Quote:
Originally posted by Atticus Grinch
Want to clue us in on whether you find the opposites to be true, or are you saying there's no correlation at all?
In a special clue to TM and NFH, you can't disprove an observation based on anecdotal evidence by merely by offering contrary anecdotal evidence, when the thesis was carefully qualified by the words "generally" or "usually," as mine was. I was hoping the post would spark some discussion more extensive than "You're dead wrong. Period." I don't need to be right, but I'd rather be proved wrong than merely told so.
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I dig your tendency to be a smartass. But it doesn't work quite so well with something like this.
1. Stating a thesis on how friendships begin and work and expecting people to disprove your "general" conclusion or "usual" result is just plain dumb. No one on this board is going to point you to empirical evidence proving or disproving your brilliant thesis. All other theories will be based on anecdotal evidence.
So...
2. What you actually want
is anectdotal evidence. If everyone on the board responds to your thesis with "That's total bullshit because in my experience..." then you have the numbers that will enable you to come to a conclusion on the accuracy of your thesis, don't you?
3. If anecdotal evidence is irrelevant, why did you spend so much time telling us about your personal experience (which I presume is the foundation for your thesis)?
So, what has my experience been? My closest friend is male*. I would not put my wife (when were close) in the category of "friend," but we're not talking about that distinction here. He has been my best friend since we met in 3rd grade (public school). We stopped going to school together beginning with high school and took entirely different paths thereafter. But he will always know me better than anyone not related to me (and in many instances even better than they) and I him. We can talk to each other about subjects that I wouldn't want to share with anyone else, but we don't do it that often. Most of the time it's unnecessary because we know exactly how the other person feels about whatever issue it is anyway. He would do and has done anything for me and vice versa.
There have been times, like college, when we weren't in touch as much as you would think best friends would be, but it made no difference because we were as thick as thieves on breaks. That's the way it is with guys. It's a different type of friendship than the one your wife believes makes up a close friendship. But it is no less strong and we are no less close than your wife and her best friend.
Most of my friends are from grade school and junior high. I have a few from high school, but our interests and experiences have changed enough and our friendships weren't strong enough for me to be very close with any of them. My roomate in college is still a close friend. And the friends I made in law school were mostly female and won't stand the test of time.
I would say that of the people I know who have gotten married, the best man (if not a brother or something) goes farther back than college or law school. Out of most women I know, their friends tend to be women and they go way back too. Exceptions are few in my experience.
TM
It's the perfect blendship. When other friendships go up in smoke. Ours will still be oak.
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