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Old 11-27-2006, 06:21 PM   #1426
SlaveNoMore
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ABBAKiss
I have curbed my drinking in front of him (and I am not now nor have never been a druggie, so that is not an issue). I have had at most two drinks at a time in his presence in circumstances when I would have otherwise had 4-5 during the same time frame and certainly could have continued hanging out at a bar/restaurant but did not because he was not drinking. He has told me he is fine with this but I am leery of it and feel bad. This may be my warning signal?
If you have to change your own habits - it probably isnt going to work
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Old 11-27-2006, 06:22 PM   #1427
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Originally posted by ABBAKiss
Exactly. I question whether I am using him as a rehab substitute for myself? Hmmmmmmmmm. Well, for now I'll just see how things go. I just cannot stomach having another person in my life relapse or die due to drug or alcohol addiction and am leery of hurting him or getting hurt by him.
Dude. why don't you set him free while you aren't too heavily invested and find someone without substance abuse issues?
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Old 11-27-2006, 06:22 PM   #1428
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Originally posted by ABBAKiss
I am hoping to substitute addiction to giving foot rubs and amazing sex for addiction to alcohol and drugs.
Recovery is long and hard, and you need something or someone to keep you going and going. It's easy to slip back in, and find yourself wallowing in a gaping abyss, if you don't have enough support.

Do you know what step he is on? As you have seen, ppnyc couldn't get past the third step, and that's where most fail. If you get to the ninth or tenth step, you have more invested in succeeding.
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Old 11-27-2006, 06:24 PM   #1429
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Originally posted by SlaveNoMore
Is he on any anti-alcohol medication?
Does such a thing exist?!!!???? He is on some smoking cessation medication -- he started Saturday and claims it is MANDATORY that he smoke for the first seven days.

I smoke occasionally - it is not an issue for me really - take it or leave it. Alcohol is another story. I drink every day, and often drink a LOT at a time and dating him is really curbing my lifestyle, perhaps not in a bad way, but still. Ironweed's resentment theory is prominent in my fears with this guy.
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Old 11-27-2006, 06:25 PM   #1430
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Originally posted by SlaveNoMore
If you have to change your own habits - it probably isnt going to work
Yeah, probably not.

If anyone knows any raging alcoholics in the Metro area, PM me!!!!!
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Old 11-27-2006, 06:25 PM   #1431
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Quote:
Originally posted by ABBAKiss
Exactly. I question whether I am using him as a rehab substitute for myself? Hmmmmmmmmm. Well, for now I'll just see how things go. I just cannot stomach having another person in my life relapse or die due to drug or alcohol addiction and am leery of hurting him or getting hurt by him.
You know that those in rehab aren't also supposed to start new relationships.

You also know all the reasons this isn't good for you.

If he's that into you, he'll still be that into you when he's clean. If you're that into him, you'll still be into him when he's clean.

You deserve better.

Wow. That may actually be really good advice.
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Old 11-27-2006, 06:26 PM   #1432
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Originally posted by patentparanyc
Dude. why don't you set him free while you aren't too heavily invested and find someone without substance abuse issues?
I honestly cannot think of anyone I have ever dated that has NOT had a substance abuse issue.
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Old 11-27-2006, 06:26 PM   #1433
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ABBAKiss
Does such a thing exist?!!!???? He is on some smoking cessation medication -- he started Saturday and claims it is MANDATORY that he smoke for the first seven days.

I smoke occasionally - it is not an issue for me really - take it or leave it. Alcohol is another story. I drink every day, and often drink a LOT at a time and dating him is really curbing my lifestyle, perhaps not in a bad way, but still. Ironweed's resentment theory is prominent in my fears with this guy.
There is medication that makes you violently ill if you ingest alcohol. It is often prescribed for people who actually went to rehab. I know people that are on it.
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Old 11-27-2006, 06:27 PM   #1434
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Originally posted by Spanky
If you had any reading comprehension at all you would have realized that I explained in my post where racial prejudice came from. That was a major point of my post. You kept talking about four hundred years of prejudice towards the African Americans in this country implying that this is a uniquely American problem. You state that fact like it is the key to understanding the roots and causes of racial prejudice in this country. But like I said, racial prejudice is a natural inclination in all people and until you understand that, you won't know how to address it. When you keep focusing on 400 years of racial prejudice in this country you are showing that you don’t understand that it is a universal problem among humans, and therefore you don't understand the problem at all.
I read and understood your pathetic little point about prejudice and how it is a natural inclination. I understand that many cultures are prejudiced against others. What you don't understand because you think that your silly little experiences in Japan are dispositive on every single issue that has or can arise in life is that you are wrong.

As I said before, racial prejudice may be common among people in general, but the application of racial prejudice in the way it has been applied in this country is (i) different than it has been applied in any other (see my note on the peculiar institution) and (ii) it is absolutely vital to understand the actual application of racial prejudice in this country in order to understand where it is now and how and why people are affected by it.

Even you can understand that, even if one accepted your argument that racial prejudice is the natural state of all people, that different cultures treat it differently and apply it differently. And in order to understand these differences and how they affect people, you need to study how each culture deals with it. Hell, I wonder how you did in your history classes generally. "Professor, war is the natural state of all people. Every country has fought with another at some point. So, what do we have to learn about the Civil War or World Wars I and II? This is pointless."

Pull your head out of your ass, spankyboy.

Quote:
Originally posted by Spanky
Are you saying that this sort of racial prejudice is not a problem for the people that experience it? Like so many really, really, stupid people you think that if we "solve" the problem of Caucasian prejudice towards African Americans in this country that that we will solve everything. Pure stupidity.
No, you colossal moron. That is not what I'm saying. I'm saying that the people who have all the power in this country use racial prejudice among other things to keep that power. When light-skinned African Americans start running shit, I'll worry about it then. Until that point, I would rather focus on what actually has an oppressive effect.

You, on the other hand would rather say, "Everyone is prejudiced so and you can't do anything about it and the only reason why people are prejudiced today is because everyone is always prejudiced, no matter where they are." You've removed thought from this discussion because you want to take it to Spankyland where nothing makes sense to anyone but you.

Quote:
Originally posted by Spanky
There are all sorts of prejudice everywhere, from anti-Semitism to black Muslim hatred of Caucasians. Overlooking one type of racial prejudice to focus on the "bigger problem" is beyond stupid.
You are jumping way beyond our argument here. We went from you getting all pissy about black people being able to make fun of white people because they are not in a position of power in relation to them to some shit about anti-semitism and black muslims. I'm pretty sure I'm not going to continue this argument with you after this post because you don't have the capacity to have it.

Quote:
Originally posted by Spanky
You either show intolerance towards all forms of racial prejudice or you accept it all. In other words, if you pick and choose which racial prejudices and stereotyping that is OK and what types of racial stereotyping are not OK, you are really saying that it is all OK. Is that such a difficult concept for your tiny brain to wrap itself around?
I am not advocating for racial prejudice of any kind you knucklehead. I'm explaining why when someone without power makes fun of someone with all the power, it is not as harmful as the other way around. I have no doubt you will fail to understand this concept.

Quote:
Originally posted by Spanky
You stated "Does it amount to institutional racism?” Yes it does. For a while, many all black colleges were intentionally choosing lighter skinned blacks in their admissions. In the south certain all black debutante organizations etc. where only choosing light skinned blacks. If you live in an already segregated society, and your only hope of opportunity is in the black community, and that community denies you opportunities, it is a big problem.
Okay, you are officially an asshole. I would like to see some evidence of these all black colleges' light-skinned admissions procedures. As for these debutante organizations, I don't know what the fuck you're talking about, but I don't think you understand what "institutional" means. But please don't let that stop you from lecturing me on the problems in the black community.

Quote:
Originally posted by Spanky
"Has it been sanctioned by every single institution in this country?" Are you really arguing that prejudice towards African Americans is accepted by every institution in this country? Give me a break.
You are beyond stupid. And this is why you need to go back to school and pay attention in history this time.

Quote:
Originally posted by Spanky
"Did we need to institute remedial measures to try and fix the harm that that's caused?" Remedial measure to fix the harm that was caused? What remedial measures where instituted to address the prejudice the Irish faced in the nineteenth century? Did they work? Were they necessary? If you think remedial measures can be instituted by the government to address past wrongs, you are dumber than I thought.
Actually, remedial measures have been implemented again and again by this country. I will not act as your personal tutor for this, though. I only take on students who I feel can make some progress.

Quote:
Originally posted by Spanky
When you are not very bright sophisticated concepts seem stupid to you because you don't understand them. Blacks threats to Whites? Whites Threats to blacks? Are you hearing yourself?
I don't think you've ever said something sophisticated in your life.

Quote:
Originally posted by Spanky
If African Americans are given a pass to be racially prejudice to not only Caucasians, but Jews, Asians etc, then you are telling the country that racial prejudice is OK. How can you possibly argue that it is OK for African Americans to exhibit and act on racial prejudices but not everyone else? If it is wrong, then it wrong for everyone. If you say it is OK for some races, then you are really saying there is nothing wrong with racial prejudice. It is just wrong if it is directed towards certain "victimized classes". So you really support racial prejudice. You think racial prejudice is fine, unless it is directed towards a victimized class. And you call me stupid. At least I don't defend racial prejudice and intolerance.
You're repeating yourself and you haven't heard much of anything I've said. Does everyone in Spankyland walk around with their fingers in their ears saying, "Lalalalalalalalalalalalalala?"

Quote:
Originally posted by Spanky
You can be as tribal as you like? Now there is a smart and sophisticated statement. Can't you see that that is root of the problem? So four hundred years of racial prejudice is the only problem (the exact problem as you put it). So the Chinese sex slaves, the barring the Irish from working, the black Muslims constantly preaching hate against the Jews - those are not problems?
I don't think you understand what I'm saying, but don't worry. It's only because you're stupid.

The point was, if only the United States had been tribal. That would have been not so bad. Instead, they enslaved a race of people and then they relegated that same class of people to second class citizens who don't have the same rights as the first class. The impact is still felt today.

Quote:
Originally posted by Spanky
I never said that wasn't right. That was a terrible crime. You are the one saying that this is the only crime. Because this big crime happened the other ones don't matter? You are also saying that their status as victims gives them a pass to victimize other people?
You can't pull one part of the argument from the other and act like the second piece doesn't flow from the first. If you don't understand what I'm saying, just say so.

Quote:
Originally posted by Spanky
This sounds really familiar. I am part of a racially determined exploitive class and therefore I am just arguing for a system that perpetuates my own privileged position. Therefore my opinion should be discarded. The best way to deal with this problem is to put the economic power in the hands of the government, and they can distribute the economic benefits of society instead of the current racist exploitive system and then everything will be peaches and creams. Congratulations you just took Karl Marx's theories and substituted the concept of capitalist for racist.
I don't think you're even posting English anymore. None of that shit follows from anything I've said -- unless we're in Spankyland. Are we in Spankyland?

Quote:
Originally posted by Spanky
Did I ever say there were not? The only difference between you and mean is you think only one derivation matters, and all the rest don’t. I believe that all the deviations matter. And if you justify one, you really justify them all.
No. It's true. You didn't say that. You overlooked them all, though. And you're only focused on the one that you think is unfair to you. And you're making it seem like because people who have been shit on for centuries turn it around and poke fun at those people doing the shitting, that that is somehow a justification for all prejudice.

Quote:
Originally posted by Spanky
Define "people like me"
I'll take "People that are stupid" for $100, Alex.

Quote:
Originally posted by Spanky
You don't know anything about me. You don't know what I have done or what I post about. You are just prejudging me and stereotyping me. When you state things like "people like me" you show that you have no idea what the whole problem is about. If you want to see where the problem of prejudice and stereotyping comes from in this country just look in a mirror.
Actually, no. I am not prejudging or stereotyping you. I am drawing my conclusions from your moronic posts. And I fully understand my prejudices. They lie with the stupid -- like you.

Quote:
Originally posted by Spanky
I never said that. You are the joke. You think it would be OK for someone of Color to go through the same tirade Michael Richards went through? What if it was a Black person talking about Asians in the same way? Is that OK because Asians in this country haven't gone through four hundred years of "institutional racism"? You are a defender of racial prejudice, and it is pathetic.
It's like you don't really know how to read. Go back and start over on your reading assignment. But don't put too much effort into it, because when you come back, I really won't feel like explaining things to you in a way that a 3rd grader can understand.

TM
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Old 11-27-2006, 06:29 PM   #1435
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Originally posted by ABBAKiss
I am dating a guy who just got out of rehab for drugs and alcohol. I like him. Here are my questions: Does anyone know anyone who went through rehab and actually cleaned up their life as opposed to relapsing again and again until they disappear? Is this an utter waste of my time since I still enjoy having a cocktail or 12 and now he cannot drink and hanging out with me may cause him to relapse? Has anyone ever dated or even have anecdotal information about dating a recovering fill-in-the-blank?

I usually date the raging addicts so this is totally new for me!
I have experience with this. PM me if you want some kind of perspective, as much as I can give at this point, anyway. Is he in AA? Does he go? Does he have a sponsor he is in touch with everyday? Has he quit before? Lots to consider here. And as for you, how close are you? As far as his comfort with your drinking, you have to talk about it. It will totally vary. Again, I have fresh experience, so I'm happy to talk.

Oh, and PS, best.sex.ever.
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Old 11-27-2006, 06:29 PM   #1436
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Originally posted by bold_n_brazen
You know that those in rehab aren't also supposed to start new relationships.

You also know all the reasons this isn't good for you.

If he's that into you, he'll still be that into you when he's clean. If you're that into him, you'll still be into him when he's clean.

You deserve better.

Wow. That may actually be really good advice.
I think this depends on how far along they are -- rehab is a life-long process, and you can't suspend relationships forever. But if he has only just begun, this is excellent advice.
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Old 11-27-2006, 06:31 PM   #1437
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Quote:
Originally posted by ABBAKiss
I drink every day, and often drink a LOT at a time and dating him is really curbing my lifestyle, perhaps not in a bad way, but still. Ironweed's resentment theory is prominent in my fears with this guy.
Yeah, it won't work. I suspect even without wanting to drink a lot, it will be a problem. Say all you wanted was a couple glasses of nice wine with dinner. He'll be giving you that look for the rest of your life--the "I can't have that" look, combined with the "and stop rubbing it in my face" look.

I like to cook, and I like to eat meat. I dated a vegetarian once. Literally--I realized there was no way I could live a life with a person who was making moral judgments about my food preferences every time I grilled a steak.
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Old 11-27-2006, 06:31 PM   #1438
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Originally posted by Secret_Agent_Man
See? He explained it all.

You will find that, if you just read Spanky carefully and _understand_ his posts, you will: (a) always agree with him, and (b) know the solutions to all of the world's problems.

S_A_M :butt:
Is he really this ridiculous on all topics?

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Old 11-27-2006, 06:32 PM   #1439
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Quote:
Originally posted by ABBAKiss
Does such a thing exist?!!!???? He is on some smoking cessation medication -- he started Saturday and claims it is MANDATORY that he smoke for the first seven days.

I smoke occasionally - it is not an issue for me really - take it or leave it. Alcohol is another story. I drink every day, and often drink a LOT at a time and dating him is really curbing my lifestyle, perhaps not in a bad way, but still. Ironweed's resentment theory is prominent in my fears with this guy.
Are you resenting it/him now or do you worry that you're going to end up resenting him later?

I find that most of my habits are reflective of the environment I'm in. If I'm around a lot of people who drink, I drink a lot more. If I'm not around that many partiers, I don't tend to drink that much. I don't really mind one way or another. I could probably easily meld into a fairly temperate lifestyle just as easily as I could a hard partying one so long as the people I'm around are people I want to be with. Bad drunks are as intolerable as self-righteous teetotalers, for me. But that's me.
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Old 11-27-2006, 06:32 PM   #1440
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Quote:
Originally posted by ABBAKiss
I honestly cannot think of anyone I have ever dated that has NOT had a substance abuse issue.
You should try it. It is a lot more stable.
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