Happy Birthday, Preston Michael Spears Federline and other Certain Special Someones!

Originally posted by Did you just call me Coltrane?
I can explain it: she's 24. Asses without cellulite are a dime a dozen at 24. Well, maybe not a dime a dozen, but you can definitely bounce a quarter on many of them.

Not to question your self-appointed status as Dr. Ass but
WRong-o. Youare confusing cellulie on the thin and cellulite on the adipose challenged. The cellulite kicks in way before 24.

[NotFromHere]

Originally posted by paigowprincess
Apparently she is a big partier. She said she is ready to date again! and that what you resist persists (about being relentelssly pursued by the papparazzi). After she left, the Big O assured the audience that Jen was really doing well.

Who's going to win Big Brother? I was really sad when ____ lost the HOH competition to that bitch ________.

[Mmmm, Burger (C.J.)]

Originally posted by Fashionable But Anonymous
A friend of mine called about a mutual friend of ours who's in a little bit of trouble.

Mutual friend, "Fred" met a woman early this year. Decided to get married in April, which we all thought was too soon and we became suspicious. Most of us thinking that the woman was pregnant. Thank goodness she was not. Also, she is not a citizen of this country.

Sometime in May, her "brother" came to visit. He was looking for work and she asked if he could stay with them for awhile.

Long story short, the brother was arrested for breaking and entering. While posting bail, Fred finds out that the brother is not the brother at all, but his wife's boyfriend from whatever country they are from. They had been carrying on an affair the whole time. The boyfriend is saying that the wife was an accomplice to the breaking and enterings (he says there were many). Probably a plea bargain? I told Fred to kick the 2 of them out of the house and to get an annulment as soon as possible. He still loves her and is not sure he wants to put them out on the street. I say she's using him and he's an idiot to let them stay in the house. I say she'll frame him if is suits her. Any other advice I can give to Fred?

Borrow a gun from Penske?

[sebastian_dangerfield]

Originally posted by notcasesensitive
str8 and I both have a 2 degrees of separation thing with Jerry O'Connell. that is how connected he is.

my connection also involves the mutual friend who he got onto the writer staff of Crossing Jordan. I can't vouch for its non-suckiness, however, as I've never seen it. that would violate my all-reality-tv-all-the-time motto.

the artificial islands episode of Megastructures received four thumbs up from my household last night. that Crown Prince of Dubai is one nutty guy. I consider Megastructures and Modern Marvels to be reality tv. My definition of the genre is expansive.

If I had one degree of separation from O'Connell, I'd loosen his fucking teeth for taking an hour and ahlf away from me with "Tomcats."

Then again, I watched the fucking movie, so I guess there's a fat chunk of contrib negligence in there.

Fuck, I just used a law term.

Originally posted by Fashionable But Anonymous
A friend of mine called about a mutual friend of ours who's in a little bit of trouble.

Mutual friend, "Fred" met a woman early this year. Decided to get married in April, which we all thought was too soon and we became suspicious. Most of us thinking that the woman was pregnant. Thank goodness she was not. Also, she is not a citizen of this country.

Sometime in May, her "brother" came to visit. He was looking for work and she asked if he could stay with them for awhile.

Long story short, the brother was arrested for breaking and entering. While posting bail, Fred finds out that the brother is not the brother at all, but his wife's boyfriend from whatever country they are from. They had been carrying on an affair the whole time. The boyfriend is saying that the wife was an accomplice to the breaking and enterings (he says there were many). Probably a plea bargain? I told Fred to kick the 2 of them out of the house and to get an annulment as soon as possible. He still loves her and is not sure he wants to put them out on the street. I say she's using him and he's an idiot to let them stay in the house. I say she'll frame him if is suits her. Any other advice I can give to Fred?

Is "Fred's" wife from Serbia? Bc that explains a lot.

[Hank Chinaski]

Originally posted by Fashionable But Anonymous
A friend of mine called about a mutual friend of ours who's in a little bit of trouble.

Mutual friend, "Fred" met a woman early this year. Decided to get married in April, which we all thought was too soon and we became suspicious. Most of us thinking that the woman was pregnant. Thank goodness she was not. Also, she is not a citizen of this country.

Sometime in May, her "brother" came to visit. He was looking for work and she asked if he could stay with them for awhile.

Long story short, the brother was arrested for breaking and entering. While posting bail, Fred finds out that the brother is not the brother at all, but his wife's boyfriend from whatever country they are from. They had been carrying on an affair the whole time. The boyfriend is saying that the wife was an accomplice to the breaking and enterings (he says there were many). Probably a plea bargain? I told Fred to kick the 2 of them out of the house and to get an annulment as soon as possible. He still loves her and is not sure he wants to put them out on the street. I say she's using him and he's an idiot to let them stay in the house. I say she'll frame him if is suits her. Any other advice I can give to Fred?

big tits?

[Replaced_Texan]

Originally posted by Fashionable But Anonymous
A friend of mine called about a mutual friend of ours who's in a little bit of trouble.

Mutual friend, "Fred" met a woman early this year. Decided to get married in April, which we all thought was too soon and we became suspicious. Most of us thinking that the woman was pregnant. Thank goodness she was not. Also, she is not a citizen of this country.

Sometime in May, her "brother" came to visit. He was looking for work and she asked if he could stay with them for awhile.

Long story short, the brother was arrested for breaking and entering. While posting bail, Fred finds out that the brother is not the brother at all, but his wife's boyfriend from whatever country they are from. They had been carrying on an affair the whole time. The boyfriend is saying that the wife was an accomplice to the breaking and enterings (he says there were many). Probably a plea bargain? I told Fred to kick the 2 of them out of the house and to get an annulment as soon as possible. He still loves her and is not sure he wants to put them out on the street. I say she's using him and he's an idiot to let them stay in the house. I say she'll frame him if is suits her. Any other advice I can give to Fred?

Fred sounds like a love-sick fool who isn't likely to take any advice on this whole thing from anyone until he's hit rock bottom. Keep an eye out on him, be available when he has his inevitable moment of realization that he's been screwed and supply him with plenty of alcohol. If you're into that sort of thing, offer to be his second at the inevitable duel.

"'In affairs of the heart, Princess,' Cesar used to say, 'one should neither offer advice nor solulutions...just a clean hanky when appropriate.'"
--The Flanders Panel, Arturo Perez Reverte, pg. 14.

[barely_legal]

Originally posted by NotFromHere
Who's going to win Big Brother? I was really sad when ____ lost the HOH competition to that bitch ________.

I refuse to watch finale for the sole reason that ______ lost the HOH competition to that bitch _________.

[ThurgreedMarshall]

Michelle Wie is turning pro.

"Wie will sign endorsement deals with three companies (one believed to be Nike) worth an estimated $8 million. Adding in tournament appearance fees and other endorsements, the Hawaiian teen's compensation for her first year as a pro is expected to reach $10 million -- not counting what she wins on the course"

Damn. What the fuck would you do with $10 mil at age 16?*

http://sports.espn.go.com/golf/news/story?id=2167196

TM

*Besides two chicks at one time, dude.

Originally posted by NotFromHere
Who's going to win Big Brother? I was really sad when ____ lost the HOH competition to that bitch ________.

Let's see.

James- Ivette
Bo- Ivette
April - Maggie
Jennifer- Maggie
Howie-? but probably Maggie
Rachel-Maggie
Janelle- Maggie


I say Maggie. Good. She singlehandedly one the game for her team by manipulating Howie and she seems very astuite, and like a good person. Ivette is horrible. If I never hear the word "cappy", it will be too soon.

[Hank Chinaski]

Originally posted by ThurgreedMarshall
*Besides two chicks at one time, dude.

she'll have plenty of opportunitys for that on the LPGA tour.

[robustpuppy]

Originally posted by Fashionable But Anonymous
Any other advice I can give to Fred?

A. Shoot heroin; get it all over with
B. French kiss business end of .44
C. Pop rocks/soda at same time
D. Eat diced pineapple from crack whore's crack
E. Draino sundae
F. Both barrels under chin, toe on trigger

[ThurgreedMarshall]

Originally posted by paigowprincess
Not to question your self-appointed status as Dr. Ass but
WRong-o. Youare confusing cellulie on the thin and cellulite on the adipose challenged. The cellulite kicks in way before 24.

No. It really doesn't (well, on asses other than yours, it would seem).

TM

[sebastian_dangerfield]

Originally posted by Fashionable But Anonymous
A friend of mine called about a mutual friend of ours who's in a little bit of trouble.

Mutual friend, "Fred" met a woman early this year. Decided to get married in April, which we all thought was too soon and we became suspicious. Most of us thinking that the woman was pregnant. Thank goodness she was not. Also, she is not a citizen of this country.

Sometime in May, her "brother" came to visit. He was looking for work and she asked if he could stay with them for awhile.

Long story short, the brother was arrested for breaking and entering. While posting bail, Fred finds out that the brother is not the brother at all, but his wife's boyfriend from whatever country they are from. They had been carrying on an affair the whole time. The boyfriend is saying that the wife was an accomplice to the breaking and enterings (he says there were many). Probably a plea bargain? I told Fred to kick the 2 of them out of the house and to get an annulment as soon as possible. He still loves her and is not sure he wants to put them out on the street. I say she's using him and he's an idiot to let them stay in the house. I say she'll frame him if is suits her. Any other advice I can give to Fred?

He still loves her? Be a little - no, a lot - a hell of a lot - more selective in picking your friends.

[SlaveNoMore]

ThurgreedMarshall
Damn. What the fuck would you do with $10 mil at age 16?*

http://sports.espn.go.com/golf/news/story?id=2167196

TM

*Besides two chicks at one time, dude.

Ask Malcolm. In the Middle.