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[ABBAKiss]

I am dating a guy who just got out of rehab for drugs and alcohol. I like him. Here are my questions: Does anyone know anyone who went through rehab and actually cleaned up their life as opposed to relapsing again and again until they disappear? Is this an utter waste of my time since I still enjoy having a cocktail or 12 and now he cannot drink and hanging out with me may cause him to relapse? Has anyone ever dated or even have anecdotal information about dating a recovering fill-in-the-blank?

I usually date the raging addicts so this is totally new for me!

[NotFromHere]

Originally posted by notcasesensitive
I was just emailing with my boss about a football game that he is going to have to miss and I said "That is a bummer." and he replied "Indeed."

So, um, hey there, boss guy if you are reading this! I would, like, never call you a cocksucker or anything. To your face or otherwise.

He told me that the cocksucker comment was no biggie, but the flaming fucking inconsiderate asshole comment stung a little. And that he's willing to overlook it because you are so willing to take one for the team and work the 300 hours he needs you to work until the end of the year.

In addition, I am trying to get out of here early tonight but "someone" needs "someone" to stay late. There is an ongoing pissing match as to whether MNF or the Warriors game is more important.

I'm feeling flu-like symptoms. Does that give me the advantage?

Originally posted by ABBAKiss
I am dating a guy who just got out of rehab for drugs and alcohol. I like him. Here are my questions: Does anyone know anyone who went through rehab and actually cleaned up their life as opposed to relapsing again and again until they disappear? Is this an utter waste of my time since I still enjoy having a cocktail or 12 and now he cannot drink and hanging out with me may cause him to relapse? Has anyone ever dated or even have anecdotal information about dating a recovering fill-in-the-blank?

I usually date the raging addicts so this is totally new for me!

Have you been out somewhere yet where you had a drink or 12 and he couldn't? I have known some people who are absolutely fine watching their friends and loved ones get smashed while they drink half a non-alcoholic beer, and others who have to walk around the block to avoid passing in front of the bar.

[patentparanyc]

Originally posted by ABBAKiss
I am dating a guy who just got out of rehab for drugs and alcohol. I like him. Here are my questions: Does anyone know anyone who went through rehab and actually cleaned up their life as opposed to relapsing again and again until they disappear? Is this an utter waste of my time since I still enjoy having a cocktail or 12 and now he cannot drink and hanging out with me may cause him to relapse? Has anyone ever dated or even have anecdotal information about dating a recovering fill-in-the-blank?

I usually date the raging addicts so this is totally new for me!

Well, at least he's not a gambler like one woman I used to work with used to date and he won't spend all your monay.

Re: Sebby's comment. I was thinking the same exact thing. weird.

My husband told me a story about his cousin's friend who was Ivy educated, married a trust fund boy banker who didn't really have to work...but did. and two years later, he's in rehab and they are divorced.

[notcasesensitive]

Originally posted by ABBAKiss
I am dating a guy who just got out of rehab for drugs and alcohol. I like him. Here are my questions: Does anyone know anyone who went through rehab and actually cleaned up their life as opposed to relapsing again and again until they disappear? Is this an utter waste of my time since I still enjoy having a cocktail or 12 and now he cannot drink and hanging out with me may cause him to relapse? Has anyone ever dated or even have anecdotal information about dating a recovering fill-in-the-blank?

I usually date the raging addicts so this is totally new for me!

I have a friend who lives with (and has a child with) a recovering alcoholic. I guess it depends on the person, but it seems like in their case, he has just replaced that addiction with one that has less serious consequences for him - cigarettes. He and his AA friends smoke like chimneys (with one exception that I can think of). I doubt this is uncommon (substituting addictions) because taking away the alcohol/drugs doesn't get rid of the fact that the person has addictive tendencies.

My friend drinks substantially less/not at all because of her relationship with him. She doesn't ever drink around him. I'm not sure whether this is because of her fear of a relapse or because she just feels weird doing so around him, but I would guess it is the latter. He seems pretty stable in his decision not to drink anymore. But she does now have a smoking habit.

Of course, this is all anecdotal. But it is what I know... (not much, right?)

[sebastian_dangerfield]

Originally posted by ABBAKiss
I am dating a guy who just got out of rehab for drugs and alcohol. I like him. Here are my questions: Does anyone know anyone who went through rehab and actually cleaned up their life as opposed to relapsing again and again until they disappear? Is this an utter waste of my time since I still enjoy having a cocktail or 12 and now he cannot drink and hanging out with me may cause him to relapse? Has anyone ever dated or even have anecdotal information about dating a recovering fill-in-the-blank?

I usually date the raging addicts so this is totally new for me!

That dude'll have to be the greatest fuck on Earth.

The only answer is to try and see where it goes. What do you have to lose?

[notcasesensitive]

Originally posted by ABBAKiss
I am dating a guy who just got out of rehab for drugs and alcohol. I like him. Here are my questions: Does anyone know anyone who went through rehab and actually cleaned up their life as opposed to relapsing again and again until they disappear? Is this an utter waste of my time since I still enjoy having a cocktail or 12 and now he cannot drink and hanging out with me may cause him to relapse? Has anyone ever dated or even have anecdotal information about dating a recovering fill-in-the-blank?

I usually date the raging addicts so this is totally new for me!

Mario Lopez was in rehab?? He must have taken the Dancing With The Stars loss harder than he let on...

[ABBAKiss]

Originally posted by ironweed
Have you been out somewhere yet where you had a drink or 12 and he couldn't? I have known some people who are absolutely fine watching their friends and loved ones get smashed while they drink half a non-alcoholic beer, and others who have to walk around the block to avoid passing in front of the bar.

I have curbed my drinking in front of him (and I am not now nor have never been a druggie, so that is not an issue). I have had at most two drinks at a time in his presence in circumstances when I would have otherwise had 4-5 during the same time frame and certainly could have continued hanging out at a bar/restaurant but did not because he was not drinking. He has told me he is fine with this but I am leery of it and feel bad. This may be my warning signal?

[Replaced_Texan]

Originally posted by ABBAKiss
I am dating a guy who just got out of rehab for drugs and alcohol. I like him. Here are my questions: Does anyone know anyone who went through rehab and actually cleaned up their life as opposed to relapsing again and again until they disappear? Is this an utter waste of my time since I still enjoy having a cocktail or 12 and now he cannot drink and hanging out with me may cause him to relapse? Has anyone ever dated or even have anecdotal information about dating a recovering fill-in-the-blank?

I usually date the raging addicts so this is totally new for me!

Most of the people I know in recovery have been there for awhile, but they seem (from my fairly distant view, anyways) to be pretty ok in social situations where everyone else is having a good time with the aid of a variety of substances.

One I'm thinking of in particular had a I'm-going-to-rehab-tomorrow party that was pretty legendary. She came back a little more subdued, but she still hangs out with a similar crowd and got married to someone who hasn't really curtailed his social life (at least in my view) since they got married. I have no idea what she struggles with when she goes to a bar with the rest of us and sips O'Dooles or club soda or whatever, but she seems pretty well adjusted. IIRCC, she left for rehab about two years ago (I'm almost certain that I posted about it then), and they got married about a year ago. Kid was born in July.

[NotFromHere]

Originally posted by ABBAKiss
I am dating a guy who just got out of rehab for drugs and alcohol. I like him. Here are my questions: Does anyone know anyone who went through rehab and actually cleaned up their life as opposed to relapsing again and again until they disappear? Is this an utter waste of my time since I still enjoy having a cocktail or 12 and now he cannot drink and hanging out with me may cause him to relapse? Has anyone ever dated or even have anecdotal information about dating a recovering fill-in-the-blank?

I usually date the raging addicts so this is totally new for me!

I had a roommate in college whose sister met her first or second husband in rehab (aka spin dry). I think it worked for them because they were both fighting the same demons. I seem to recall that she fell off the wagon a couple of times (after the divorce) but she said she couldn't have been clean and sober so long without having his support. Our drinking in front of them seemed not to phase them as a couple, but individually it was tough for her to be around people indulging in whatever.

[ABBAKiss]

Originally posted by notcasesensitive
I doubt this is uncommon (substituting addictions) because taking away the alcohol/drugs doesn't get rid of the fact that the person has addictive tendencies.

I am hoping to substitute addiction to giving foot rubs and amazing sex for addiction to alcohol and drugs.

[ABBAKiss]

Originally posted by notcasesensitive
Mario Lopez was in rehab?? He must have taken the Dancing With The Stars loss harder than he let on...

He took a long hard look at his drinking and drug use after waking up and learning he was "canoodling" with Britney Spears.

Originally posted by ABBAKiss
I have curbed my drinking in front of him (and I am not now nor have never been a druggie, so that is not an issue). I have had at most two drinks at a time in his presence in circumstances when I would have otherwise had 4-5 during the same time frame and certainly could have continued hanging out at a bar/restaurant but did not because he was not drinking. He has told me he is fine with this but I am leery of it and feel bad. This may be my warning signal?

Leery and feeling bad are two of my most familiar warning signals. I ignore them all the time, but still.

If you're curtailing things you want to do because of him I'd guess that eventually you'll resent him, even if he says it's fine to stay at the bar/restaurant and you insist that you'd prefer to leave. If, however, you find yourself appreciating a sort of check on your drinking then this may be a match made in heaven. I have been in relationships with heavy drinkers and near teetotalers, and have come to appreciate the latter a bit more as I have gotten older.

[SlaveNoMore]

ABBAKiss
I am dating a guy who just got out of rehab for drugs and alcohol. I like him. Here are my questions: Does anyone know anyone who went through rehab and actually cleaned up their life as opposed to relapsing again and again until they disappear? Is this an utter waste of my time since I still enjoy having a cocktail or 12 and now he cannot drink and hanging out with me may cause him to relapse? Has anyone ever dated or even have anecdotal information about dating a recovering fill-in-the-blank?

I usually date the raging addicts so this is totally new for me!

Is he on any anti-alcohol medication?

[ABBAKiss]

Originally posted by ironweed
Leery and feeling bad are two of my most familiar warning signals. I ignore them all the time, but still.

If you're curtailing things you want to do because of him I'd guess that eventually you'll resent him, even if he says it's fine to stay at the bar/restaurant and you insist that you'd prefer to leave. If, however, you find yourself appreciating a sort of check on your drinking then this may be a match made in heaven. I have been in relationships with heavy drinkers and near teetotalers, and have come to appreciate the latter a bit more as I have gotten older.

Exactly. I question whether I am using him as a rehab substitute for myself? Hmmmmmmmmm. Well, for now I'll just see how things go. I just cannot stomach having another person in my life relapse or die due to drug or alcohol addiction and am leery of hurting him or getting hurt by him.