Fashionistas you have arrived 3-25-03 - 10-3-03 - Page 937

str8outavannuys · 07-17-2003, 02:15 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by paigowprincess
I am so sure.

***
Less

Do bookmakers take bets on a movie being an absolute, Heavens Gate, style disaster? Bc I would like to bet the farm on Gigli. I know nothing about this movie except that JHo and Ben assfleck are in it, and that Ben appears to play an Italian gangster in the movie(!) from a commercial I saw. I think this is also the movie that gave us the world's most vainglorious, overexposed couple ever. If ever there was schadenfreude amongst the schlock movie ticket buying mainstream, this movie would have to incite it. Tabloids, magazine covers, Pat OBrien, even the fucking NYT. Its enough already. You just arent that interesting. But man are you overpaid.

Jen and Ben are going on Barabara Walters to discuss their relationship? Who gives a flying fuck? And what dont we already know about it that even the most studious kayaker amongst us could not avoid learning? I bet even Bilmore knows what the ring is.

This movie should sink like a stone. And I bet that does wonders for the relationship.

Not a fair bet. Everyone in this town already knows that Gigli is unwatchable. It's been finished for months, but hasn't been released until now, because (rumor has it) it's so incredibly horrible. The expectations are so phenomenally low that the distributor will probably be saying "compared to what our tracking showed, it did phenomenally well, and we're thrilled." I'd expect about $7 million for the first weekend, dropping off very significantly after that. It won't affect the relationship at all. Ben and J-Lo know it's a dog with fleas.

taxwonk · 07-17-2003, 02:15 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Sidd Finch
So, I was thinking about posting about my weekend of ridiculous debauchery, which included falling head over heels for a woman of a particular profession (no, not THAT profession), which is kind of strange because it's not like I've never indulged in that sort of recreational activity before, but never have I ended up so obsessed, but perhaps this time the difference was the particular, um, shall we say, body chemistry I had going on, but nonetheless I'm still feeling pretty obsessed, and I turned down a semi-clear invitation to request/offer a phone number, because after all there's the whole wife-and-kid thing to consider, but the wife-and-kid thing has had its issues and maybe I should take a chance at a little adventure, but probably it's a horribly bad idea, but just what does someone do when the obsession and intrigue won't fade, and it's really all making me pretty useless at this "job" thing......

But I've thought better of the whole thing. Because all it's gonna do is lead to a bunch of meta-meta-meta posts on the right and wrong ways to respond to a little moronic Christian-baiting. Or some such crap. At this point, if Dealtoy is still lstening, all's I can say is "sorry, dude. But having another kid would clearly be a mistake."

Sidd(where, oh where, is Dead F**king Horse's Shit-Shoveler when we need him?)Finch

Translation: So anyway, I was well into a three-day bender when I mouthed off to this lady cop. Anyway, after she knocked me to the ground and was kneeling on my neck slapping the cuffs on me, I thought to myself, "hey, this is really turning me on."

But then, while I was spitting teeth out in the back of the squad car, I started to sober up a little and realized it probably wouldn't have worked out. I mean, hell, the chick's got a fucking gun! If she ever finds out I'm married, she'll kill my ass.

At that point, I tried to apologize, but when I leaned forward, she maced me over the seat back. Then I puked all over myself and passed out.

ThurgreedMarshall · 07-17-2003, 02:16 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Mmmm, Burger (C.J.)
So, you're saying you didn't measure up?

Damn. Walked into that one.

How many guys on this board know how big their dick actually is? I bet you all do. I can't wait to read the "I don't know and don't care," "whoever knows must be insecure or immature" posts.

TM

str8outavannuys · 07-17-2003, 02:22 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by ThurgreedMarshall
Okay, I have a question and I would appreciate some specific answers.

I want to buy a porn dvd and I want it to be good. It needs to be hard core (penetration, money shots, etc.) high quality film, hot women, good looking guy(s) and I don't want it to be cheesy (I understand this last request may be impossible, but humor me). Although I've watched some porn in my day, I've never owned a movie and usually I watch the porn lite that you find on Skinemax or Playboy (that hotbox I had that one year was great -- and anyone who uses that last line for a joke just really isn't trying very hard).

I don't want to just hear from the guys, as I plan on watching it with someone else.

Is there such a thing as "The Godfather" of porn?

Don't be shy. All suggestions will be appreciated.

Thurgreed(and I love Heather Hunter, if that helps)Marshall

I think Andrew Blake has hotter women in his movies than anyone else, by far. It's more artsy and less hardcore then your usual fare, but the hotness of the women more than makes up for it. Though some of his movies are all female, so if that's not what you're looking for, check the credits on the outside of the box.

Replaced_Texan · 07-17-2003, 02:23 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by ThurgreedMarshall

Is there such a thing as "The Godfather" of porn?

Don't be shy. All suggestions will be appreciated.

Thurgreed(and I love Heather Hunter, if that helps)Marshall

First, if there's someone else's tastes involved, some friends of mine wrote an article on buying porn for other people. I find it funny.
http://www.popgurls.com/article_show.php3?id=217 (These are the same friends that have the inside scoop on trading spaces' season premire, and the latest installment is up at http://www.popgurls.com/article_show.php3?id=371)

Second, Good Vibrations has a publication called The Good Vibration Guide to Adult Videos. They have a rating system, including symbols for a variety of features (women on women, female penetrating male, interracial, superior film making, independent production, etc.) Their website sells a few of the movies reviewed in the publication, and uses the same rating stystem. The website categorizes their videos into "Plot" "No Plot, just sex" and Instructional." A few years ago, they started their own production company because customers weren't happy with the quality of the porn out there. I wasn't overly impressed with their first production, and I'm not sure if they're still making their own porn.

Third, a friend who has a peripheral business assocated with DVD sales recommends Excalibur films (www.excaluburfilms.com), which has a starlet directory where you can search for movies by actress. They have reviews of the films, and a retail component. He warns that Vivid charges for the use of the site. He also gives the following warning: "The big problem is a lot of the artsy or soft touch (love) stuff these days is BORING so its hard to tell. They are great quality, hot women and men but the way they are shot leaves a lot to be desired for anything much more than background noise (Southern Comfort is a nice example)."

str8outavannuys · 07-17-2003, 02:26 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by ThurgreedMarshall
Come on. It's a penis, man. Wouldn't you think that guys who measured their penises would make up a rule that would make it sound as big as possible?

That said, I always assumed it was supposed to be measured from the top of the base to the tip. However, the girl who measured mine in college (god, I miss her) seemed to be an expert and she measured it from the place where the shaft meets the balls to the tip.

TM

Dan Savage tackled this question in his Savage Love column recently. He said (and I agree) that the only fair way to do it is from the spot a couple of inches below the navel where the penis starts. I agree. That's the "insertable" part, hence it's what should be counted.

Edited to add: Of course everybody knows their measurements, and checks it at least once a year to see if they've improved.

Atticus Grinch · 07-17-2003, 02:34 PM

Family Suing Church Over Hell Prediction at Funeral

Excuse me, but if there's a cognizable IIED claim against organized religion, the plaintiff's bar will finally do what Darwin, Sade, Marx, and O'Hair could not.

ThurgreedMarshall · 07-17-2003, 02:38 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Atticus Grinch
Excuse me, but if there's a cognizable IIED claim against organized religion, the plaintiff's bar will finally do what Darwin, Sade, Marx, and O'Hair could not.

Darwin's cool. But Sade was hot. I love her work. So sultry. The Marx brothers were good for a laugh. And I think because of its central location, O'Hair is one of those airports that is doomed to just always be clogged up.

I think I missed your point.

TM

Atticus Grinch · 07-17-2003, 02:42 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by ThurgreedMarshall
Darwin's cool. But Sade was hot. I love her work. So sultry. The Marx brothers were good for a laugh. And I think because of its central location, O'Hair is one of those airports that is doomed to just always be clogged up.

I think I missed your point.

TM

LOL!

07-17-2003, 02:46 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by SlaveNoMore
A few more comments -

Late 80's - early 90's Andrew Blake stuff was expensively produced. Anything after that is a fetish vid.

Fuck Vivid. There is no point to porn if everyone is fucking with a jimmyhat.

Jenna looks like a freak these days

Why? Pics?

07-17-2003, 02:57 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by ThurgreedMarshall
Darwin's cool. But Sade was hot. I love her work. So sultry. The Marx brothers were good for a laugh. And I think because of its central location, O'Hair is one of those airports that is doomed to just always be clogged up.

I think I missed your point.

TM

Darwin is full of shit. Evolution? Maybe social evolution- that's how I got up here on top of the ladder. But thats it.

Sade is supermarket music that if listened to in bed, would induce sleep. What are you, TM, a girl?

Speaking of shitty music, I did not know Richard Marx had a brother.

Perhaps if O'Hair got a nice brazilian, em would not be so clogged.

NotFromHere · 07-17-2003, 03:05 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by paigowprincess

Perhaps if O'Hair got a nice brazilian, em would not be so clogged.

Please woman, it's called a MOBY now.

ThurgreedMarshall · 07-17-2003, 03:08 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by paigowprincess Darwin is full of shit. Evolution? Maybe social evolution- that's how I got up here on top of the ladder. But thats it.

Jacob's Ladder isn't what we were talking about, looney.

Quote:

Originally posted by paigowprincess Sade is supermarket music that if listened to in bed, would induce sleep. What are you, TM, a girl?

I am not a girl and if you haven't smoked a bone and spent an afternoon having sex while listening to Sade, then you should spend more time outside of supermarkets.

Quote:

Originally posted by paigowprincess Speaking of shitty music, I did not know Richard Marx had a brother.

Karl was not as known for his musical brilliance as for his other work, but his album, "The Percussionist Manifesto" is highly regarded in many jazz circles.

Quote:

Originally posted by paigowprincess Perhaps if O'Hair got a nice brazilian, em would not be so clogged.

I hear she takes it anal, so I don't think it's that much of a problem.

TM

Atticus Grinch · 07-17-2003, 03:20 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by ThurgreedMarshall
I hear she takes it anal, so I don't think it's that much of a problem.

Oh, thank God. For a while I was afraid that the FB would spend the day debating whether LL Cool J is Canadian. This is more like it.

07-17-2003, 03:24 PM

Quote:

[i]I hear she takes it anal, so I don't think it's that much of a problem.

TM

First off, it can definitely be a problem. You should revise your porno wish list to ensure bleached blondes with a dark brown or black ass muffin do not appear in your visual field. I saw this once and was simply horrified. Esp since there wasnt a disco mitt up front to give me fair warning. Just, ew.

Secondly, I am reminded of your classic "Ladies, wash your asses" post. I think you should repost it here in the event Thrasher ever gets the nerve to do it through the backdoor.