Fashion Board 5-7-04 to 6-9-04

[Not Bob]

Originally posted by barely_legal
[to TM] I sincerely hope that if you ever have a daughter, you walk in on her having sex one day.

Damn. Was there any need to go nuke-u-lar that early?

[ltl/fb]

Originally posted by str8outavannuys
Sometimes those throw-away lines really are the best. That said, Wonk has now told me to go to hell through 3 different electronic media. I'm waiting for the text message to appear on the whiff-phone.

That said, not only do I have litigators the type of which this board has never seen, I have the resources of one of the world's foremost media conglomerates at my disposal and will unleash all of its power like the fury of 1,000 suns.

And in an ironic twist, after my riffing on Tom Cruise's lawyers, I'm about to fire off a C&D letter telling a small Florida christian company to stop sending Tom Cruise (or anyone else) offers to star in a sequel to a movie for which they don't own any sequel rights. Good times.

What caused wankie's balls to get twisted up in his panties?

[Not Bob]

Originally posted by Replaced_Texan
We're pretty sure that the discussion of the tantric workshop my sister had been to the night before led to my parents' being "tired."

Why would discussion of a tantric workshop make your father "tired"?

[ltl/fb]

Originally posted by Not Bob
Why would discussion of a tantric workshop make your father "tired"?

W-A-T-E-R

Hank, I really like that.

[pony_trekker]

Originally posted by Replaced_Texan
If it helps any, my sister and I got kicked out of the house fairly early last night because my parents were "tired" and wanted to go to bed. We're pretty sure that the discussion of the tantric workshop my sister had been to the night before led to my parents' being "tired."

Where do they have these workshops and when can I go with your sister?

[Shape Shifter]

Originally posted by str8outavannuys
That said, not only do I have litigators the type of which this board has never seen, I have the resources of one of the world's foremost media conglomerates at my disposal and will unleash all of its power like the fury of 1,000 suns.

Fuck that. I have centaurs and monkeys. Your puny media conglomerate will whimper at my feet like Colmes before one meeeelion Hannitiys.

[Replaced_Texan]

Originally posted by pony_trekker
Where do they have these workshops and when can I go with your sister?

i'll find you the flyer.

As for my sister, you're on your own. Hint: Don't ask her to pee on you on the first date.

[pony_trekker]

Originally posted by pony_trekker
Where do they have these workshops and when can I go with your sister?

Hopefully, they charge by the minute.

[ThurgreedMarshall]

Originally posted by barely_legal
I sincerely hope that if you ever have a daughter, you walk in on her having sex one day.

If that ever happens, I'll have the image of your mother and sister double teaming me to wipe the offending image right out of my mind. So, no worries.

TM

[dtb]

Originally posted by Hank Chinaski
Keller'd is good, but its really even meaner than "whiff". for those who would like something less confrontational, perhaps this passage can help:

Anne had Helen hold one hand under the water. Then she spelled "W-A-T-E-R" into Helen's other hand. It was electric! The feeling turned into a word. Immediately, Helen bent down and tapped the ground; Anne spelled "earth." Helen's brain flew; that day, she learned 30 words.

I would suggest that spelling W-A-T-E-R, makes the point, but carries a certain constructive criticism tone that might make some feel better.

Is it bad that I thought the "Keller" that TM was referring to was the hot guy from Oz?

At least that explains why I didn't understand why that was equivalent to "whiff".

[Did you just call me Coltrane?]

Originally posted by Replaced_Texan
i'll find you the flyer.

As for my sister, you're on your own. Hint: Don't ask her to pee on you on the first date.

I'll make sure not to set her up with Moises Alou.

http://chicagosports.chicagotribune....cubs-headlines (Spree: Moises likes to pee on his hands)

[Hank Chinaski]

Originally posted by dtb
Is it bad that I thought the "Keller" that TM was referring to was the hot guy from Oz?

At least that explains why I didn't understand why that was equivalent to "whiff".

Maybe not, but it is pretty bad you thought T. would be gushy enough about the "hot guy from Oz" to propose him as a reference.

[dtb]

Originally posted by Did you just call me Coltrane?
In our minds, your mom is Diane Lane and your sister is Tiger Wood's fiance's twin sister. The only person it doesn't work for is you and whoever else knows your family.

Uh... Diane Lane is, like, 38. For her to have a child who had finished law school, she'd have to be from Appalachia. Diane Lane barely's mother? C'mon!


[Paigow -- now would be the time (please!) for you to chime in with one of your patented spinster spiels.]

[NotFromHere]

Originally posted by Replaced_Texan
i'll find you the flyer.

As for my sister, you're on your own. Hint: Don't ask her to pee on you on the first date.

Why not? I hear it at least gets you a second date. Or maybe a third? Did she go on the 3rd date with the pee guy?

[NotFromHere]

Originally posted by pony_trekker
Now this show is for the truly retarded. I realize people want to see pretty people doing stupid things but let me know when there is a "Survivor Suck and Fuck" marathon on.

I'm pretty sure that Skinemax has already filmed that one. But check your local listings. Str8?