Fringey's taut-abbed painter

[SlaveNoMore]

Pretty Little Flower
Look at what I just learned about Death From Above 1979 from a music review...

I will assume this review was written some time before November, 2004.

[Pretty Little Flower]

Originally posted by SlaveNoMore
I will assume this review was written some time before November, 2004.

Correct!

http://www.pitchforkmedia.com/record...-machine.shtml

Disclosure: Rock and roll musical record review dated October 29, 2004. Contains adult language and pictures of cat sodomy.

[Hank Chinaski]

Originally posted by Pretty Little Flower
Thanks. I think I need some me time.

Look at what I just learned about Death From Above 1979 from a music review:

After Death From Above Records (aka the DFA), approached the band to change its name, the duo responded by tacking on the legal minimum of numbers to their moniker and posting to their former web site: "FUCK DFA RECORDS FUCK JAMES MURPHY WE DECLARE JIHAD ON THEM HOLY WAR ENDING IN THIER DEATH AND DISMEMBERMENT... james murphy is a selfish piece of fuck that will burn in the flames of a specially dedicated rock and roll jihad. if i had the resources i would fly a plane into his skull."

Wouldn't an original fan have known most of this without having to read the review? This is really the type of tripe I meant. People feel like insiders beause they read something in the paper, or on an internet 'zine. Guess what? If you read it in a review to the masses, you're just a trendoid trying to keep up.

[pussycat]

Originally posted by ABBAKiss
To be fair, I will report that I have been getting some. I am "dating" two men and two women (they all know about each other). I heart being single.

You go girl!!! Meeeooooww!!

With your active schedule, perhaps you can way in on dilemma I am dealing…..the comparative arts of cunnilingus versus fellatio.

Given some recent bi-curious experimentation I am starting to think that eating the pussy is a skill I cannot master, whereas from the time I was in junior high I knew that blowjobs were easy.

I assumed that being intimately familiar with the ins and outs of my own nether regions and knowing what makes my world rock, that going down on another girl would have been as simple as buzzing myself up with my rabbit but my tongue tied attempts to date make me feel like I am a deaf/blind safecracker with prosthetic hands. Color me clueless and with a new found appreciation of several ex-lovers.

In comparison I am confident that no matter the man, I know where the cock is coming from and what is going to make it crow. Whether you play the tease or the nasty mouth-whore, the job gets done.

Maybe I am not cut out to be a lesbian. ABBA, what’s your secret for walking on both sides of the fence?

[Did you just call me Coltrane?]

Originally posted by pussycat
You go girl!!! Meeeooooww!!

With your active schedule, perhaps you can way in on dilemma I am dealing…..the comparative arts of cunnilingus versus fellatio.

Given some recent bi-curious experimentation I am starting to think that eating the pussy is a skill I cannot master, whereas from the time I was in junior high I knew that blowjobs were easy.

I assumed that being intimately familiar with the ins and outs of my own nether regions and knowing what makes my world rock, that going down on another girl would have been as simple as buzzing myself up with my rabbit but my tongue tied attempts to date make me feel like I am a deaf/blind safecracker with prosthetic hands. Color me clueless and with a new found appreciation of several ex-lovers.

In comparison I am confident that no matter the man, I know where the cock is coming from and what is going to make it crow. Whether you play the tease or the nasty mouth-whore, the job gets done.

Maybe I am not cut out to be a lesbian. ABBA, what’s your secret for walking on both sides of the fence?

I usually skip the tongue-action. All FB girls want is excessive pounding.

[pussycat]

Originally posted by Did you just call me Coltrane?
I usually skip the tongue-action. All FB girls want is excessive pounding.

I'm not sure I am up for sporting a strap-on. thanks anyhow.

[Did you just call me Coltrane?]

Originally posted by pussycat
I'm not sure I am up for sporting a strap-on. thanks anyhow.

Do it the way they do it in porno. The girls seem to come every time!

[Skeks in the city]

And apparently Pennsylvania's AG got upset and is suing the university. Link

[Skeks in the city]

A fourth grader was caught trying to sell to class-mates. She was selling on her mother's behest to raise money for X-mas gifts.Link

[Tyrone Slothrop]

X-rated knitting.

(spree: not that work-safe)

[Shape Shifter]

Originally posted by Hank Chinaski
The only worthwhile film criticism would be on the order of "This movie sucks. Don't go. There's too much violence, and meaningless nudity. Or go, if you like that."

That is, sum up in less than 20 words. Instead you get a whole page. For popular movies the reviews are really dumb, especially when they start comparing to other movies..."This movie is bad, not as bad as ACTOR'S last movie, which was horrible."

Excuse me. Problem.

People read the review to decide to go to the movie in the first place, so if I had listened to the review of the last movie I wouldn't get the reference point as I wouldn't have seen the last movie.

For small films its even worse. Plot twists-surprises etc.? The review gives them all away. So you read the review before you see the movie and it ruins the movie. Read the review after and the nit-picking still ruins the movie. "The ___ scene was dumb, the ___ character was needless filler etc." Maybe they're right, but there have been a few movies that were perfect. You can nitpick them all. I just want to enjoy it, must this analysis be shoved in my face?

In sum, reviews are useless to decide if you should see a movie, damaging if read before seeing a movie, and harmful even if not read until after seeing the movie.

Music critic? Does anyone really read that crap? A review of a rock CD is the biggest wank I can imagine. How can people write that crap?

Hank Chinaski's latest output, post 2372 in this forum, reminds us why God invented the scroll wheel. The subject matter is pedestrian, the execution mundane, and the conclusion should you stick around for its merciful arrival, completely obvious. Even at matinee prices, this Chinaski effort makes the Mike & Ikes seem underpriced.

This reviewer will admit to enjoying Hank's work in the past. It is not often a viewer receives such candid insights into such a completely tormented soul. And some of his work has been funny -- the Picasso post (the first time), the "fringey is fat" series, even the juvenile jousting with this jovial journalist -- all show theoretical evidence of humor of a sort. Though the humor comes with such inconsistency that it causes the viewer to question whether it is intentional is of no consequence. It is the work that must be judged, not the "artist."

But this latest work by Hank typifies his more recent work, which is greeted by viewers with as much fanfare as yet another Michael Jackson's Greatest Hits compilation. Earnestness overrides informative, stridence overwhelms entertaining. It is sebby without style, coltrane without the bumbling innocence, plf without being smoothed by delicious ironing.

Is Hank completely bereft of amusing, original thought, or did he just sell out? Given that Hank's appeal has always been extremely limited, it is difficult to believe the latter. This reviewer is forced to conclude that it is time for Hank to retire this sock, re-register and go back to kickin' with nfh and Ashlee Simpson. Sadly, viewers may not even notice.

[Hank Chinaski]

Originally posted by Shape Shifter
throwing up outside his mouth a little

Oh how I long for the days when people avoided pointless posts, for fear of hittting post counts that where indefensibly high. Do you remember when Fringe first crossed 1000? she fretted for a month. Anything she posted then had merit, real merit. Kids today, they just dream up a few scattered words to post on the net, then hit post.

[casserole]

Originally posted by Hank Chinaski
Oh how I long for the days when people avoided pointless posts, for fear of hittting post counts that where indefensibly high.

Kids today, they just dream up a few scattered words to post on the net, then hit post.

Well put Hank. I’m not going to chime in with all sorts of crap like this is my first post or whatever, I just want to say I read most of your original Blue Triangle shit on Infirmation and you can write. Of course for most kids these days vacuity is the new profundity. I am reminded of a month of so ago when I was on the Hill meeting an intern, whom I had picked up the night before at the Hawk and Dove, for lunch, when I happened upon a press conference that Texas Representative Sam Johnson was giving. Granted the guy is both a Republican and well known blow hard but we both hale from Plano, Texas, so I felt obliged to listen in. Old Sam was jawing about how both W and House leader Tom Delay were stalwarts in the battle to preserve "traditional family and moral values" and how the Democrats disdain for values was responsible for a variety of social ills in our nation. Thankfully I hadn’t eaten because I am sure I would barfed all over my Brioni suit. Finally, after about 5 minutes I could no longer take it and felt sick to my stomach and like my head was going to implode (or explode or both simultaneously, if that is possible) and I shouted aloud, “FAMILY VALUES IS CODE FOR RACIST SEXIST OPPRESSION”. While I stand by the message in my thought, it was probably better thought and unsaid then shouted out indiscriminately, or at least that is the what the 5 Capital Hill police who escorted me out of the building implied.

Following a stern warning that the next time they saw me that day would be 3 seconds before they slapped the cuffs on me, the burliest said to me "you must be a democrat?" Before I could respond, he followed up with, “are you an American?". Again I felt a wave of nausea crest my innards and all I could muster was a faint, ‘uhhuh’, as tears started to well in my eyes.

A look of disgust crossed his face and his already squinting eyes narrowed further as his brow furrowed and he jabbed his index finger into my chest as he quietly but firmly said "damn straight better be son."

I immediately turned tail, my eyes fixed on the sidewalk and scurried off. In hindsight, I only wish it had been just me and him and he had been unarmed. I would have smashed him in the fucking mouth. Knuckle sandwich with extra mustard.

[Atticus Grinch]

Originally posted by Not Bob
I went to college with that guy -- fucker used to play Blind Faith on his reel-to-reel ("the sound is much purer this way") in an attempt to impress sorrority chicks. After they told him that, no, they did not hear the pin droped on the studio floor by Ginger during "Presence of the Lord," he would pout, and they would go to the next room to do blow with the College Republican coke dealer.

Indeed. They say Sebby and Slave were the most seamless give-and-go duo in Cornell history. A well-oiled machine, they said. Sadly, the people who said this didn't realize Slave had never attained the concept of metaphor.

[Atticus Grinch]

Man who got fired from job drinks himself into a coma; wakes up when he hears his bereaved boss ordered him to "get [his] ass back to work."

And you thought Sidd was paycheck-whipped.