88 Lines About 49 Penske Socks
By Atticus Grinch
Manfred is a hipster,
\ tells us what the cool kids do.
Anne Elk’s got no “flow” or stylin’,
\ Destined for the Land of Fu.
Thurgreed is the Black Guy;
\ we’re all afraid of a guy like him.
Mullet Man sounds like a dude but
\ I’ve heard tell he has a quim.
Ollie is a shit-disturber;
\ lieutenant to insurgency.
Fugee is the Jesus-freak,
\ she likes that kind of misery.
Tyrone is a newsblog addict;
\ posts Josh Marshall thrice a day.
Cheffie disappears for ages;
\ yet gets homage on Breasticle Day.
Bilmore is a cranky geezer,
\ hates TV, despises rap.
Leagl thinks men are second best
\ to Idle playthings’ honey-traps.
G3 is a Clintonista,
\ cruising for a PB duel.
Borg-Nine’s point of view was this:
\ assimilation’s FB cool.
Coltrane, it’s said, is bangable;
\ a future Cougar’s got a crush.
TexLex’s got some major issues,
\ hates Van Halen; grooves on Rush.
Arby’s known as Rubenesque;
\ (Stoddard-like, not Peter-Paul).
Flower bloomed two years ago;
\ says “I must go,” but lacks the balls.
Ruysbroeck’s last taboo
\ was shattered by a wandering tongue.
Thrasher says that ain’t vanilla;
\ They’ll be no ass-play in her bung.
Barely got a Waterdancer
\ ’cause Tiny couldn’t tab Slot B.
NCS says she’s got one also,
\ but stays vibrator-insertion-free.
Well, Paigow is a schizo,
\ lives on soy milk and cocaine.
Lester flaks for carriers;
\ munches shrooms to dull the pain.
Shave’s convinced that life’s a party,
\ Cuervo shots and booty calls.
DebtSlave is much too prissy,
\ she doesn’t do that shit at all.
Uh-uh. Not DebtSlave.
Fringey’s choler is therapeutic,
\ TGIF’s her life creed.
Sidd’s in Vegas bribing strippers
\ to fulfill his smutty needs.
Penske’s got a filing system,
\ always keeps his logins straight.
Shifter’s got a way with language,
\ silver tongue (or silverPlate?).
Not Bob is a big shot,
\ the fucking Pope of Podunkville.
Brazen’s got a certain something
\ I’d sure like to Jack her Jill.
Gatti’s got the voice of reason
\ in a town of whackadoos.
Pony is a font of knowledge
\ of shirts and suits and slip-on shoes.
Str8 was quite the FB hottie
\ ’til he slurped tomato bisque.
RT’s got reams of citations,
\ Even Geico won't take the risk.
EvenOdds sucked up to Leagl,
\ proved moderating’s women’s work.
CtD got lost in transit;
\ jumped the shark, became a jerk.
NFP was not for profit;
\ got hooked on Birkins, changed her name.
Gwinky has a mean streak;
\ our northern neighbor’s just the same.
The Shadow’s bridged adroit and skekky,
\ Em's just a fucking nihilist.
Kafka is much more my style,
\ he writes songs just like this.
Taxwonk’s gone for forty days;
\ we start thinking “heart attack.”
Sebby takes a nasty pleasure
\ in making women think “assjack.”
Spooky comes from O-hi-o,
\ he can be a snarky pill.
Deuced, Puppy, Dressed-to-Bill,
\ I chose you to end this swill.
Eighty-eight lines about forty-nine Penske socks. {Spree: Abridged RealAudio accompaniment to assist those who don't know the song.}
http://www.the-nails.com/88rca.ram
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