Fashion Board 2-3-04 to 3-5-04

[Did you just call me Coltrane?]

Originally posted by Mmmm, Burger (C.J.)


That said, I am constantly amazed whenever I watch a Ravens game that the guy is everywhere on the field. I swear there are four guys on the Ravens wearing his number, because it seems like on each play he's pressuring the QB and making the tackle on the swing pass. Simply amazing . . . if the guy were not on defense, and had these skills as an RB or QB, he would probably be called the Michael Jordan (or, perhaps now, the Kobe Bryant or Alan Iverson) of football.

When people started comparing Urlacher to Lewis, I had to laugh, and I'm a Bears fan. No freaking way. The whole Urlacher hype is basically juiced up Sehornism (can I invent this?*). Urlacher is a very good player, but if he were black they wouldn't rank him in the top 5 linebackers.

*it's the inverted Limbaugh

[Did you just call me Coltrane?]

Originally posted by evenodds
Coltrane, I do not hate the white man, I just hate you.*

*This is actually a joke. I do hate the white man.

This has Venn Diagram written all over it.

[Mmmm, Burger (C.J.)]

Originally posted by Did you just call me Coltrane?

*it's the inverted Limbaugh

Formerly known as the Isaiah.

[ThurgreedMarshall]

Originally posted by Tyrone_Slothrop
Why do you all hate him so much? Is it for anything he did before, say, 1990? I have no particular opinion about him as an announcer, but mostly feel bad for him as a player. Someone called him the best player ever from the ankles up (this was pre-MJ, and I don't want to get into that), and he comes across pretty well in Halberstam's book about the '78 Blazers.

I might classify him as the greatest college player ever. At the very least he's up there. I'm not denying that he was incredibly talented.

So, yez. I guess it is all about his announcing. I've never heard such horseshit spewn all over the microphone (and therefore in my ears) from anyone (Larry Merchant comes close). The guy should know the ins and outs of basketball as well as anyone else. Yet he comes across as a maniacal, egotistical, moron who thinks it's necessary to remind us every chance he gets about how different the game was when he was playing. Or how he never complained about any call. Or about how unskilled the players were compared to him. Etc.

The fact is, he adds NOTHING to a game. In fact, he takes away from it. He tries to take controversial stands on the most insignificant things. And he's almost always flat out wrong.

Walton: "Webber has no inside game. He couldn't hold his own against any of the premier big men."

Any other announcer: "But he has 36 points and 14 boards against San Antonio and they've been throwing Duncan and Robinson at him all night."

Walton: "That may be. But it's a soft 36. I just don't think he has what it takes. I would have scored 36 while making an impact on the game. Blah, blah, blah."

The guy is a cancer to basketball. I'd rather listen to Magic Johnson and Eric Dickerson do every game, together, for the rest of my life than listen to one Walton game commentary.

TM

[leagleaze]

Originally posted by evenodds
Coltrane, I do not hate the white man, I just hate you.*

*This is actually a joke. I do hate the white man.

As long as you still love the white woman, that's a-ok with me baby.

[Aloha Mr. Learned Hand]

Originally posted by Hank Chinaski
Explanation? Hating Billy Packer seems like hating Wonder Bread.
And Sosa seems like he handles what he's been through pretty well, I don't remember any star-farts.

Billy Packer is just a miserable know-it-all prick. (No offense to any miserable know-it-all pricks in present company...)

Sosa is a complete and utter fraud.

1. Gets caught with a corked bat which he claims he only used for practice but NEVER explained where it came from.
2. He was a scrawny weakling early in his career yet overnight turned into a musclebound behemoth (he denies roid use but when pressed opposes testing).
3. There have been a number of alleged domestic incidents which you hear rumblings about but have been hushed up here in town...
4. He has his own personal assistant in the clubhouse and in the dugout (in uniform, no less) who caters almost exclusively to him.
5. A local paper ran an expose on his charitable foundation with allegations of mismanagement. I think it went belly up.
6. The Home Run hop. He shoulda got a pitch in his ear the first time he did that crap...
7. Whenever he gets called to the carpet by the local media, he falls back into his immigrant, can't speak English very well, besebol been berry berry good to me routine... Kind of Daleyesque in his denials.

[bilmore]

Originally posted by evenodds
I do hate the white man.

There's only one?

[Replaced_Texan]

Originally posted by baltassoc
If it weren't for that one night in Atlanta, he'd easily qualify to be one of the nicest guys to dominate in middle linebacker position (which is kind of like being the best chef in England, or the best cop in France, but still).

Nice guy middle linebacker: Jamie Sharper. Always comes across polite, very involved in the community, looked to by his team as a leader, and at times seems to be the sole defensive player on the team.

[evenodds]

Originally posted by bilmore
There's only one?

Shhhhh . . . I am trying to make Coltrane feel less alone.

I assume he meant "The Man," but you never know. I mean, doesn't everyone hate "The Man"? Except for the people who are "The Man."

[robustpuppy]

Originally posted by bilmore
You mean, like now?

(For someone joking about Paxil, you need some.)

I don't think I'm alone in finding it difficult to distinguish between the times when your condescending prickishness is meant to be a joke, and when it is sincere.

But don't worry about it, because jokes about someone needing meds on the basis of their reactions to your posts are always funny.

[Did you just call me Coltrane?]

Originally posted by Aloha Mr. Learned Hand

2. He was a scrawny weakling early in his career yet overnight turned into a musclebound behemoth (he denies roid use but when pressed opposes testing).

I heard on the radio that he was "so excited" for the upcoming season that he started lifting weights in December this year. He said he's never started that early. December.

Of course, he's previously told everyone that he got so big by lifting year round.

But he's not on roids.

[notcasesensitive]

Originally posted by bilmore
There's only one?

There were many many more at one point in time (in fact, they used to be the most powerful people in the world!), a long time ago. But through discrimination in mentoring programs, they have died out now. Go to the natural history museum for further explanation.

[notcasesensitive]

Originally posted by robustpuppy
I don't think I'm alone in finding it difficult to distinguish between the times when your condescending prickishness is meant to be a joke, and when it is sincere.

But don't worry about it, because jokes about someone needing meds on the basis of their reactions to your posts are always funny.

Xanax, please.

[ThurgreedMarshall]

Originally posted by Hank Chinaski
you'll have to do w/o, until you catch him starting in the conference finals, and probably the NBA finals.

I could say the same thing about Al Harrington. The proper response to such an empty statement is, "So what?"

TM

[Mmmm, Burger (C.J.)]

Originally posted by Aloha Mr. Learned Hand

2. He was a scrawny weakling early in his career yet overnight turned into a musclebound behemoth (he denies roid use but when pressed opposes testing).
. . .
4. He has his own personal assistant in the clubhouse and in the dugout (in uniform, no less) who caters almost exclusively to him.

Just the beginning of the list for Barry Bonds.

As a rookie. Lot of time on the weights, I guess.


Anyway, TA of mine in college went to high school with him. Says she went back to Barry Bonds day at Serra Madre (or wherever it was he went on the Peninsula), where he was supposed to appear at a school assembly and give a stay-in-school, work-hard, etc. message to all the kids. So, what does he do? Gets up to start talking, blinged up (when bling was a concept, not a word), and starts off to the effect of "I supposed to tell you to stay in school and all, but, shit, look at where I am now. School didn't get me there, playing ball did. I really don't have much use for school." To his credit, at least he didn't put a cap in someone's leg after the assembly, though.