Fashion Board 5-7-04 to 6-9-04

[Not Me]

Originally posted by Atticus Grinch
one of history's greatest villains . . . "What the Christ is the matter with the Jews, Bob?

In a world that has spawned the likes Hitler, Pol Pot, Saddam Hussein, and those who flew airplanes into the WTC, you call Nixon "one of history's greatest villains?"

How fitting that the majority of your song goes like this:

Originally posted by Atticus Grinch
Dum. Dum. Dum. Dum. Dum. Dum. Dum. Dum. Dum. . . . Dum. Dum. Dum. Dum. Dum. Dum. . . . Dum. Dum. Dum. Dum. Dum. Dum.

It is a tribute to you!

[Atticus Grinch]

Today's episode of Atticus Goes Postal Over Something School-Related brought to you by: New Jersey. {News article re: parents outraged that six teachers chaperoning an overnight trip to D.C. and Gettysburg had one drink each after dinner.}

• "I have the utmost respect for some of those teachers that {sic} went on the trip because I've known them for years. But it's a no-no," Quick said. "I'm sorry, these teachers are wrong. I hope every one of them gets fired. I am going to push until something is done and not just a slap on the wrist."

This is my advice: Tell all the doe-eyed younger siblings of your friends not even to think about teaching as a career. Tell them to go to law school or investment banking; tell them to work at a drive-thru; tell them to whore themselves on the streets. Don't bother trying to teach. It's not fucking worth it. The parents don't deserve you. The kids will just try to stab you in the neck during the day; the parents will try to stab you in the back at night. You will be poor at 22; you will be poor at 65. Whatever you make, some people will say it is "too much" because you sit back and eat fucking bon-bons all summer, whether or not you have to get a second fucking job to make ends meet.

You will spend your day with children, and people will assume you are incapable of being more than a child yourself. They will assume you are only two pages ahead of your students in the textbook. If you work in a poor school, you will spend your year looking forward to the one student who didn't try to fuck you up actually saying "thanks, I graduated." Cherish it. You'll have to live on that satisfaction for another year. If you work in a rich school, you will spend your year parking next to asshole students driving nicer cars than you will ever afford and going to colleges your parents wouldn't even let you apply to, all the while knowing that if you ever tried to stand up for yourself against one of these golden children, the parents would take you down in a heartbeat, because the school board doesn't give a shit about you; you're expendable.

And the capper is, anonymous punk-ass sluts for cash will trash you on Internet message boards with impeccable prose they must have learned from God himself because they're still pissed about two or three bad teachers at a high school they were too good for, even though they used those magical 99th percentile aptitude scores to get into a good college and a better law school. Now they're making $180K a year --- no thanks to you --- and make no sacrifice for any kid other than their own. They snicker that you have the temerity to call yourself a "professional" even though, like them, what you do, you are, and what you are, you are 24/7.

Don't do it. Run away. Marry well, and hope you can move to Europe or Japan or some place where there is no threat that educational decisions will get made by the DUMBEST FUCKING DENOMINATOR like Ms. Quick. Some place where your name won't get dragged through the mud in the papers because you acted like a fucking adult at dinner, and set a fucking example that people can drink alcohol responsibly, in moderation. Jesusmotherfuckingchrist. What a world we live in.

[NotFromHere]

Originally posted by Atticus Grinch
Rant of the week

Whoa. Dude. Someone put sand in your Astroglide?

Originally posted by Atticus Grinch
And yet, if one of history's greatest villains had listened to this advice, the general public would never have gotten to experience the multilayered brilliance of "What the Christ is the matter with the Jews, Bob?" and other breakout hits firsthand. {Spree: no sound.}

I have discovered that a large part of the job is preventing the general public from learning how brilliant clients can be in private.

[Dave]

Originally posted by str8outavannuys
I'm thinking that the casting of Mackenzie Crook as Gareth is the best casting job of all time. Who else could play the "weasel-faced arse" but this guy?

The choice to play that role in the inevitably crappy American version has to be Andy Dick.

[Tyrone Slothrop]

Originally posted by Atticus Grinch
The kids will just try to stab you in the neck during the day;

With a pen, right? Or am I getting your posts confused again?

[Atticus Grinch]

Originally posted by Dave
The choice to play that role in the inevitably crappy American version has to be Andy Dick.

In a perfect world, yes; in this world, nope, though it's tough to say for sure who's who (other than the Brent character) because they gave everybody new names. My prediction, based on the Universal Sitcom Naming Convention, is that Gareth -> Dwight.

BTW, I invented predicting The Office U.S. would suck like a trailer park ho.*

*Actually, not to brag, but I also invented fawning over The Office in the same post in which I first predicted a sucky American theiving of it in January 2003. {Warning: ancient Stalin Board link.}

[Shape Shifter]

Originally posted by Tyrone Slothrop
With a pen, right? Or am I getting your posts confused again?

Shhh. Educators are having enough trouble getting school supplies as it is. Take it over to politics and present it as a 2d Am issue.

[Jack Manfred]

Originally posted by Replaced_Texan
Bill Murray, Lost in Translation

Concur.

So, how about Marilyn Chambers, Behind the Green Door?

[Jack Manfred]

Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
But these docs with their drinking and smoking and drugging warnings can go to hell... Same goes with moderate smoking. My doc friends readily admit "Yeh, a few a day probably won't do much and binging on a weekend isn't likely to kill you." But the goddamn AMA says any cigarette is too much, because they think we're all too stupid to moderate our consumption...

Not to start a rant against the fats, but hasn't America proved that it can't moderate its consumption more effectively than the AMA ever could?

As to coke, "Well, you shouldn't 'Lowell George' piles of the stuff, but chances are, if you're young and careful and healthy, a few rails at a party now and again aren't likey to do anything more than keep you up way longer than you'd like or cause you to say some really stupid shit."

Contra Len Bias.

[Jack Manfred]

Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
I want to hear from a cat who got shot in the head.

Not a cat, but a lovely, lovely kitten:

What It Feels Like to Get Shot in the Head

[By Laura Elena Harring, 37, actress, star of Mulholland Drive]

I'M TWELVE YEARS OLD at the time, and my mom and stepfather take me and my sisters to the movies in San Antonio. We're driving through the parking lot, and I'm craning my head out the window looking for the cinema. There are two cars behind us. Suddenly, one of them screeches off and someone in the other car starts shooting. We hear three loud bangs, but I only hear two because the second one hits me in the head. It feels like my head was hit with a rock from a slingshot. My stepfather yells, "They're gunshots! Get down!" and I say, "I think they hit me."

I immediately put my head down into my mother's lap. She grabs my white sweater and starts pressing down. And all I can hear is blub blub, blub blub from the blood running down my face. It's very warm. Everything is going part in slow motion, part in fast motion. There's this low-pitched ringing in my head-naaaaaaaa--and my mother is saying Hail Marys in Spanish.

My sister peeks over the seat and sees all the blood. She crinkles her face and opens her mouth like that painting The Scream. It's the scariest face I've ever seen. She lets out a shriek that gets my other sisters crying. That's when I think, I'm going to die.

At the hospital, I'm on a cart and my parents are above me running with the doctors. The coating of blood is so heavy and thick on my face that I can't open one eye or my mouth. I have long, dark hair, and they shave off half of it. They take X rays but can't find the bullet. Turns out the bullet hit the side of my head, then continued on to the rearview mirror. Later my stepfather found it crushed on the floorboard. The doctor said it missed my brain by a millimeter.
--AS TOLD TO BRYAN MEALE

She's healed nicely...


Even if Naomi Watts (who was the only one who could have played Betty/Diane in Mulholland Drive) is bitter about it.

[sunnybunny]

Originally posted by Shape Shifter
Shhh. Educators are having enough trouble getting school supplies as it is. Take it over to politics and present it as a 2d Am issue.

Speaking of school supplies, I spoke with one of my old boyfriends yesterday. He recently started a tech company, which is doing so, so. To make extra money he is working with his friend's company that buys up textbooks from school districts and then sells them to other schools. I didn't know there was a market for this. He said that hands down, Beverly Hills has the textbooks in the worst condition. i don't plan on having children, but if I ever do, I hope they get to go to a school that doesn't use discarded text books from other school districts.

[sunnybunny]

When I left my boyfriend's this morning, I was parked behind a car (a white Dodge SHadow with California tags) with a vanity plate that read Nevr2Tan--or something like that. THe license plate frame said on the top "Indoor or Outdoor" and the bottom said "Never too Tan" This person should be shot as a loser not worth living.


Sunny(the kinder, gentler bunny)Bunny

[sebastian_dangerfield]

Originally posted by Atticus Grinch
Today's episode of Atticus Goes Postal Over Something School-Related brought to you by: New Jersey. {News article re: parents outraged that six teachers chaperoning an overnight trip to D.C. and Gettysburg had one drink each after dinner.}

• "I have the utmost respect for some of those teachers that {sic} went on the trip because I've known them for years. But it's a no-no," Quick said. "I'm sorry, these teachers are wrong. I hope every one of them gets fired. I am going to push until something is done and not just a slap on the wrist."

This is my advice: Tell all the doe-eyed younger siblings of your friends not even to think about teaching as a career. Tell them to go to law school or investment banking; tell them to work at a drive-thru; tell them to whore themselves on the streets. Don't bother trying to teach. It's not fucking worth it. The parents don't deserve you. The kids will just try to stab you in the neck during the day; the parents will try to stab you in the back at night. You will be poor at 22; you will be poor at 65. Whatever you make, some people will say it is "too much" because you sit back and eat fucking bon-bons all summer, whether or not you have to get a second fucking job to make ends meet.

You will spend your day with children, and people will assume you are incapable of being more than a child yourself. They will assume you are only two pages ahead of your students in the textbook. If you work in a poor school, you will spend your year looking forward to the one student who didn't try to fuck you up actually saying "thanks, I graduated." Cherish it. You'll have to live on that satisfaction for another year. If you work in a rich school, you will spend your year parking next to asshole students driving nicer cars than you will ever afford and going to colleges your parents wouldn't even let you apply to, all the while knowing that if you ever tried to stand up for yourself against one of these golden children, the parents would take you down in a heartbeat, because the school board doesn't give a shit about you; you're expendable.

And the capper is, anonymous punk-ass sluts for cash will trash you on Internet message boards with impeccable prose they must have learned from God himself because they're still pissed about two or three bad teachers at a high school they were too good for, even though they used those magical 99th percentile aptitude scores to get into a good college and a better law school. Now they're making $180K a year --- no thanks to you --- and make no sacrifice for any kid other than their own. They snicker that you have the temerity to call yourself a "professional" even though, like them, what you do, you are, and what you are, you are 24/7.

Don't do it. Run away. Marry well, and hope you can move to Europe or Japan or some place where there is no threat that educational decisions will get made by the DUMBEST FUCKING DENOMINATOR like Ms. Quick. Some place where your name won't get dragged through the mud in the papers because you acted like a fucking adult at dinner, and set a fucking example that people can drink alcohol responsibly, in moderation. Jesusmotherfuckingchrist. What a world we live in.

"Who will think of the children???? Please... think of the children???"

Just once, I'd like to see a calm parent walk up to one of these cranially vacant twists, slap her across the face with an open hand and say, calmly, "That's from the silent majority. Now shut the fuck up."

I may be on to a screenplay here... We're way overdue for another "American Beauty".

[sebastian_dangerfield]

Originally posted by Jack Manfred
Not to start a rant against the fats, but hasn't America proved that it can't moderate its consumption more effectively than the AMA ever could?

Contra Len Bias.

Jack, get back, check your facts.

Len Bias injested an enormous amount of blow and is also thought to have had an unknown heart condition similar to Dereck Coleman and Olojuwan, wherein the heart occasionally erupts into arrythmia during exercise.

PS: To the ass who stole the 7 foot poster of Bias palming a balll in fron of a scoreboard which read "I'm Bias" from my door in my senior year apartment, I'll see you in hell.