Fashion Board 4-6-04 to 5-7-04

[Sidd Finch]

Originally posted by bold_n_brazen
Let's be honest. FA's just make up shit to amuse themselves. Once, while seated in an exit row, I had the FA do the "you are seated in an exit row" speech. At the end, she asked us if we all understood. We all dutifully nodded our heads. She then said "The FAA requires that I get a verbal yes from each of you." I responded, "They do not." She asked if I'd like to be moved to a different seat.

I hate FA's.

Doubtlessly she was thinking "I hate lawyers." WTF? Who cares if she is wrong on a technical point of the rules, if all she is doing is tyring to make sure that the people in the exit row understand that they may have to do something if there's an emergency? Is the FAs understanding of every detail of the FAA regs really that important to you? Were you trying to start a debate? Did you expect her to take your word for it? Were you intended to start an attorney-client relationship with the airline by rendering legal advice about the interpretation of FAA rules? (better alert the firm's carrier!)

I'm reminded of a geek in my law school class who gave the sweet bookstore lady endless grief when she asked for his phone number on the credit card slip, because California had recently enacted legislation that prohibited this. So freaking what? If he really cared, he should have taken his complaint to her superiorssince they were the ones putting the policy in place. If he was just trying to prove his superior, lawyer-like knowledge, then he did the right thing.


eta: Apparently I just couldn't wait until tomorrow. BnB knows I love her, though, and not just for her long, slinky legs.

[Did you just call me Coltrane?]

Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
I had a cabbie last week criticize my cell phone manners.

We got to the destination and he turned around and said "You think you big man, saying 'fuck fuck fuck', beeeg man." I thought for a second, "Who's this asshole to criticize me for how I talk on the phone?" But then I thought, "This guy has brass balls... he's risking no tip at all to tell me I'm being a boorish dick." So I tipped him well and sheepishly said "You're right, buddy."

Try and tell them which route to take. "You think you know city better than me? I have 4 degrees. FOUR degrees! I am probably more educated than you!"

Of course this pissed me off so I responded with the obvious "so what the fuck are you doing driving a cab?"

Take the route that I want to take, assfuck.

[robustpuppy]

Originally posted by ltl/fb
So could utterly stupid people who are too vapid to figure out how to get off a plane in an emergency, but that doesn't keep airlines from letting them sit in aisle seats to strategically block me from getting out in an emergency.

Also should be banned from aisle seats -- people who plan to sleep the entire flight.

It's stupid to get an aisle seat if you plan to sleep, because you could be decapitated by a beverage cart. That would be messy and would keep others from getting their drinks. Very rude.

I once had a flight on America West where a very rude woman in front of me, in the bulkhead row, put her backpack under her seat, that is, in my legroom, and wouldn't fucking move it, "because I don't have anywhere to put it," even though a gentleman on the other side of the aisle (not bulkhead) offered to put it under the seat in front of him. I told the woman that I was tall and that I deliberately only carried on one small bag so that I could have the room for my long luscious legs, and that she had no right to put her bag there, but she didn't move it, and the FA would not intervene.

So I fumed for a while, and considered whether I ought to get more confrontational, but decided instead to stomp on her bag with my feet, ruining the leather and crushing all of her precious crap that couldn't go in the overhead bin.

That was almost ten years ago, and I still remember it -- such is the frustration of air travel.

[sebastian_dangerfield]

Originally posted by Not Bob
I am surprised that it took this long for a post containing the word "fatty" to show up in our little airplane discussion.

Its inevitable. Have you ever had to do three hours next to a wheezing garbage bag full of jello, rolls hanging over the armrest style? You feel like a dick every time you ask to use the restroom because the guy moans and struggles to get up and appears to need a shoehorn to get back into the seat later. That is the genesis of my fatty discrimination. When you're too big for an airline seat, you should either be flying first class with the rest of the offensive line, or you should not be flying at all.

[ThurgreedMarshall]

Originally posted by bold_n_brazen
Let's be honest. FA's just make up shit to amuse themselves. Once, while seated in an exit row, I had the FA do the "you are seated in an exit row" speech. At the end, she asked us if we all understood. We all dutifully nodded our heads. She then said "The FAA requires that I get a verbal yes from each of you." I responded, "They do not." She asked if I'd like to be moved to a different seat.

This goes back to my theory that people in service industries grasp on to the little bit of power they have in their lives, granted to them by their shitty job, like SD with a mirror.

I ran into a real estate agent who told me, after handing me a contract for a lease to sign, that New York State law prohibited anyone from changing or altering the lease in any way. Then she handed me a supplement to the lease, drafted by her office, full of riders. I asked her if she understood that what she said was complete bullshit and that she had, in fact, just handed me a bunch of changes to the lease. She gave me a blank stare. I asked her if she made it up or if her superiors were telling her to say that to people. She went to get a superior and he said that she was mistaken and that it was office policy, not state law.

I think she made it up.

TM

[Did you just call me Coltrane?]

Originally posted by robustpuppy
It's stupid to get an aisle seat if you plan to sleep, because you could be decapitated by a beverage cart. That would be messy and would keep others from getting their drinks. Very rude.

I once had a flight on America West where a very rude woman in front of me, in the bulkhead row, put her backpack under her seat, that is, in my legroom and wouldn't fucking move it, "because I don't have anywhere to put it," even though a gentleman on the other side of the aisle (not bulkhead) offered to put it under the seat in front of him. I told the woman that I was tall and that I deliberately only carried on one small bag so that I could have the room for my long luscious legs, and that she had no right to put her bag there, but she didn't move it, and the FA would not intervene.

So I fumed for a while, and considered whether I ought to get more confrontational, but decided instead to stomp on her bag with my feet, ruining the leather and crushing all of her precious crap that couldn't go in the overhead bin.

We're all just micro-Judge Dredds, doling out our sentences as we see fit. I love it.

[sebastian_dangerfield]

Originally posted by Did you just call me Coltrane?
Try and tell them which route to take. "You think you know city better than me? I have 4 degrees. FOUR degrees! I am probably more educated than you!"

Of course this pissed me off so I responded with the obvious "so what the fuck are you doing driving a cab?"

Take the route that I want to take, assfuck.

I usually too busy jerking off to pay attention to the route.

[bold_n_brazen]

Originally posted by Sidd Finch
Doubtlessly she was thinking "I hate lawyers." WTF? Who cares if she is wrong on a technical point of the rules, if all she is doing is tyring to make sure that the people in the exit row understand that they may have to do something if there's an emergency? Is the FAs understanding of every detail of the FAA regs really that important to you? Were you trying to start a debate? Did you expect her to take your word for it? Were you intended to start an attorney-client relationship with the airline by rendering legal advice about the interpretation of FAA rules? (better alert the firm's carrier!)

I'm reminded of a geek in my law school class who gave the sweet bookstore lady endless grief when she asked for his phone number on the credit card slip, because California had recently enacted legislation that prohibited this. So freaking what? If he really cared, he should have taken his complaint to her superiorssince they were the ones putting the policy in place. If he was just trying to prove his superior, lawyer-like knowledge, then he did the right thing.


eta: Apparently I just couldn't wait until tomorrow. BnB knows I love her, though, and not just for her long, slinky legs.

I wasn't trying to start a debate, you sanctimonious prick. I've just sat in the exit row enough times to know that merely nodding your head is sufficient for the FAA.

[purse junkie]

Originally posted by Sidd Finch
If he was just trying to prove his superior, lawyer-like knowledge, then he did the right thing.

I pulled this only once. Some assclown taxi driver in Montreal drove me all over the city for half an hour racking up fare and pretending not to understand English, when the destination was ten minutes away. He then ended the ride in a dark, deserted parking lot next to a stadium and told me in broken French to get out and walk to where I needed to go, thereby getting raped and killed before I got to my destination if I wouldn't pay the full fare. I told him in English that if I wasn't safely where I was supposed to be in five minutes flat I would take his fucking house, have his fucking company shut down, and be glad to see their goons doubtless break every fucking bone in his body for it and leave him in a similar deserted parking lot to die.

I was at my restaurant in 3 minutes flat, and have never pulled the assholey lawyer card before or since.

[robustpuppy]

Originally posted by Did you just call me Coltrane?
Try and tell them which route to take. "You think you know city better than me? I have 4 degrees. FOUR degrees! I am probably more educated than you!"

Of course this pissed me off so I responded with the obvious "so what the fuck are you doing driving a cab?"

Take the route that I want to take, assfuck.

You think you beeg beeg man, telling driver how to drive and saying assfuck fuck fuck.

Originally posted by ltl/fb
So could utterly stupid people who are too vapid to figure out how to get off a plane in an emergency, but that doesn't keep airlines from letting them sit in aisle seats to strategically block me from getting out in an emergency.

Also should be banned from aisle seats -- people who plan to sleep the entire flight.

Last flight I was on. Missed my flight, stood by and got stuck with a cetner seat.

Window seat: a rather portly chap who had to lift the armrest between us after he ate bc he expanded too much and had to overflow into my seat.

Middle: me, queen of the beveages. I have coffee going to read up on boring stuff, lots of water to keep hydrated, and a glass of wine or two throughtout bc turblulence scares me.

aisle seat: a sleeper.

It was a disaster., Fat guy is embarrassed by his overflowage. I am annoyed at him for taking part of my seat without paying for it but embarrassed I have to keep stepping over sleeping guy to go pee and sleeping guy is annoyed I keep disturbing him to go to the bathroom.

[bilmore]

Originally posted by bold_n_brazen
I wasn't trying to start a debate, you sanctimonious prick. I've just sat in the exit row enough times to know that merely nodding your head is sufficient for the FAA.

Just to be fair, (why? because we love you!), I bet if I stood up there and gave that stupid little "put the mask over your face" demonstration six thousand times to a bunch of people who ignored me and yapped right through the speech, and then complained about the flight taking off ten minutes late, and then asked me to bring them a pillow that they walked past on the way in, I'd think of ways to fuck with them, too.

And I'm a pleasant guy.

Originally posted by Sidd Finch
The theory is that, in an emergency, you would grab the kid but not the seat... but the seat would be in your way, so that's bad. The fattie, on the other hand, will gradually get up and waddle off, leaving the way clear for you.

In practice, the better option would be to stand up in your seat, jump as high as you can and use the fattie's stomach as a trampoline to bounce you into the aisle. This will only work on the newer planes with higher ceilings.

Plus fatties make excellent flotation devices in the event of a water landing.

[ABBAKiss]

Originally posted by Mister_Ruysbroeck
I'll have to post pics, I guess.

Of Aries?

[Did you just call me Coltrane?]

Originally posted by robustpuppy
You think you beeg beeg man, telling driver how to drive and saying assfuck fuck fuck.

I actually don't tell them which way to go until they've gotten me stuck in an obvious traffic jam or have taken me in the opposite direction. So shuddup, assfuck.