The Entries - Parody Contest 2003

A Parroty

By LessinSF

After deciding that Slave should parody "Never Say Never" by Romeo Void ("I might like you better if we slept together") instead of me, and still lamenting my lost "Two Headhunters and a Fax Machine" from the Yahoo days, I offer this:

Fashionistaville

Another stale Snickers
In two day old knickers
All of the paras are out at the bars
Drafting’s my mission
Requests for admission
Stuck in the office, at least can’t get SARS

Typing away again in Fashionistaville
Searching for my lost integrity
Some people claim that it was law school to blame
But I know
I wish I was Charlie Kuralt

I don't know the reason
I’ve committed this treason
Nothing to show but some red Jimmy Choos
But they give me solace
Along with my Rolex
And telling stories of dragons I slew

Typing away again in Fashionistaville
Searching for my lost integrity
Some people claim that it was law school to blame
Now I think
I should have studied Gestalt

I move in a trance
Representing insurance
Change my shirt, had to cruise on back home
There's Friday night Happy Hour
With twelve Pisco Sours
That trendy concoction that helps me hang on

Typing away again in Fashionistaville
Searching for my lost integrity
Some people claim that it was law school to blame
But I know
It was the pay and the Vault

Yes and some people claim that it was law school to blame
And I know
It was the pay and the Vault

TM's Submission

By Thurgreed Marshall

(for original formatting click http://www.lawtalkers.com/forums/sho...8937#post38937)


Sung to the tune of Eminem's Lose Yourself:


Look, if you had one shot, one opportunity

To ridicule everyone you ever wanted - One moment

Would you capture it or just let it slip?



TM's palms are sweaty

Fingers weak

Arms are heavy

There's vomit in his mouth already

"LOL" posts are petty

He's nervous

But online he looks calm and ready

To drop bombs

But he keeps on forgetting

What he should post now

The whole board grows so loud

He cracks his knuckles

But the words won't come out

He's chokin', how

Everybody's jokin' now

The clock's run out

Time's up

Over

Pow!

Snap back to reality

Where's the depravity?

Oh, there goes Francis

He choked

He's so mad, but he

Won't give up that easy

Nope

He won't have it

He knows his whole back's to these

Ropes

It don't matter

He's dope

He knows that

But he's broke

His debt's stacked

And he

knows

Tonight he gets back

To his home

turns around and it's

Back to the office again, yo

This whole work shit

He better find a way out and hope it don't pass him


You better lose yourself in the FB, like Penske

We own it and better never let it go (ho!)

You only get one shot to post, so put on a show

Or live in the Land of Fu for a lifetime yo


You better lose yourself in the FB, like Magnus' mommy

We own it and better never let it go (ho!)

You only get one shot to post, so put on a show

Or live in the Land of Fu for a lifetime yo


From infirmation we're escaping

Now it's their board that is gaping

Lawtalkers is primed for the taking

Who should be king

As we move toward a

New board order

PLF? He's so 2001...

Might as well perform a post mortem

Wonk reads and grows harder...

he only gets hotter

Slave bowls us all over...

These hoes is all on him

Coast to coast trips...

Less is known as the globetrotter

Houston's roads

RT only knows

She drives from office to home

but no farther

Paigow's the board's very own lunatic daughter

Coke up her nose...

Leaves and comes back...

The false martyr

Weed don't post here no mo...

He's cold product

So we moved on to the next schmoe who flows

Shifter's stock rose

TS has got power

The FB soap opera is told and unfolds

It's getting old pahtna

But the board goes on

Da da dum da dum da da



You better lose yourself in the FB, like Finchy

We own it and better never let it go (ho!)

You only get one shot to post, so put on a show

Or live in the Land of Fu for a lifetime yo


You better lose yourself in the FB, like GWiNCky

We own it and better never let it go (ho!)

You only get one shot to post, so put on a show

Or live in the Land of Fu for a lifetime yo


No more games

I'ma change what you call rage

Tear the mothafuckin' thong off of red undies' frame

EO was nicer in the beginning

But her mood's all changed

Someone should chew up and spit out every single pj page

So I keep postin and writin' in this space called cyber

Best believe google aids the Grinch as a writer

SD's pain inside amplified by the fact

That he can't get by as a nine to fiver

DTB provides the right type of life for her family

NotBob's so old the guy's ready to buy diapers

Genre: horror movie...

DS is a filer...

that is her life

Stayin' ketchupped is so hard

and it's getting even harder

Pepper used to office-TCB

Plus

Remember when Arby caught her a Prima Donna

The Fugee Mama drama screamin is it

Too much for me to wanna

Stay in this spot

Should I scroll or not

It's gotten me to the point, I work like a snail

I've got

To formulate a plot

To grab the partners' pot

Success is my only mothafuckin' option

Failure's not

Barely, I love you

But all this email's got me so

I'm sick of the lawyer's lot

So here I go it's my shot

Feets fail me not

Cuz I gotta take the only opportunity that I got



You better lose yourself in the FB, Like RP

We own it and better never let it go (ho!)

You only get one shot to post, so put on a show

Or live in the Land of Fu for a lifetime yo


You better lose yourself in the FB, Like leagly

We own it and better never let it go (ho!)

You only get one shot to post, so put on a show

Or live in the Land of Fu for a lifetime yo



(You can flame anyone you set your mind to, man)

TM

Don't Cry for Me, Fashionistas

By Not Bob


[Enter paigow, on a balcony overlooking a crowd of FBers. She is wearing white and looking remarkably like Carolyn Bessette after throwing an ashtray at JFK, Jr. -- sad eyes, icy blond hair, matte red lips. An expectant hush falls over the crowd.]

Paigow [starting softly, gaining strength as she goes]:

It won't be easy, you'll think it strange
When I try to explain how I feel
That I still need your love after all of my posts
You won't believe me
All you will see is a girl with blood blue
Although she's messed up some of the time
Her family paid Mayflower's crew.

I had to let it happen, I had to post
Couldn't stay all my life lurking here
Reading chefster's sex polls, staying out of the fun
So I chose PAIGOW!
Running around trying everyone new
But no GA impressed me at all
I never expected them to

Don't cry for me, Fashionistas
The truth is I never left you
All through my chris days
My war with JRUSS
My spats with Thurgreed
(like Slave, he's hairless)

And as for Lester, and as for Slave
I never invited them in
Though it seemed to the boards they were all I desired
Less is deluded
Slave is not the solution he promised to be
So I post here all of the time
I love you and hope you love me

Don't cry for me, Fashionistas
The truth is I never left you
All through my chris days
My war with JRUSS
My spats with Thurgreed
(like Slave, he's hairless)

Have I said too much? There's nothing more I can think of to say to you.

But all you have to do is look at me to know that every word is true.

[paigow bows to the applause, backing gracefully back off the balcony]

Please, god, I need the Big Lebowski on DVD

By paigowprincess

GOOD POSTS BAD POSTS

In the days of yahoo
I learned what it means to be a GA
Be funny, be honest, be mean
From infirm to lawtalkers, posters work with what they gather
No matter how they try
I keep reading the same old blather

Good posts, bad posts
Slave has no hair
Though evenodds left white
For a brown skinned man
Coltrane still don't seem aware

Two thou Less fell in love
With a wingnut sweet as could be
It only took him couple of secs'
Til he splooged on Fugee
She swore that Jesus would save his soul
As she washed his splooge off
Less turned to porn, pot and beers
To practice delaying the getoff

Good posts, bad posts
chris doesn’t like much hair
A real big breasted bisexual
with garters and thongs
Too bad Slave used all his Nair

(Guitar Solo)

Good posts, bad posts
Thurgreed’s had his share
Remember his revolting flirts
with seductress c square?
Nobody seemed to care

I know what it means to be alone
To be blackballed by the fb cool clones
I don't care what the KooKoos say
I'm gonna post here each and every day
cheval posted songs that made me cry
so gcubed, try an order of pith on wry

PLF?

By Penske_Account

Is he gone yet?

Jesus H. Christ, I sure as hell hope so. What a frickin' bore already.

By the by, all this PLF retiring crap inspired me to parody a song and in honour of Billmore's College Dayz I picked the Mamas & the Papas California Dreamin'. All apologies to Mama Cass. And the ham sammich.


Without further adieu:

PLF Dreamin’

All the wit is gone, his posts fade to grey
He needs to take a hike and go far away
We’d be entertained, if it was back in the day
PLF Dreamin’, but he’s got nuthin’ to say

Surfed in to Infirm, to reminisce today
Well I dropped down to my knees, his work was oh so fey
You know that PLF’s work’s grown old
While I’m still making hay
PLF Dreamin’, but he’s got nuthin’ to say

All the wit is gone, his posts fade to grey
He needs to take a hike and go far away
If Paigow didn’t IM him, he woulda left today
PLF Dreamin’, but he’s got nuthin’ to say

PLF Dreamin’, but he’s got nuthin’ to say

PLF Dreamin’, but he’s got nuthin’ to say

Gigli it isn't

By Chunky Monkey

With tounge surgically-implanted in cheek, here is my contributions to the 'don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out' PLF retirement party:

To the tune of, what else, Ironic by the horribly misunderstood Alanis Morrisette:


Bilmore’s at least ninety-eight
Even if he won the lottery, he’d still hang around this place
Paigow’s too fly to drink Chardonnay
She sucks down Pisco Sours at a furious pace
Isn’t this moronic, dontcha think?

[CHORUS]

It’s plaaaaaain, as the nose on your face
It’s played out, but with posts at a furious pace
The FB’s about clothes and sports, and things that vibrate
Obviously nobody’s thought .. it figures.

The old back door, Thrasher refuses to try
If her husband ever asked, she’d just wave bye bye bye
Replaced Texan could offer tips, if she really wanted to know
A negative purity score is damn sexy, yo
Isn’t this moronic, dontcha think?

[CHORUS]

It’s plaaaaaain, as the nose on your face
It’s played out, but with posts at a furious pace
The FB’s about clothes and sports, and things that vibrate
Obviously nobody’s thought .. it figures.

Well this board has a funny way of sneaking up on you
When you’re eating your lunch and everything’s going alright
And the board has a funny way of shooting milk out your nose or
tossing your breakfast … in a bag
or all over your face

A Flower post, about how things are all passe
A fringe-ish rant saying everything’s so lame
It’s like 10,000 Atticus posts, hey man get a life
It’s admiring Evenodds’ ass
and you know she ain’t Str8’s wife
And isn’t it moronic, don’t you think
A little TOO moronic, and yeah I really do think

[CHORUS]

It’s plaaaaaain, as the nose on your face
It’s played out, but with posts at a furious pace
The FB’s about clothes and sports, and things that vibrate
Obviously nobody’s thought .. it figures.

Da FB has a funny way of sneaking up on you
It has a funny, funny way of making you want to hurl
making you wanna hurl


Apologies if I forgot to insult you, I ran out of verses, but will try to do better next time.

Parody Parody

By Shape Shifter (responding to the parody listed beneath his.)





I found this so inspiring, I was able to write 2 songs.

1. (Sung to the tune of "Happy Birthday")

Happy Birthday to you
That was the stupidest fucking song parody I've ever heard in my life.

2. (Sung to Pat Benatar's "Heartbreaker")

Your song is like a dentist’s drill, sinking deep in my teeth
No nitrous or novocaine, and certainly no pith
You're the right kind of whiner, to release such infantilacy
A real Jessica stinker, and you know that you were born to be
You're a boardbreaker
Humor hater, a mistake
Don't you NFH with me!
You're a boardbreaker
Fischbacher, big faker
Don't you NFH - no no no!

Your song is like a giant turd, spinning down in the bowl
A self parody, so absurd, suffocating my soul
I’m glad you’re a West Coaster, so we won’t accidentally meet in a bar
You’re a miserable poster, and you like had a gay avatar (nttawwt)

You're a boardbreaker
Crap maker, faith shaker
Don't you me NFH with me!
You're a boardbreaker
Wiseacre, headacher
Don't you NFH - no no no!

You're a boardbreaker
Humor hater, a mistake
Don't you NFH with me!
You're a boardbreaker
Wiseacre, headacher
Boardbreaker!




quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Originally posted by NotFromHere
Sung to Pat Benatar's Hit me with your best shot...

Fringy's a real tough cookie with the long history
Of breaking little hearts, like the one in me
Greedy's O.K., lets see how you do it
Put up your dukes, lets get down to it!
Hit Me With Your Limp Cock!
Why Don't You Hit Me With Your Limp Cock!
Hit Me With Your Limp Cock!
Fire Away!

Come on Pliffy come on, you don't fight fair
But that's O.K., see if I care!
Knock me down, it's all in vain
I'll get right back on my feet again!


Hit Me With Your Limp Cock!
Why Don't You Hit Me With Your Limp Cock!
Hit Me With Your Limp Cock!
Fire Away!


NCS's a real tough cookie with the long history
Of breaking little hearts, like the one in me
Before I put another notch in my lipstick case
Penske better make sure I sit on your face


Hit Me With Your Limp Cock!
Come On, Hit Me With Your Limp Cock!
Hit Me With Your Limp Cock!
Fire Away!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My song

By Not From Here


Sung to Pat Benatar's Hit me with your best shot...

Fringy's a real tough cookie with the long history
Of breaking little hearts, like the one in me
Greedy's O.K., lets see how you do it
Put up your dukes, lets get down to it!
Hit Me With Your Limp Cock!
Why Don't You Hit Me With Your Limp Cock!
Hit Me With Your Limp Cock!
Fire Away!

Come on Pliffy come on, you don't fight fair
But that's O.K., see if I care!
Knock me down, it's all in vain
I'll get right back on my feet again!


Hit Me With Your Limp Cock!
Why Don't You Hit Me With Your Limp Cock!
Hit Me With Your Limp Cock!
Fire Away!


NCS's a real tough cookie with the long history
Of breaking little hearts, like the one in me
Before I put another notch in my lipstick case
Penske better make sure I sit on your face


Hit Me With Your Limp Cock!
Come On, Hit Me With Your Limp Cock!
Hit Me With Your Limp Cock!
Fire Away!

alright I'll post a submission before someone steals my song

By notcasesensitive

(unlikely)

Board Damage
(adapted from Brain Damage, Pink Floyd)

the lunatics all want her ass
the lunatics want e/o’s ass
tm plays games and daisy chains get laughs
got to keep on topic or risk her wrath

a lunatic shops at the mall
the lunatics buy clothes for fall
paigow points their wretched faces towards the door
but everyday the suburbs get one more

and if coltrane’s knees break down many years too soon
and if there is no lizard with a pill
and if PB explodes with Ahnold’s sex life too
I’ll see you on the FB with some ‘shrooms

the fashion board is in my head
fucking fashion board is in my head
leagl had it made, she made the change
she’ll re-arrange us or go insane

we mock some more
and socks pop up you’ll see
theres and thats may even bother dear RP

and if reality tv shows, moral relativism cause you fear
you’ll shout but no one seems to care
and if the board you’re on starts kayaking to different tunes
I’ll see you on the FB, get there soon…


[you'll have to do the whoas that accompany in your head, if it isn't already too 'shroom-addled]

JPUNK Gives Socks a Bad Name

By reba



In order to be a little ironic for my favorite little has-been PLf, I am using a sock to protest JFUCK's incesssantly bad unfunny socking with the fisrt entry into the contest. BRing on the new magic wand lealg.

(sing to the tune of BonJovis' 'YOu give Love a Badname')

A moron's joke is what you tell
Your posts are unfunny, and put me through hell
One note socks are so old to me
Your socks are a prison, you can't break free

Whhoooaaaa, you make the board no fun
Whhooooaaa, there's nowhere to run
Not even my wit can save us
The damage is done

Chorus:
Post like a fart
And he’s so lame
JPUKE gives socks a bad name
I flame him out yet his schtick’s the same
JPUSS gives socks a bad name
JRUNT gives socks a bad name

Change your name to ConnecttheDots
Doesn’t matter your act still rots
A teenboy's scheme, everyday a new try
From your very first sock you made us want to cry

Whhoooaaaa, you make the board no fun
Whoooooaaa, there's nowhere to run
Not even my wit can save us
The damage is done

Chorus:
Post like a fart
And he’s so lame
JPUKE gives socks a bad name
I flame him out yet his schtick’s the same
JPUSS gives socks a bad name
JRUNT gives socks a bad name

Ok, here are the entries (in reverse order) I think I got them all. If I missed any please PM E/O or leagleaze.



Vote here.