

Oedipus, Schmedipus; I think it was sweet.

[patentparanyc]

Originally posted by ThurgreedMarshall
Nope. Because what's really behind over-the-top weddings for so many women is the "in your face" they get to shake in front of all of their friends.

Here's what I see about these ridiculous weddings that are most talked about with women:

• How did the guy engage? Was it just the most romantic and original thing ever?
• How big and extravagant and original or whatever is the ring?
• How much was the dress and who designed it?
• Who did the flowers?
• The friends who are invited who have yet to find themselves a man -- who are they bringing?

These questions are the reasons why so many women get married. If they can raise some jealousy and envy in their closest friends, the wedding will be a huge success. Without these things, everything else is just a party.

TM

Okay, now you're making it sound like women are petty and trying to make it into one big contest where the prize is a groom and a party. Some women actually want to share with their close friends a special moment where they are starting to create a family of their own. Hello. You make us all sound like superficial spiteful twits.

[robustpuppy]

Originally posted by patentparanyc
You make us all sound like superficial spiteful twits.

Don't be so hard on yourself. You never sound spiteful.

[sebastian_dangerfield]

Originally posted by patentparanyc
Okay, now you're making it sound like women are petty and trying to make it into one big contest where the prize is a groom and a party. Some women actually want to share with their close friends a special moment where they are starting to create a family of their own. Hello. You make us all sound like superficial spiteful twits.

This raises the most annoying practice of all at weddings: The bride or groom's parent telling the room how much he/she'd like grandchildren. Tasteless. Why no just say "Hey, everybody, close your eye and think about the couple fucking."

Hey old man/woman, you may think a grandkid is automatic, but I plan to have many years of enjoying childless wedded bliss before we engage in that shit, so lets bag saddling the guests with some rather inappropriate imagery and take the focus of your pathetic need to relive early parenthood.

[Did you just call me Coltrane?]

Originally posted by robustpuppy
Don't be so hard on yourself. You never sound spiteful.

Hey, and you never sound superficial!

[Greedy,Greedy,Greedy]

Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
This raises the most annoying practice of all at weddings: The bride or groom's parent telling the room how much he/she'd like grandchildren. Tasteless. Why no just say "Hey, everybody, close your eye and think about the couple fucking."

Hey old man/woman, you may think a grandkid is automatic, but I plan to have many years of enjoying childless wedded bliss before we engage in that shit, so lets bag saddling the guests with some rather inappropriate imagery and take the focus of your pathetic need to relive early parenthood.

Some of us prefer to see the ceremony closed with the display of the bedsheets to show that everything is on the right track. We should all honor the old traditions.

[robustpuppy]

Originally posted by Did you just call me Coltrane?
Hey, and you never sound superficial!

Whoa hoa hoa, I really teed that one up for you, didn't I?

I just love the attention you pay me.

[ltl/fb]

Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
lets bag saddling the guests with some rather inappropriate imagery

If you and your wife are as hot as you claim, that could relieve your guests of the need to drop cash on PPV after the reception.

Originally posted by dtb
Speaking of weddings, I received a proposal the other day from my son (he's 5). Not a proposal, I suppose, more of statement of fact. (It was a hug and a "Mommy, I want to marry you.")

Oedipus, Schmedipus; I think it was sweet.

The Weedlet (almost 4) often tells me she will marry her grandmother when she grows up (because, of course, grandmothers are the source of all joy and goodness in the world). I have not addressed the host of legal and cultural issues such a move would raise. Occasionally she will also ask my wife or I why we got married to each other, which provides us with an opportunity to zing each other. Good times indeed.

We had a semi-big wedding in TCOTU. I insisted on two things: (1) open bar and (2) a list of songs that were not to be played during the reception under any circumstances. I also argued for Guinness draft in cans because the beer is far superior, but cans were considered too tacky and we had bottles instead more's the pity. Our friends and family had a blast. We were exhausted but pleased that they were pleased. Taking the dough was not an option.

I will note that a cash bar at weddings is SOP in Ireland, where I suppose a young couple could find themselves bankrupted over the course of an afternoon. This little quirk leads to some interesting disputes, such as the time the wedding party was evacuated from the hotel due to a bomb scare and came back to find all of their unfinished drink had been cleared by the management. Righteous indignation ensued and the drink was restored. I love a happy ending.

[Did you just call me Coltrane?]

Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
We also bagged all speeches (except best man/maid of honor)

Thank you. Good god the speeches. Shut the fuck up already. Nobody is listening.

The worst is when the bride & groom give individual speeches to each other at the reception. We all understand how wonderful and inspirational this person is to you...you JUST married her/him. "Let me tell you how wonderful you are!" "No, let ME tell YOU how wonderful YOU are!" "Oh Schmoopy!"

[Mister_Ruysbroeck]

Originally posted by bold_n_brazen
Dissent. The time period from the engagement until the wedding is actually sexually rich. It's the wedding ring that symbolizes the end of blow jobs.

Fortunately, this has not been my experience. However, it does remind me of a joke (which I'm sure you've all heard):

Q: What's the quickest way to get a woman to stop giving you head?

A: Marry her.

[spookyfish]

Originally posted by ABBAKiss
If you friends and family are not hot, you should concentrate on getting some hot stunt guests there rather than on the food.

Or in the alternative, raise the liquor budget by a factor of five.

[the Spartan]

Originally posted by bold_n_brazen
Dissent. The time period from the engagement until the wedding is actually sexually rich. It's the wedding ring that symbolizes the end of blow jobs.

Dissent. As far as I can tell from my vantage point, ymmv, death signals the end of blow jobs. Unless of course you end up with 72 white raisins in the afterlife.



eta: and castration, no offence.

[sebastian_dangerfield]

Originally posted by ltl/fb
If you and your wife are as hot as you claim, that could relieve your guests of the need to drop cash on PPV after the reception.

My in laws bought the wife and me a full length mirror a few weeks back. I walk upstairs and see it and, thinking my wife is walking around in the other room and the in laws are downstairs, exclaim "Great. I can finally start masturbating again."

Unfortunately, the sound in the adjoining room was my mother in law. But she was snickering.