Fashion Board 6-9-04 to 7-13-04

[the Spartan]

Originally posted by Hank Chinaski
true story:

Senior year, for prom night...

So anyway, I know girls can be cruel. Sticks and stones I say.

Hank baby, I feel up your pain. THE PROM. Oh shit! FWIW, fyi, I have a confession that I’m sure most of the hot babes who PM me all day ain’t gonna believe, but as they say in the funnies, sad but true, or believe it or not, or something…..

Anyhoo, true story: I was a looser in high school.

Well, not like totally, but I did manage to make it to Senior Prom without dipping my tallywacker, iykwim. Sometimes in the dead of night, alone in my office, surfing porn on the net, the sound of Mario in his cubicle grindin’ away, I think perhaps, that my lack of sophistication as a sexual Don Juan in my highschool days was not such a bad thing, as (1) it prepared me for a life of sporadic yet infrequent sexual encounters with others who are not on my payroll; and (2) it gave me the irrevocable opportunity to develop lots of great platonic friendships, all of which had fully lapsed by the time I was 27.

Yeah, HS, good times.

Now, for all the non-believers, who previously just assumed I was boyishly good looking and that such good fate was the premise for my egomania, laugh long and hard now. At me. Like the rest of them, because I am telling y’all this so you understand my rejection issue and why I am so sensitive to being placed on y’alls ignore lists.

Anyhoo, back to the prom story. Mine was like an excruciatingly stale shit sandwich. Without condiments. Basic plot:

*I didn't have anyone to go with whom I had a chance of scoring with

*I got a mercy set-up blind date with my second-cousin’s stepsister by marriage, who turned out to be HOT!

*I didn’t get laid but came close, no pun intended.

On that last note, actually the night went pretty well. HOT date on my arm and all. We ended up that THE after-party and after the party it was supposed to be a Motel 6 lobby . Anyhoo, I wanted to be straight up, so at about 3 AM, I told her a bunch of us had reserved a block of rooms at the Motel 6 and since things were going so well, well, would she like to go to the after-after party. My tummy was doing somersaults and the booze had me on the verge of a pass out. This was my first time, other than 1-900 phone sex, that I had full out asked a girl for her the keys to her punani. She paused, looked me dead in the eye and said “sure”. I am sure that I have never felt such an extreme rush of adreline before or since in my life.

Anyway, long story short, we got to the room and I had a panic attack that resulted in 3 hours of sobbing and a two day hospitalization, i.e. no sex.

Of course, all of this is fresh in mind because last week I happened to be visiting my homeland and went out for dinner, solo, at the local greek diner, the Blue Colony or the Red Colony or something, and I heard my name and there standing next to my table was my Prom Date. I didn’t recognize her, but she jogged my memory, “We went to the Prom together”…. Er…uh…oh...yes, the Prom. The sixth worst day of my life. Yes, fantastic. Great to see you. Of course she has only gotten better looking. And bustier.

We chatted for a few minutes before the convo ran out of steam. On the plus side no panic attack.

The Prom. Yes. Why does society cram these prepackaged faux ritualizations down our psychological throat? Why bilmore, why?

[the Spartan]

Originally posted by Atticus Grinch
Urban legend comes to life. {Denver Post.}

Who hasn't done this at one of those weddings where they put the disposable cameras on the table?

[Alex_de_Large]

The Denver Nuggets. Jameer and Melo? Damn, I can't wait to watch that fast break.

[Atticus Grinch]

Originally posted by SlaveNoMore
Similarly, I watched "the Triplets of Belleville" last night, and I'm left wondering Comment est-ce que je récupère ces quatre-vingts minutes de ma vie ?

Speaking of which, this would have made Les Miz about two hours shorter. {Chicago CBS affiliate.} On a personal level, I'm glad to see that Matt Foley is no longer LIVING IN A VAN DOWN BY THE RIVER.

[Alex_de_Large]

Originally posted by Alex_de_Large
The Denver Nuggets. Jameer and Melo? Damn, I can't wait to watch that fast break.

Fuck, he's already being traded...

[Dave]

Originally posted by Alex_de_Large
The Denver Nuggets. Jameer and Melo? Damn, I can't wait to watch that fast break.

With the sixth pick in the 2004 NBA draft, the Atlanta Hawks select Thirst, the claymation mascot for Sprite (tm).

Add that to two HS kids and it still must suck to be an Atlanta sports fan.

[Mmmm, Burger (C.J.)]

Originally posted by Hank Chinaski
Was the Harvard thing one of those "funny once then not" or a "never funny;" it's important to me to know.

It would be funny if you didn't have the boorish manners of a Yalie.

[Shape Shifter]

Originally posted by Atticus Grinch
Lest it be thought that Wodehouse was a Nazi sympathizer, this is far from the case --- it's more a sign of the Germans and Americans being unable to "get" British humor. The apparent flippancy with which he took his internment (first in an honest-to-goodness detention camp, and then more famously in the Berlin hotel) was interpreted by some (including the Germans) as a sign of sympathy for the German "cause," but it seems more likely he was trying to be very "British" about his capture and detention.

In fact, the five broadcasts were rehashed from a long morale speech he gave to fellow British internees at the camp in Tost in Upper Silesia --- stiff upper lip; it's not too bad, chaps; show the blighters, etc. Goebbels's Propaganda Ministry then projected the recordings into Great Britain in an effort to convince the British public that Wodehouse was on their side. This is probably not so, as Wodehouse was largely apolitical but repeatedly cariacatured the British fascist movement in his fiction as being a bunch of idiots and Nazi dupes, most notably with his Spode character, a mockery of Sir Oswald Mosley.

Shortly after the war, the Foreign Office and Ministry of Defence cleared him of any wrongdoing --- probably because, after the war was over, they "got" what Wodehouse was doing by proclaiming that detention had no effect on the spirits of British detainees. Of course, one wonders what he would have written if the magnitude of the Nazis' other little project had been more widely known, or known to him.

I'm a fan, but admit I've seen more of the Fry & Laurie adaptations than I've read.

Anyone who's ever had a heart
Wouldn't turn around and break it
and anyone who's ever played a part
Wouldn't turn around and hate it

[Shape Shifter]

Originally posted by the Spartan
I took the quiz for Slave. He's certainly the source of a toaster in some enterprising young boy's future.

Your score is 141

LEVEL 8 -- EXTREMELY FEMININE

Thus the interminable posts reminding everyone about his paigow-fucking. "I'm hetero - I fucked paigow (hoowee, what a psycho)! I'm really, really, really hetero."

[Shape Shifter]

Originally posted by Did you just call me Coltrane?
I feel so loved and respected here! That's why I keep coming back.

Well, that and all of the tail.

Flinty's your unseen boardfuck?


Hat. Rick.

[robustpuppy]

Originally posted by Flinty_McFlint
I'm sure you've read the reports of the kid that has tons of muscles, but the picture is great. Cute kid too.

This is a doctored photo, right? His hands and feet just don't seem to be positioned to provide enough support. Now, I did just recreate this pose in my living room, right down to the hair style and the outfit, and it seems possible, but I'm skeptical.

[the Spartan]

Originally posted by Shape Shifter
Thus the interminable posts reminding everyone about his paigow-fucking. "I'm hetero - I fucked paigow (hoowee, what a psycho)! I'm really, really, really hetero."

I always just assumed she was too drunk to remember and he took the opportunity to co-opt her as a beard. But what do I know, I'm not a playa.

[the Spartan]

Originally posted by robustpuppy
Now, I did just recreate this photo in my living room, including the hair style and the outfit, and it seems possible, but I'm not sure.

that is SO hot!

[SlaveNoMore]

the Spartan
But what do I know, I'm not a playa.

No. Apparently all your glory hole action is on the DL.

[the Spartan]

Originally posted by SlaveNoMore
No. Apparently all your glory hole action is on the DL.

I wish I was getting so much action.

Anyhoo, speaking of action I ain't getting in light of my recollection of my Prom story got me to thinking, have we ever done a poll on losing one’s virginity?

Apropos of that, I remember several years back during my ex-pat in Paris days in protest of the Clinton administration, I read in the Le Monde about some study that had been done at the Université d'Avignon where they found that the average length of time between someone’s first smooch and the loss of their virginity is 3.1 years (although this being France that may have been metric years) and the average length of time between a young man’s copping of a feel of his first titty, of the opposite sex, nttawwt, and the loss of his virginity is 1.3 years.

Anyhoo, it’s guys like me who weight those averages upward in comparison with the 12 year olds who go from first to home plate in the same night at the 8th Grade Snowbird Dance.

Anyway back to the poll, so randy FBers when did you lose your virginity????

I’ll go first, keeping the beat to the above, it was post-college, ‘89…..’90 I was working as an S.A. on the Hill for Senator Bob Packwood, no pun intended, and I was at some bipartisan function or other and my flat mate and I were chatting up a couple of birds from the opposite side of the aisle, so to speak, i.e. democrats. So for whatever reason I had a sparkling convo going with a senior L.A. from Barney Frank’s office regarding the possible resuscitation of Keynesian economic applications in a post-Reaganomics world when the next I knew, she asked me for a ride back to her townhouse in Arlington.

I wasn’t thinking much of it, because, and I am embarrassed to admit my shallowness, I just assumed she was a devout lesbian, nttawwt, what with the Frank thing and also that in the convo she had frequently referenced her “partner Kate”.

So, we were driving to VA in my Honda Civic when she started crying and told me she didn't want to go back to her house since she had had a major brouhaha with Kate earlier that night. Being a nice guy, I said she could crash on my couch (even though my flatmate’s parents were staying with us that week-visiting from Nebraska-and he was supposed have the couch as they had his bedroom). Turns out it didn’t matter, as we talked about her relationship problems and before we even got out of the car, she essentially was all over me like a rabid fly on shite.

In 6 seconds flat I went from never having touched (or been touched by) a girl below the waist to getting some major head.

We got back to my place and the whole way up to my bedroom I’m perseverating over whether to tell her I am a virgin or not and how this was not the way I envisioned it and all and what about protection-I didn’t even have condoms!!

From a technical standpoint it wasn’t pretty, we were drunk, she was a lesbian and I was a virgin, I fumbled, we wrestled and after about 20 seconds I came. Now I had had the orgasms before, TCB, doncha know, but that was fvcking fantasmagoric!

The earth moved for me.

We woke up together the next morning and I rolled over on her and went for the encore but she tossed me off. By that time my flatmate’s parents were up and about so I made her sneak out the window into the alley and catch a cab back to Arlington.

Good times.