Happy Birthday, Preston Michael Spears Federline and other Certain Special Someones!

[sebastian_dangerfield]

Originally posted by taxwonk
It is precisely my knowledge of the impact of Black Sabbath on a whole generation of heavy-metal shit bands that informs my opinion. If the RRHOF gave a badge of shame, I would vote that the charter badge be given to Black Sabbath.

Iron Man, indeed.

You sir, have no soul.

[Pretty Little Flower]

Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
God, if he's there, has a lot of explaining to do for me.

I'm sure God, if he's there, is pretty worried. Getting his notes in order. Practicing his answers to the tough questions. That sort of thing.

[Replaced_Texan]

Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
I plan to be cremated. In fact, I have told several friends and my wife and parents that I may not be viewed dead for purposes other than initial identification. And I do not want to waste space anywhere. There is nothing more idiotic than cemetaries.

I can't imagine anything more degrading than being seen dead in an ill fitting suit, in a fucking box. Being Catholic, somebody will surely try that gig with me.

And I will haunt any motherfucker who refers to my years as a lawyer or tells my family I "made peace with my God" after I'm gone. God, if he's there, has a lot of explaining to do for me.

Can my friend use your remains in his art?

[ThurgreedMarshall]

Originally posted by NotFromHere
There are stories of a guy here who never ever ever washed his hands. He is no longer with us.

How do these stories go? They must be fascinating. Something like, "I was in the bathroom just now and saw Bob leave without washing his hands"? Please don't leave us in suspense. Was he fired because he was caught? I must know.

TM

[Penske_Account]

Originally posted by bold_n_brazen
and so I cannot answer your PM. And I have to leave. So now it will have to wait.

See ya later.

Ok.

Later.

[ABBAKiss]

Originally posted by Pretty Little Flower
wrawhx.

You forgot the first silent "h." wHrawhx.

[sebastian_dangerfield]

Originally posted by robustpuppy
The paraffin will get rid of any ashiness on your hands and feet.

I have done the same. Well, I haven't told your wife and parents, but you know what I mean.

My mom flipped out when my cousin died of a terminal illness because I told her over a few drinks, very levelheadedly, that if I ever found out The End was imminent, I'd promptly end it when I was too sick to enjoy myself anymore. She was pretty freaked, largely because she knows when I'm serious...

I will not have banged around this filthy orb, absorbing and endless stream of annoyances and degradations all those years, to suffer a final insult of being taken out by disease or what someone will later call "God's will." Bullshit on that.

[Penske_Account]

Originally posted by ThurgreedMarshall
How do these stories go? They must be fascinating. Something like, "I was in the bathroom just now and saw Bob leave without washing his hands"? Please don't leave us in suspense. Was he fired because he was caught? I must know.

TM

come TM, give her a break. There was an arc of Seinfeld episode dedicated to such a story. Certainly if its good enough for Seinfeld its good enough to spur real world hilarity, no?

[LessinSF]

Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
Ooooh, I gotta do that. BTW, I heard there's a Stoogish band from Australia called The Saints, but I can't find any of their shit. Ever heard any of their stuff?

No. I'll wait for Ollie's opinion.

[sebastian_dangerfield]

Originally posted by Pretty Little Flower
I'm sure God, if he's there, is pretty worried. Getting his notes in order. Practicing his answers to the tough questions. That sort of thing.

He'd better be there. I want to know the answer to all those mysteries in thosse "In Search Of" programs Leonard Neimoy used to narrate.

[Not Bob]

Originally posted by Pretty Little Flower
I'm sure God, if he's there, is pretty worried. Getting his notes in order. Practicing his answers to the tough questions. That sort of thing.

God is a bow-tie wearing, law review-editing, horn-in-rock-music-listening tool? Fuck me.

[taxwonk]

Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
You sir, have no soul.

Oh, quite the contrary. I would say a good third of my Ipod is soul. I just don't have any of the heavy metal, which resonates in my head like the sound of someone chewing tin foil.

[taxwonk]

Originally posted by Replaced_Texan
Can my friend use your remains in his art?

I'm pretty sure my wife and daughter are planning on having my ashes pressed into diamonds. Your friend can have whatever's left, though.

[spookyfish]

Originally posted by ThurgreedMarshall
How do these stories go? They must be fascinating. Something like, "I was in the bathroom just now and saw Bob leave without washing his hands"? Please don't leave us in suspense. Was he fired because he was caught? I must know.

TM

Reading comprehension. "He is no longer with us."

Let that be a cautionary tale to you, Mr. Non-hand-washer.

[NotFromHere]

Originally posted by ThurgreedMarshall
How do these stories go? They must be fascinating. Something like, "I was in the bathroom just now and saw Bob leave without washing his hands"? Please don't leave us in suspense. Was he fired because he was caught? I must know.

TM

Don't think I don't know you don't care, but it was a conversation about how gross people are. Like the asshole who spits big loogies in the water fountain every day. And the asshole who takes the newspaper in the mens room for an hour and then takes it back to the library. Or the guy who drinks too much coffee and not enough water so that the color and consistency of certain things I don't want to repeat is orange and syrupy. And he had rancid coffee breath all the time. One of these assholes never washes his hands either. But he's gone now. Yay.